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Clips from Family Guy - Quagmire's Mom (S13E13)

"You know what else lasts an eternity? This conversation."
Family Guy
"we can begin to build a bond as mother and son."
Family Guy
""Mother and son"?! Mothers love their children!"
Family Guy
"They nurture them and protect them! You've never done a thing for me!"
Family Guy
"He had a... uh, procedure."
Family Guy
"That's also a fun activity."
Family Guy
"Fresh air! Freedom!"
Family Guy
"Peter, while I'm away, I want you to hold onto my antique, gold Rolex watch."
Family Guy
"and I cannot stress this enough... it is not a throwing watch."
Family Guy
"Hmm. I can't help but think this selfish attitude is part of what got you here."
Family Guy
"Oh, y-you better get rid of that before you get in there."
Family Guy
"All right. Good-bye, everybody."
Family Guy
"And-and don't worry about me. I-I'll see you real soon."
Family Guy
"You got a good body, man. Why do you hide it under that robe?"
Family Guy
""Commuted"? I don't understand."
Family Guy
"Hello, Glenn."
Family Guy
"By the way, Your Honor, your fly is down."
Family Guy
"Well, let's just say some new DNA evidence was produced."
Family Guy
"Anyway, you're free to go."
Family Guy
"- Mom... Di-did you...? - Yep. Twice."
Family Guy
"But I-I thought you were Christian now."
Family Guy
"You were right, Glenn. I was a terrible mother."
Family Guy
"That's great."
Family Guy
"Here, sweetie, I'll write you a check."
Family Guy
"So, this is not your birth certificate?"
Family Guy
"Oh, hey, Chris. I just figured now that I'm Justin,"
Family Guy
"in case I need a quick "inspo sesh.""
Family Guy
"Oh, did I tell you I'm gonna be doing a lot of abbreve's?"
Family Guy
"Some "gnar-gnars." Was in one today."
Family Guy
"Great. Go."
Family Guy
"Anyway, now I gotta go in front of a judge."
Family Guy
"Once the girl proves her age, that's it... you're guilty."
Family Guy
"Here is a penguin, don't know why."
Family Guy
"Ergo, he's only 12. Ergo, the girl raped him. Argo, Ben Affleck."
Family Guy
"I don't know. Why don't you ask all these letters to Santa Claus?"
Family Guy
"Look, I know everyone's sitting out there judging me today."
Family Guy
"* Walter, Xavier, Yaz and Zeke *"
Family Guy
"I never had a chance to be like everyone else."
Family Guy
"Dairy Queen closes in ten minutes."
Family Guy
"Your Honor, as the defendant's mother, I ask that you show mercy on him."
Family Guy
"Your Honor, I have renounced my sinful past,"
Family Guy
"* Happy Birthday to you *"
Family Guy
"Peter? Peter?!"
Family Guy
"- How long does this last? - Hard to say."
Family Guy
"Ah, don't think of it as 20 years."
Family Guy
"Oh, n-now she's just setting me up. Right?"
Family Guy
"You've never apologized once for the way you raised me!"
Family Guy
"Seems kind of cowardly to blame someone else for your problems."
Family Guy
"Brian abandoned his own son, by the way."
Family Guy
"Why are you, of all people, defending a religious nut?"
Family Guy
"He has a plan for everything."
Family Guy
"Oh, now I get it. That's why you found God."
Family Guy
"Did you hear about your ex-husband yet?"
Family Guy
"It didn't come back, like you said it would."
Family Guy
"What?! No! I-I-I meant, take care of her, like, look after her!"
Family Guy
"Good-bye, Glenn. Be strong. We'll keep you in our thoughts."
Family Guy
"Judge?! What are you doing here?"
Family Guy
"Your sentence has been commuted."
Family Guy
"And you know what she said to me?"
Family Guy
"She's the one who brought four loose Sierra Nevadas."
Family Guy
"Okay, but only with the sound off."
Family Guy
"Pa-shooo!"
Family Guy
"* Art, Bob, Chet, Don, Ed, Frank, Gus *"
Family Guy
"No. I think they need intensive therapy."
Family Guy
"You will not be serving prison time after all."
Family Guy
"Keep it cool, Lois."
Family Guy
"Really? Number one or number two?"
Family Guy
"* It seems today that all you see *"
Family Guy
"I'm concerned about Pax, Maddox, and Shiloh."
Family Guy
"Glenn's right. I was never there for him."
Family Guy
"* All the things that make us *"
Family Guy
"Uh... when a mommy and daddy love each other?"
Family Guy
"* Car bombing in Syria *"
Family Guy
"* Ooh, the people are dead. *"
Family Guy
"All right, everyone out of here."
Family Guy
"What the hell?! You said you were 23!"
Family Guy
"Yeah, and you said you loved me."
Family Guy
"It's best to just move on."
Family Guy
"But I'd love a second chance."
Family Guy
"It's a boy, Mrs. Quagmire."
Family Guy
"You... you're kidding!"
Family Guy
"The band Guster is the sweetest band of all time."
Family Guy
"* Lucky there's a family guy *"
Family Guy
"How in the world did you not know she was underage?"
Family Guy
"* He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! *"
Family Guy
"And-and Joe, you sure you don't mind taking care of my cat?"
Family Guy
"Well, that seems like a note for this morning."
Family Guy
"That's right. And there's not even a defense for statutory rape."
Family Guy
"Aw, Quagmire got away with it, and learned nothing."
Family Guy
"* Is violence in movies and sex on TV *"
Family Guy
"* On which we used to rely? *"
Family Guy
"Peter, did you throw up in the sink?"
Family Guy
"Oh, that's okay. I'll just take the school bus."
Family Guy
"And can you please explain to the courtroom what a Frosty Jim is."
Family Guy
"It was awful. I didn't even get to go to my high school prom."
Family Guy
"All I'm asking is that you give me the break that my childhood never did."
Family Guy
"What's the date today?"
Family Guy
"Where is your daughter? Show her to us!"
Family Guy
"Mr. Quagmire, your story is a sad one, but that doesn't excuse your actions."
Family Guy
"And I'll think of you whenever I choke on a link sausage. Take care, buddy."
Family Guy
"It's gonna cost several hundred dollars to repair."
Family Guy
"Do you have anything for me, Glenn?"
Family Guy
"Hey, you guys take good care of my child rapist friend!"
Family Guy
"Aah! Meg, I'm injured! Please help me! I smell gas!"
Family Guy
"Okay, here's the field! Good-bye forever!"
Family Guy
"Okay, well, first, I'll need to see a photo I.D. and a birth certificate."
Family Guy
"This is my room, Dad."
Family Guy
"- So, you want to go upstairs? - Sure."
Family Guy
"All right, fine."
Family Guy
"All right, now help me grind their horns into boner pills."
Family Guy
"Keira, that was an amazing night."
Family Guy
"I am here to inform you that I am a sex offender.""
Family Guy
"Ah, come on, Ronnie, she bought the dress."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God."
Family Guy
"How dare you come in here and tell me to seek forgiveness!"
Family Guy
"They've been raised with 11 languages, and really don't speak any."
Family Guy
"You know, some families take their baby to the zoo."
Family Guy
"I'm really gonna miss all you guys."
Family Guy
"- Oh cool, a throwing watch! - No, no, Peter, it..."
Family Guy
"Oh, I hear you, Quagmire."
Family Guy
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