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Clips from NewsRadio - Sleeping (S03E03)

So, what can I do for you?

"So, what can I do for you?"

NewsRadio

if there's anything we could do to help.

"if there's anything we could do to help."

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Mr. James needs to be surrounded

"Mr. James needs to be surrounded"

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So maybe it would be best if the staff

"So maybe it would be best if the staff"

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could talk to him around the clock.

"could talk to him around the clock."

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Right. You see, when a patient is in this state,

"Right. You see, when a patient is in this state,"

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even though he can't technically hear you,

"even though he can't technically hear you,"

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I've ever been asked to do. Well, uh,

"I've ever been asked to do. Well, uh,"

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Bill, if you're uncomfortable, no one's gonna force you.

"Bill, if you're uncomfortable, no one's gonna force you."

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I mean, I wish to high heaven

"I mean, I wish to high heaven"

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Okay. He's taking a little snooze-a-rooni.

"Okay. He's taking a little snooze-a-rooni."

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He's fine. He's fine. He's fine.

"He's fine. He's fine. He's fine."

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Remember? Last year.

"Remember? Last year."

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That guy who stepped in front of the bus?

"That guy who stepped in front of the bus?"

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"Look out!"

""Look out!""

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[LAUGHS]

"[LAUGHS]"

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That's a little heart attack humor for you.

"That's a little heart attack humor for you."

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Say, you mind if I smoke?

"Say, you mind if I smoke?"

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Bill...

"Bill..."

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Bill, can I talk to you

"Bill, can I talk to you"

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in my office for a minute?

"in my office for a minute?"

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And if you do,

"And if you do,"

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make sure you take along an extension cord.

"make sure you take along an extension cord."

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and horribly inappropriate jokes you were telling.

"and horribly inappropriate jokes you were telling."

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Some of us have different ways

"Some of us have different ways"

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who's too sick to defend himself?

"who's too sick to defend himself?"

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Oh, please. You wouldn't know tough love

"Oh, please. You wouldn't know tough love"

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Well--

"Well--"

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Can't you ever just be sincere and normal?

"Can't you ever just be sincere and normal?"

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In real life? No.

"In real life? No."

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Well, when I'm on the air, I open up completely.

"Well, when I'm on the air, I open up completely."

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And back when I was a DJ, on my college station,

"And back when I was a DJ, on my college station,"

NewsRadio

Hey, listen. You're not trying to get me to smoke pot, are you?

"Hey, listen. You're not trying to get me to smoke pot, are you?"

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Like, you're a high school dropout.

"Like, you're a high school dropout."

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I mean, Jimmy, what I'm trying to say is,

"I mean, Jimmy, what I'm trying to say is,"

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if you can hear me, I'd--

"if you can hear me, I'd--"

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And that's how Bobby Ojeda

"And that's how Bobby Ojeda"

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Hey.

"Hey."

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You can go now, Joe. I'll take over.

"You can go now, Joe. I'll take over."

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You know, what-- What I'm trying to say is,

"You know, what-- What I'm trying to say is,"

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you're like a role model to me,

"you're like a role model to me,"

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and I've never really had a role model before...

"and I've never really had a role model before..."

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except for John Gotti.

"except for John Gotti."

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Except one time, I followed him to his house,

"Except one time, I followed him to his house,"

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and I tried to jump his fence.

"and I tried to jump his fence."

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Which really wasn't such a good idea.

"Which really wasn't such a good idea."

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And if you saw the Ultimate Fighting Championship,

"And if you saw the Ultimate Fighting Championship,"

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you'd know that that's how Mark Coleman

"you'd know that that's how Mark Coleman"

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made Dan Severen tap out.

"made Dan Severen tap out."

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Hi, Mr. James.

"Hi, Mr. James."

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It's me...

"It's me..."

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I-I'm not really sure, uh,

"I-I'm not really sure, uh,"

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so I'm just going to try and--

"so I'm just going to try and--"

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And speak openly

"And speak openly"

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and honestly from my heart...

"and honestly from my heart..."

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which doesn't come naturally.

"which doesn't come naturally."

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Um...

"Um..."

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But, fortunately, I've taken some time

"But, fortunately, I've taken some time"

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in order to maximize emotional utility.

