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Clips from A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Wide Window: Part One (S01E01)

"Very fresh dill. Very fresh dill."
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"Have you heard that Captain Sham is in town?"
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"What a wonderful and handsome fellow that Captain Sham is."
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"Fish heads! Fish heads! Roly-poly fish heads!"
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"- Speaking of handsome... - Have you heard about Captain Sham?"
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"I'm talking to myself about Captain Sham."
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"- Limes. A whole lot of limes. - Limes!"
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"- I sell limes. - Oh, citric acid."
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"Would you allow me, madam?"
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"I have an eye for ripeness,"
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"and I've always thought that the tangiest pulp"
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"comes from the toughest rinds."
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"Oh, my."
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"Anwhistle. Josephine Anwhistle."
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"I'm Captain Sham."
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"- Oh, I've heard your name everywhere. - Yes, that's the idea."
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"My name is Captain Sham, and my home is the sea."
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"Oh, I would have thought you lived nearby."
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"Large lake, large lake."
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"I am so happy to make the acquaintance of a local personage."
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"- Um... - Left."
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"Left leg."
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"I'm so sorry."
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"Yeah, I've been fitted with a wooden prosthetic."
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"- How did it happen? - Um, we used half of an old broom."
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"- No, I mean, the accident. - Oh, the accident!"
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"Nobody could possibly understand."
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"It's un-understandable."
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"- I was sitting on my boat... - The way sailors do."
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"- when I spilled some on my leg. - And a very handsome leg it was."
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"- Terrible! - Ghastly!"
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"I fought them off as best I could."
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"- Ka-pow! - Zoink!"
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"- But my right leg was not strong enough. - Left."
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"My right leg was not strong enough to rescue my left leg."
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"- That's terrible. - Yes, it is terrible."
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"- Can you, stranger? - No."
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"- You, other stranger? - No."
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"- I wish I could understand. - Because you're so very handsome."
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"You see, nobody can understand, and that's why I'm all alone."
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"I can understand, Captain Sham."
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"- What? - It can't be!"
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"- Extra... - ordinary."
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"I don't believe it."
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"That's just how it happened with my husband."
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"- That wasn't pasta. - Leeches."
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"I lost my husband to the Lachrymose Leeches."
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"Good heavens! I had absolutely no idea. I swear."
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"None of us did."
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"I've never even heard of your husband Ike."
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"Then... you do understand."
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"- I think I do. - What?"
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"K-I-S-S-I-N-G."
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"Could it be possible that my lonely days are over?"
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"- Why did you do that? - Because of electrocution."
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"Crazy because I did the exact same thing myself!"
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"- Really? - Okay, yes."
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"The world is so terrifying."
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"It is? It is! Just like the rough and tumultuous sea."
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"Well, perhaps I need a captain."
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"Yes. Yes!"
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"Perhaps we should sail this fragile and flammable world together."
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"- Sail? - Yes, I'm a sailboat rental agent."
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"Is that anything like a real estate agent?"
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"Absolutely not. See? I have my own business card."
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"Captain Sham's Sailboats. Every boat has it's own sail."
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"Oh, Captain, you have made a serious grammatical error here."
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"What?"
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"You don't mean to say Every boat has it is own sail."
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"You mean simply I-T-S, as in belonging to it."
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"It's a common mistake, but a dreadful one."
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"Care to accompany me on a cruise through leech-infested waters?"
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"Oh, no, Captain. I couldn't possibly go out on Lake Lachrymose."
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"Not after what happened to my husband."
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"I'm surprised you can."
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"I can't! I never said I could. Uh..."
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"Fried-egg sandwich."
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"How would you like to go get a fried-egg sandwich?"
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"What an opportunity."
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"- I'm so... - jealous."
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"- I'd love to. - Great."
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"I'm sure they understand, Josephine!"
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"After all, these three children aren't blithering morons,"
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"No, they're wonderful, obedient little orphans."
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"Maybe one day, they'll also let me take them on a boat ride, very far away."
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"Ahoy, a hairless pygmy!"
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"She is a baby and you know that."
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"We'll discuss what sort of pygmy she is later."
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"In the meantime, the adults have a date."
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"- I'll get my cardigan. - Hmm."
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"Aunt Josephine!"
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"long time, no see."
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"- You'll never get away with this. - Get away with what?"
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"I'm just a sea captain romancing a fierce and formidable woman."
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"- You're not a sea captain. - Oh, yes, I am."
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"and have cards made that say anything they like."
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"Well, you're just a heap of facts, aren't you, Klaus?"
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"But none of them do you any good."
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"And your parents, may they rest in ashes."
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"Oh, Captain Sham?"
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"That's right! Stay back, Josephine! Stay back!"
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"There's lit candles in here!"
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"Everyone remain calm."
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"Remain calm!"
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"Oh, the heat!"
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"The heat!"
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"The danger has passed. It's fine now."
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"The orphans tried to engulf your entire house in flames, but it's fine now."
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"Oh, thank you, Captain Sham."
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"Please..."
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"call me... Julio."
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"Julio."
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"- Now, let's get a fried egg in you, madam. - I would like that very much."
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"Though the orphans would like to say they're sorry,"
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"wouldn't you, orphans?"
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"We're very sorry."
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"We'll speak no more about it, Baudelaires."
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"- Yes, Aunt Josephine. - Or doorknobs!"
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"- Of course. - Or..."
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"Our romantic ride in the back of a taxi awaits."
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