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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Slapsgiving 3: Slappointment in Slapmarra (S09E09)

"...about the next slap that you'll receive."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Sure. - Okay, okay."
How I Met Your Mother
"Barney, I'm well aware that you've developed a resistance..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...about kicking, you know, because, uh:"
How I Met Your Mother
"You seek to learn the slap of a thousand exploding suns."
How I Met Your Mother
"And accuracy."
How I Met Your Mother
"[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON JUKEBOX]"
How I Met Your Mother
"So I will give you much gold..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Who said anything about a willow tree, four women and a tiger? Guys?"
How I Met Your Mother
"[RATTLES]"
How I Met Your Mother
"For your stupid face."
How I Met Your Mother
"- You sure you really know how to...? - What is the sound of one hand slapping?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm sorry, I don't understa..."
How I Met Your Mother
"[WHOOSH]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[WHOOSH]"
How I Met Your Mother
"You know, that tip isn't a full 20 percent..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oof!"
How I Met Your Mother
"... I also learned the delicate art of Chinese painting."
How I Met Your Mother
"That looks nothing like this bowl of fruit."
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"MARSHALL: My training went on for a year. - A year?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- What? - Slap me now."
How I Met Your Mother
"That's a big tip. You must have much gold..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Awesome. Oh, man, I can't wait to slap Barney Stinson right across his stupid fa..."
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"- Which mountain? - No."
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"And at the top..."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Retired? You're like 32. - I am 106 years old."
How I Met Your Mother
"MARSHALL: White Flower and I made love that night in the forest."
How I Met Your Mother
"No, sorry, flag on the play. You banged White Flower?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I made love to White Flower."
How I Met Your Mother
"And then I banged her."
How I Met Your Mother
"Like I was saying, you need to harvest the anger of others into your own slap."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm a friend of Barney Stinson... Ooh!"
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm a friend of Barney Stinson... Oh! Unh."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh! Unh! Wow."
How I Met Your Mother
"The proper question is, will I?"
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"I'm 34."
How I Met Your Mother
"...I have a divorced cousin just outside of Akron."
How I Met Your Mother
"...but if you want I could set you up."
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"Sold. Now, the most important lesson in learning accuracy..."
How I Met Your Mother
"No!"
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"- Huh? Ah! - Damn it."
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"Is that..."
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"Actually..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Don't just slap, like, really try to aim."
How I Met Your Mother
"- I love you. - Enough to take this slap for me?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- You okay? Yeah? - Yeah, yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
"[SINGING] What is this feeling"
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"That's put you in your place?"
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"A hot red burning On the side of your face"
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"Tears start to fill your eyes"
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"Oh, everybody saw it, ha"
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"- 'Cause it was awesome - So awesome"
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"- Mm. - Heh."
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"One more."
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"[CHORUS SINGING OPERATIC MUSIC]"
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"TED: Oh, sorry, kids."
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"I forgot to mention there's a bit of a back-story to this particular slap."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, man."
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"At least it landed on the mustard stain."
How I Met Your Mother
"Don't bother. That suit is a stain. A stain on the very institution of suits."
How I Met Your Mother
"You know what tie goes with that suit? The tie at the top of a Hefty bag."
How I Met Your Mother
"A suit like that only needs one button: Self-destruct."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, I bought him that suit."
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"Where, Barfs Brothers?"
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"Men's Outhouse?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Georgio Arms-Are-Not- The-Same-Lengthy?"
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"That suit is a slap in the face to all suits everywhere."
How I Met Your Mother
"A slap in the face."
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"Ah, yes, Barney, there's something I need to tell you..."
How I Met Your Mother
"You see, I want this slap to be as painful as humanly possible."
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"Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yes, you won a slap bet with me seven years ago."
How I Met Your Mother
"And yes, over the years you got in some great slaps..."
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"Some great slaps."
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"But here's the problem. You've tormented me so much that I am now immune to it."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's as if my face, my psyche, my soul were covered in that numbing cream..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...we all put on our deal so that we can go all night, right, fellas?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, we'll all just pretend like we've never done that."
How I Met Your Mother
"Just like we've all never sat on our left hand until it fell asleep..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...and then used it for an away-gamer."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, we'll all pretend like we've never done that..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...just like we've all never taken two live jumper cables..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Please, stop."
How I Met Your Mother
"...to all of my old tricks, which is why I sought out special training."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hi. Hey, I'm sure you get this question all the time..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...but is there a special class where I just learn slapping?"
How I Met Your Mother
"We teach kung fu here."
How I Met Your Mother
"Right. See, the thing is I don't need to learn anything..."
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"So yeah, I'm good there. What I really need to learn is slapping."
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"I need someone to teach me how to slap my friend just, like, really hard..."
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"...right in his stupid face. Can you teach me that?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Kung fu is an ancient and honorable martial art."
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"It must be learned with great devotion and respect."
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"So where are we on this slapping thing?"
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"- Yes, no, maybe...? - Get out."
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"Psst. I know what you seek."
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"Yes, that's totally a thing I've heard of. Can you teach me?"
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"No, but I know who can."
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"Can you take me to this great master? I have much gold."
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"It is not one great master you seek, but three."
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"They will teach you the three mighty virtues of slapistry."
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"Speed."
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"Put these three virtues together..."
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"...and only then will you have mastered the slap..."
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"...of a million exploding suns."
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"I'm sorry to interrupt..."
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"...but a second ago, wasn't it the slap of a thousand exploding suns?"
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"Pretty sure I said a million. Guys?"
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"- He said a million. - Definitely."
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"MARSHALL: So I went to Shanghai..."
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"- You didn't go to Shanghai. - I went to Shanghai."
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"- When did you go? - Last year I went."
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"- You didn't go to Shanghai. - He went."
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"- He didn't go. - Totally went."
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"- Didn't. - I went to Shanghai."
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"In search of the first master."
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"Are you Red Bird?"
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"BARNEY: Okay, enough."
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"I know you're trying to freak me out, but like I said, it's not working."
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"[MUSIC SKIPPING]"
How I Met Your Mother
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