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Clips from Gilmore Girls - Dead Uncles and Vegetables (S02E02)

"his copy of Sherman's memoirs."
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"- Is all the stuff in there now? - Yes, it is."
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"I shoved it in the best I could, but it won't close..."
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"which defeats the purpose of having a damn casket in the first place."
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"The football signed by Johnny Unitas gives it that bounce."
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"What if we move the gas mask and pith helmet down towards the feet?"
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"That end already has every baseball card he ever bought, thousands of them."
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"Bungee cord. No."
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"What if we got some people from the office here..."
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"to sit on the lid and we could latch it? Do you have anybody you could spring?"
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"- I'm out of ideas. - So am I."
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"You know what? To hell with this."
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"- I can't deal with this anymore. - It has to be dealt with."
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"It doesn't. It's not as if he deserves my help or my respect."
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"- The man was your uncle. - He was a jerk!"
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"- Don't say that. - Taylor and the guys were right."
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"I was cutting Louie slack out of respect for my dad..."
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"but the man was rotten and mean and selfish all his life."
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"He's even selfish in death."
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"I would have loved to had those cards."
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"He's got Lou Gehrig's rookie card, Joe DiMaggio, Willie Mays, tons of others."
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"- Sir, your voice. - I'm done. I've had it."
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"From now on, it's just the bare minimum and that's it."
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"Dig a big hole and just dump the casket in unlatched."
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"If stuff falls out, fine. Pile on enough dirt and make sure nothing's showing."
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"I'm assuming that wouldn't be appropriate, either."
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"- No. - I didn't think so."
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"Young man, where's the young lady we heard so much about..."
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"who's using those delightful old diner phrases to place people's orders?"
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"It sounds so fun. Could you point her out for us?"
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"No."
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"That's to everyone. I'll be upstairs."
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"You're welcome."
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"- There you are. I was worried. - Sorry, I should have called."
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"Thanks for covering again. This'll be the last time. I promise."
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"First, I walked around a bunch trying to clear my head."
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"- Saw a lot of Hartford. What a cesspool. - You're not a city man."
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"I calmed down and figured dumping Louie's body in an open grave..."
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"with all his stuff probably would be a little cold."
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"I got a yellow pages and found a big-and-tall casket shop in Hartford."
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"- You're kidding. - Nope."
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"I found a casket for my 160-pound uncle and his 140 pounds of stuff."
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"Got the lid to shut the first time we tried. So the funeraI's on as scheduled."
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"- Good. - I don't know why I'm doing this."
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"- For your dad. - I guess, although he's dead..."
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"so he'd never know if I was doing it any different."
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"He's got the big Luke picture screen on 24 hours a day, he watches and smiles."
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"And you're doing it 'cause you're you."
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"I'm gonna change, then you can retire from your diner career forever."
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"No, it's fun. I came up with some new diner phrases."
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"- You know what a 'lucky duck cluck' is? - No."
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"It's foie gras with chicken and green shamrock frosting."
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"- Why would anyone order that? - If they're high."
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"- Good grief. - What?"
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"I won't be long."
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"- Hi, Mom. - Since when do you work here?"
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"I'm just lending a hand. What's going on?"
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"I went by the inn to work with Sookie on her wedding."
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"Yeah?"
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"- And she fired me. - She didn't fire you."
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"She's changed her mind on all the things we planned."
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"- Maybe she did. - No, she didn't."
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"I know what's behind this. That is, who's behind this."
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"- I knew it. - These are not wealthy people."
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"Do you understand that? They're saving for a home..."
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"and your midgets were dancing between them and their dreams."
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"- You say 'midgets' like it's so absurd. - Do you hear yourself?"
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"I don't see what was wrong with my helping Sookie plan her wedding."
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"- Mom, come on. - What?"
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"- You weren't planning Sookie's wedding. - Whose wedding was I planning?"
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"- Mine. - Don't be ridiculous."
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"Your vision for this wedding and all the over-the-top stuff..."
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"like flowers, bunting, champagne fountain, and the haute-couture dress."
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"Who's wearing that wedding dress in your mind's eye, Mom? Sookie? Or me?"
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"- I wasn't planning your wedding, Lorelai. - Right."
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"The wedding I was planning was for Sookie."
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"The mushrooms and colors, they all seemed like fun, a little crazy..."
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"I know that you'd never let me plan your wedding."
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"Yours was going to be a Russian winter theme, the Romanovs."
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"- Before the firing squad, I assume? - Snow-white roses..."
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"trees with white lights and candles. Snow everywhere."
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"You arriving in a silver sleigh with white horses."
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"- You hate the idea. - No, I just..."
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"- It just doesn't seem like me. - It would have been beautiful."
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"I'm sure it would have been."
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"It's obvious that wouldn't be appropriate anymore..."
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"being as I'm probably standing in your reception hall."
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"- Excuse me? - Burgers and fries for the dinner..."
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"the bride walks down the aisle with a ketchup dispenser in her hand."
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"- Tell me what you're talking about. - I'm talking about Luke."
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"- It's obvious, Lorelai. - No, it's not, Mom."
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"- You're with him constantly. - He feeds me."
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"- You bring up his name constantly. - Once again, he feeds me."
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"- The moment he calls, you run to his side. - He's my friend. He needed me."
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"- I had to be there. - I know you did."
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"- Hi. - Hello."
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"And Luke, I'm sure I'll see you again soon."
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"- What do you think of the Romanovs? - They probably had it coming."
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"A match made in heaven."
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"We're here to honor Louie, to pay our respects..."
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"and to bid him a sorrowful goodbye."
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"- You okay? - Yeah."
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"- I'm not big on funerals in general. - Nobody is."
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"He passed away in his sleep, so the end came peacefully for Louie..."
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"which I'm sure is a great comfort to all who knew him."
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"The passing-away part was a great comfort for all who knew him."
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"- I didn't know him. - Good thing."
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"But I understand he was a fine man, destined to be missed by many."
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"- Reverend. - Right."
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"Now let us witness Louie Danes as he is interred and brought to the Lord."
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"It was a nice and intimate service."
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"I guess everybody deserves something at the end."
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"- Thanks for coming. - I wouldn't have missed it."
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"That ain't me, is it?"
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"What are you talking about?"
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"What Taylor said about me being like Louie:"
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"A loner, never being married and stuff? I'm getting crankier as I get older."
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"Would Louie ever build someone a huppah or help fix things around..."
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"someone's house without being asked, or make a special coffee cake..."
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"- with balloons for a girI's 16th birthday? - Rory told you about that?"
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