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Clips from One Day at a Time - A Snowman's Tale (S01E01)

"replace the kids with a bicycle, so he thinks you exercise."
One Day at a Time
"And... we're live."
One Day at a Time
"Okay, what about this guy? He went to brown."
One Day at a Time
"Yeah, but he's posing with a tiger."
One Day at a Time
"Yeah, but he's holding nunchucks, so he's awesome!"
One Day at a Time
"You might also want to avoid guys who post their abs, but not their face."
One Day at a Time
"And anyone who says they're an entrepreneur."
One Day at a Time
"What does your profile say?"
One Day at a Time
"I am an entrepreneur."
One Day at a Time
"Okay, a guy in uniform. I'm not uninterested."
One Day at a Time
"- No, wait, what? That was too fast. - No, you're too slow."
One Day at a Time
"and moved on to someone whose bicycle isn't wearing sneakers."
One Day at a Time
"Come on, pen, you doing this or not?"
One Day at a Time
"Okay, you know what?"
One Day at a Time
"I realized I..."
One Day at a Time
"I didn't think this through at all. I..."
One Day at a Time
"I mean, my mom still thinks I'm married,"
One Day at a Time
"so, you know, she's gonna lose her mind and..."
One Day at a Time
"Elena might be okay,"
One Day at a Time
"but Alex, he's still so young and this could definitely mess with him."
One Day at a Time
"I don't think I should do it."
One Day at a Time
"Genius! Let's do this thing!"
One Day at a Time
"Set it up for tomorrow, 7:30. Both kids are busy."
One Day at a Time
"- And, Schneider? - Yeah?"
One Day at a Time
"- Schneider. Hey! - Yeah."
One Day at a Time
"- All right. - Look at me in the eye here."
One Day at a Time
"My mom, Elena, Alex..."
One Day at a Time
"Nobody can know."
One Day at a Time
"Just texted nunchucks guy and I think we're gonna hang."
One Day at a Time
"So then I was like, "let's do this thing!""
One Day at a Time
"Hey, did you know that mascara's, like, 14 bucks now?"
One Day at a Time
"Mine was 36."
One Day at a Time
"Girls!"
One Day at a Time
"Talking about my boobs, Abby!"
One Day at a Time
"Anyway..."
One Day at a Time
"Curled, sprayed, plucked."
One Day at a Time
"Oh, man."
One Day at a Time
"I even shaved my lady 'stache."
One Day at a Time
"- Wait, you can do that? - Yes."
One Day at a Time
"It doesn't grow back thicker. That's a myth started by big wax."
One Day at a Time
"Oh, look at me."
One Day at a Time
"Uh..."
One Day at a Time
"When I met my ex, I was wearing sneaks, jeans,"
One Day at a Time
"a tit tank and a flannel."
One Day at a Time
"I know, it was a better time."
One Day at a Time
"Wait, are you okay?"
One Day at a Time
"I'm sorry, I thought my boyfriend, Benji,"
One Day at a Time
"was going to propose to me tonight and he didn't."
One Day at a Time
"All right, come on, Abby."
One Day at a Time
"Are you kidding me?"
One Day at a Time
"Sweetheart, look at you!"
One Day at a Time
"Don't take this the wrong way, but your problems are nothing."
One Day at a Time
"Yeah, wow!"
One Day at a Time
"That Benji is just a bump"
One Day at a Time
"Whoever you marry, he'll be rich."
One Day at a Time
"And you'll probably end up being one of those real housewives ladies."
One Day at a Time
"And anyway, this is like 20 years from now"
One Day at a Time
"because you're a child."
One Day at a Time
"A tall, hot child!"
One Day at a Time
"Do you really think that I could be one of the real housewives?"
One Day at a Time
"And now, I'm gonna say to you"
One Day at a Time
"Good luck."
One Day at a Time
"Thanks!"
One Day at a Time
"Wait, I thought your family didn't know."
One Day at a Time
"Oh, I didn't tell you what my mother said?"
One Day at a Time
"What?"
One Day at a Time
"I'm just saying..."
One Day at a Time
"You should wear red lipstick for your encounter tonight."
One Day at a Time
"- Damn it, Schneider. - No, Schneider didn't say anything."
One Day at a Time
"I know because you obviously shaved your moustache."
One Day at a Time
"Was it that bad?"
One Day at a Time
"Ay, niña, I felt like braiding it."
One Day at a Time
"No, you're a married woman,"
One Day at a Time
"who is going out on a date with a man who is not your husband."
One Day at a Time
"Ah, of course, Hoochie."
One Day at a Time
"I am separated."
One Day at a Time
"And I'm not having this conversation."
One Day at a Time
"And keep your voice down because the kids can't know."
One Day at a Time
"What's going on? Do you have a date?"
One Day at a Time
"How is everybody figuring this out so fast?"
One Day at a Time
"I didn't want you to worry, so I didn't wanna tell you."
One Day at a Time
"It's just dinner."
One Day at a Time
"Mom, I'm fine! I mean, I thought it was cool"
One Day at a Time
"that you were blurring gender lines with your upper lip..."
One Day at a Time
"Okay, mostly what I'm hearing is I have to up my grooming game."
One Day at a Time
"But you're... you're really okay?"
One Day at a Time
"are in their sexual prime."
One Day at a Time
"Ay, Elena. Please."
One Day at a Time
"You're too okay with it. And don't tell Alex."
One Day at a Time
"- I mean it. - Please."
One Day at a Time
"First of all, I'm not a gossip"
One Day at a Time
"and if I were, it wouldn't be to my little brother"
One Day at a Time
"about my mom's love life."
One Day at a Time
"Am I in trouble?"
One Day at a Time
"No."
One Day at a Time
"We're... we're just thinking."
One Day at a Time
"Mmm."
One Day at a Time
"What?"
One Day at a Time
"I don't know, I need money for tonight"
One Day at a Time
"because me and my friends are going bowling."
One Day at a Time
"Or miniature golfing. Or to the arcade."
One Day at a Time
"I don't know, just give me $100!"
One Day at a Time
"First of all, you need a plan. Second of all, I need to approve the plan,"
One Day at a Time
"and third of all, 100 bucks?"
One Day at a Time
"That was funny."
One Day at a Time
"First he invites Joaquin."
One Day at a Time
"Then he has to invite Jade because he invited Joaquin."
One Day at a Time
"Then she wants to bring juju and Casey and maddie."
One Day at a Time
"I don't know any of these people! We need to talk more!"
One Day at a Time
"Don't talk to him."
One Day at a Time
"- He cannot know about this date. - Whoa!"
One Day at a Time
"Okay, okay! Dios mío."
One Day at a Time
"So weird. I was dying to tell him."
One Day at a Time
"I'm, like, buzzing. Is this what gossip is?"
One Day at a Time
"Who am I?"
One Day at a Time
"Abuelita is talking to ghost abuelito again."
One Day at a Time
"I'm not talking to you."
One Day at a Time
"So, does papi think I'm a puta, too?"
One Day at a Time
"your papi would never say those things about you."
One Day at a Time
"Only I think that."
One Day at a Time
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