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Clips from Hogan's Heroes - Kommandant of the Year (S01E01)

"That's fantastic."
Hogan's Heroes
": Fantastic, Major."
Hogan's Heroes
"You sure this is a one-way tap?"
Hogan's Heroes
"HAUSER: The bomb is to remain here"
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"I can assure you, sir, it's absolutely safe."
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"I shall mention you in my report"
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"to General Burkhalter in Berlin."
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"No, that won't be necessary,"
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"my name is spelled with a K."
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"What a hambone."
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"A V-bomb, huh?"
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"Kinch, let's get down to the tunnel"
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"Hello, Mama Bear."
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"Hello, Mama Bear-- This is Goldilocks."
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"Hello, Mama Bear."
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"This is Mama Bear."
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"Little Miss Muffet has a big new tuffet"
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"that goes boom."
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"Little Miss Muffet moving tuffet 48 hours."
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"Goldilocks requesting permission to make tuffet"
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"go boom before move. Over."
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"You mean we got to wait"
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"12 hours to blow that thing up?"
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"What's the matter, Kinch you double parked?"
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"We couldn't get near it, Colonel."
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"We never had a chance."
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"Maybe we could tunnel up to it, Colonel."
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"If we could take a turn in Tunnel Three"
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"and we come up through our wine cellar..."
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"Are you mad?"
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"Disturb that wine we just put in there?"
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"Chateau Lafitte must have rest in the beginning."
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"Americans. Hot dogs. Beer."
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"All right, all right, knock it off."
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"Colonel, the sub just sent this."
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"They're sending a team, four men."
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"They'll be dropped tonight at point M-l4"
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"at approximately 2100 hours."
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"Three commandos and a Dr. Schneider."
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"A doctor?"
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"Scientist."
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"alone with the rocket to look it over"
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"Well, just how do we"
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"get four men in here, Colonel?"
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"Four men, huh?"
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"He deserves a prize."
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"Wait a minute."
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"Wait one minute."
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"We'll give him a prize."
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"How about something nice, like a broken leg?"
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"May I assist?"
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"No, no prize, a medal."
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"Colonel Klink is going to be Kommandant of the Year."
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"Stalag 13 is going to be in the top ten,"
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"prison camp-wise, that is."
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"Just the diversion we want."
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"We need a medal."
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"What are the boys in the iron shop doing?"
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"Making hand-grenade paperweights."
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"Every third one is live."
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"Gestapo men all over Germany"
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"are getting a real bang out of their mail."
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"Forget about the paperweights."
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"clutching a prisoner of war by the throat."
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"But friendly."
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"Get 'em to work on it. Okay."
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"We also need a scroll."
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"curlicues and stuff."
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"Why not?"
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"Cupids never hurt anybody."
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"Kinch, make contact with the sub."
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"Right-o."
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"we need some orders from Burkhalter to Klink."
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"A magician like Newkirk?"
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"He could pick your pockets wearing boxing gloves."
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"I've been that way since birth, you know."
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"By the way, is this your coin?"
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"You are a..."
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"I'm too small. I didn't see him. I couldn't help it."
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"Herr Kommandant, Colonel Hogan requests permission to see you."
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"Later, Schultz. I have no time for him now."
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"Herr Kommandant, Colonel Hogan requested me"
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"to tell you it is urgent."
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"Really?"
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"Tell me, Schultz,"
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"which Colonel is running this camp, Hogan or me?"
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"I sometimes wonder."
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"Me, too, Herr Komman..."
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"I am the Colonel who will sign your transfer"
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"Boy, are you running the camp."
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"Send him in."
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"Colonel Hogan, I am very busy today--"
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"dispatches from Berlin. What is it?"
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"I'm here to make a complaint"
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"Oh, a complaint."
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"Not sufficient entertainment, perhaps?"
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"No, you're funny enough."
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"I don't want to have you go to any trouble,"
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"but if you should happen to be near a post office"
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"when they transfer you to the Russian front..."
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"You heard something, Hogan?"
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"I hear lots of things."
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"Like my men complaining"
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"about that thing sitting out there on the truck,"
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"That, Colonel, is none of your business."
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"Well, according to the Geneva Prisoner of War Convention,"
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"Prisoners of war shall not be subjected to unusual danger."
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"I will decide what is dangerous and"
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"what is not dangerous at Stalag 13."
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"Colonel Hogan, I'm a very busy man."
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"You're dismissed."
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"Hogan, wait."
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"I can't believe it."
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"Kommandant of the Year!"
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"Ja."
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"And Stalag 13 will be among the top ten"
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"prisoner-of-war camps in all of Germany."
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"I didn't know they took a poll."
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"Nobody asked me."
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"Danke."
Hogan's Heroes
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