"in order to maximize emotional utility."

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Okay.

"Okay."

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Well, that one's stupid.

"Well, that one's stupid."

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I really didn't have a lot of time

"I really didn't have a lot of time"

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I'm just gonna be honest.

"I'm just gonna be honest."

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who has achieved more of his life goals than I have.

"who has achieved more of his life goals than I have."

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it does keep me from getting complacent.

"it does keep me from getting complacent."

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I want to accomplish before I die.

"I want to accomplish before I die."

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Uh--

"Uh--"

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No. I mean, before...

"No. I mean, before..."

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Yeah. Anyway...you know,

"Yeah. Anyway...you know,"

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conveniently enumerated all of my goals

"conveniently enumerated all of my goals"

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on card number 14C, which is--

"on card number 14C, which is--"

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Yeah. See, here it is.

"Yeah. See, here it is."

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Uh..."financial independence." Check.

"Uh..."financial independence." Check."

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Uh, "mentioned in the New York Times

"Uh, "mentioned in the New York Times"

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"Double 800s on my SATs."

""Double 800s on my SATs.""

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Some of these are kind of old,

"Some of these are kind of old,"

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"Achieve 10-year career plan in five years."

""Achieve 10-year career plan in five years.""

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Uh, you're supposed to be talking to him.

"Uh, you're supposed to be talking to him."

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I w-- I was. Uh-huh.

"I w-- I was. Uh-huh."

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I just-- I realized something though.

"I just-- I realized something though."

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What?

"What?"

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Ah, what-- What is it?

"Ah, what-- What is it?"

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Well, I'm very serious.

"Well, I'm very serious."

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I wanna have a baby.

"I wanna have a baby."

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What? Oh, my God.

"What? Oh, my God."

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All right, let's, uh--

"All right, let's, uh--"

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Uh, one step at a time, all right?

"Uh, one step at a time, all right?"

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where were we?

"where were we?"

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I don't know. I was just in there talking to Jimmy

"I don't know. I was just in there talking to Jimmy"

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about the things I've accomplished in my life,

"about the things I've accomplished in my life,"

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and the things I want to accomplish, and I--

"and the things I want to accomplish, and I--"

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I had a revelation.

"I had a revelation."

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Lisa, you can't make a decision this big

"Lisa, you can't make a decision this big"

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eating a cheese steak sub when, boom, it hit me.

"eating a cheese steak sub when, boom, it hit me."

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Radio journalism. And here I am.

"Radio journalism. And here I am."

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That I wish I had ordered ketchup for my cheese steak.

"That I wish I had ordered ketchup for my cheese steak."

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I wanted to be a forest ranger.

"I wanted to be a forest ranger."

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Yes, Dave. But that was then, this is now.

"Yes, Dave. But that was then, this is now."

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Now it's time to have a baby...with you.

"Now it's time to have a baby...with you."

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This isn't how I expected this to come up, all right?

"This isn't how I expected this to come up, all right?"

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You know...

"You know..."

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[STAMMERS]

"[STAMMERS]"

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Why?

"Why?"

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you know, life with you, you know?

"you know, life with you, you know?"

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Hm? No.

"Hm? No."

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we can have a discussion about getting married.

"we can have a discussion about getting married."

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Okay, and who will be in on this discussion?

"Okay, and who will be in on this discussion?"

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Or will I have any input at all?

"Or will I have any input at all?"

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All right. I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

"All right. I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

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Well, yeah. Yeah, it is a little.

"Well, yeah. Yeah, it is a little."

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Thanks. Okay.

"Thanks. Okay."

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[CLEARS THROAT] [SIGHS]

"[CLEARS THROAT] [SIGHS]"

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Oh, well--

"Oh, well--"

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You got it, bro.

"You got it, bro."

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[SLOW JAZZ PLAYING]

"[SLOW JAZZ PLAYING]"

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the bad boy of WFIB.

"the bad boy of WFIB."

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The one and only.

"The one and only."

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I'd like to take a moment right now

"I'd like to take a moment right now"

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who's going through some tough times.

"who's going through some tough times."

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When I think of my personal heroes, who do I think of?

"When I think of my personal heroes, who do I think of?"

NewsRadio

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