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Clips from Family Guy - Quagmire's Mom (S13E13)

"Uh, my name isn't Peter. My name is Justin."
Family Guy
"I'm living a Justin lifestyle, and so is my family."
Family Guy
"You want to go to a concert? Huh?"
Family Guy
"- Want to go to a loud concert? - No."
Family Guy
"Since I'm your cool father Justin, we should bond with skin-to-skin contact."
Family Guy
"How about Justin takes his shirt off,"
Family Guy
"Your heartbeat is weird. It is not consistent at all."
Family Guy
"Okay, let's go for a ride in my open Jeep."
Family Guy
"I took the doors off, so it's extra terrifying."
Family Guy
"Yeah, that was me, I was the one who threw up in the sink."
Family Guy
"* I farm for my meals... *"
Family Guy
"I should start a "Sweet News" wall for stuff I think is totally sweet."
Family Guy
"Sliders, I think they're called. Ranch."
Family Guy
"Here's just a picture of a vest. Pretty sweet."
Family Guy
"Palm trees are very sweet, 'cause, like, the beach."
Family Guy
"It was tough, 'cause I had to move all my O.A.R. stuff to fit the Guster stuff."
Family Guy
"Peter, get out of Chris's room."
Family Guy
"Oh, hey Mama. Hey, you seen my copy of Into the Wild?"
Family Guy
"I like to have it on my person at all times,"
Family Guy
"Peter, you sound like an idiot."
Family Guy
"And did you put a skateboard in the washing machine?"
Family Guy
"It's like the rest of the world just shuts off,"
Family Guy
"and all that matters is you and Lady Blue."
Family Guy
"K-E-W-L."
Family Guy
"Peter, what the hell is going on?!"
Family Guy
"Oh, dude, is that your mom?"
Family Guy
"No, I'm not his mom, you little bastard."
Family Guy
"I've had enough of this "Justin" nonsense."
Family Guy
"Tomorrow we're going to city hall to legally change your name back to "Peter.""
Family Guy
"But I got to say, being Justin was quite an adventure."
Family Guy
"Like when I found where the Wild Things were."
Family Guy
"I owe you, Max. You led me right to 'em."
Family Guy
"Sorry I can't drive you to work."
Family Guy
"I gotta go sit in my den until you leave."
Family Guy
": No, silly, I take the bus. I'm in high school."
Family Guy
"Hey, Quagmire, sorry to bother you, but we're following up on a tip."
Family Guy
"Did you have sex with this underage girl?"
Family Guy
"Quagmire, I'm afraid you're under arrest for statutory rape."
Family Guy
"All right, but let me just send the pictures"
Family Guy
"We've got all the awesome evidence we need."
Family Guy
""Hello, my name is Glenn Quagmire."
Family Guy
""I am a neighbor of yours on Spooner Street."
Family Guy
"It seems as though you could have had some of that memorized."
Family Guy
"It turns out that girl I took home from Peter's party last night is in high school."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God!"
Family Guy
"Does this mean you're gonna move to Europe to make movies?"
Family Guy
"Well, in retrospect, she did ask a lot of questions about To Kill a Mockingbird."
Family Guy
"Oh, Gregory Peck... whew!"
Family Guy
"Our judicial system is so broken."
Family Guy
"No, Peter... Glenn has to go to court."
Family Guy
"You know what I tried today? A fig."
Family Guy
"I have a hearing tomorrow morning. I may have to go to jail."
Family Guy
"and show the court I'm not the monster they say I am."
Family Guy
"Well, Peter would be happy to support you."
Family Guy
"That's why I was so good at selling low-cost car insurance."
Family Guy
": White-trash rates from an army guy."
Family Guy
"I can't believe Quagmire and that girl had sex."
Family Guy
"Which is hugging someone really hard with your legs."
Family Guy
"- Nope. - Well, you'll tell me if I get it, though, right?"
Family Guy
"Yeah, I'll tell you if you get it. Okay, I'm gonna get it."
Family Guy
"Now, Mr. Griffin, I understand you're here to speak on Mr. Quagmire's behalf."
Family Guy
"That's right, Your Honor. And as we know, according to Game of Thrones,"
Family Guy
"if the girl has had her blood, she is good to go."
Family Guy
"Mr. Griffin, she was underage."
Family Guy
"Mr. Griffin, do you have any evidence that is not based on film or television?"
Family Guy
"Something's going on. We haven't gotten mail in a week."
Family Guy
"I... I haven't gotten mail in a week. Nobody writes you."
Family Guy
"Officer Swanson, I'll remind you that you are under oath."
Family Guy
"Uh... Sir, you're under oath."
Family Guy
"Well, it's when you urinate in a condom, and tie it off, freeze it,"
Family Guy
"Thank you. He's a good guy!"
Family Guy
"Mr. Brown, can you please state your occupation for the court?"
Family Guy
"Aw, come on, man, you didn't ask anyone else to do that!"
Family Guy
"Why am I on trial?! He's the one that mushed hisself on a child!"
Family Guy
"When are we gonna see this chick?"
Family Guy
"Okay, enough! No more help!"
Family Guy
"You want to know what made me the person I am?"
Family Guy
"Fine. I'll just do it with my mouth."
Family Guy
"Please, go ahead, Mr. Quagmire."
Family Guy
"But before you do, please know I had it pretty rough growing up."
Family Guy
"In fact, I think my problems started the day I was born."
Family Guy
"Wah! Wah! Wah!"
Family Guy
"- Oh, that's wonderful! - How do you feel?"
Family Guy
"Horny. Really horny. Could you put him back so I can push him out again?"
Family Guy
"* Hal, Irv, John, Ken, Lew-Matt-Ned-Ox-Pat *"
Family Guy
"* Quint, Ron, Sam, Tom, Ulf, Vic *"
Family Guy
"* Those are just some of the guys *"
Family Guy
"But my mom did."
Family Guy
"- Hey, is Crystal ready? - Oh, hi, Ronnie."
Family Guy
"Hey, listen, have my mom home by midnight, okay?"
Family Guy
"How about I plow her in the limo and have her home in 20 minutes?"
Family Guy
"So, you see, Your Honor, thanks to my mom,"
Family Guy
"Ha! She's enjoyed many men."
Family Guy
"Mom, what are you doing here?"
Family Guy
"- You what?! - I have seen the righteous path of our Savior,"
Family Guy
"and ask that you not sentence my son to jail,"
Family Guy
"Wow, Quagmire's mom is a Jesus freak."
Family Guy
"I haven't been this surprised since we went to that restaurant on my birthday."
Family Guy
"* Happy Birthday to you *"
Family Guy
"Aren't you gonna blow out your candles, Peter?"
Family Guy
"Oh, my God! Help! Someone call 911!"
Family Guy
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Quagmire, but my sentence stands. 20 years."
Family Guy
"Mr. Quagmire, I'll give you 24 hours to get your affairs in order."
Family Guy
"Think of it as two ten-year-olds, you sick freak."
Family Guy
"- God, 20 years. - I know this is a hard time for you,"
Family Guy
"but you need to seek forgiveness. You need to kneel before Jesus."
Family Guy
"It's usually somebody pushing your skull in the dark."
Family Guy
"There are really no introductions."
Family Guy
"Remember, He is inside you all the time."
Family Guy
"Where do you get off?!"
Family Guy
"Pretty much everywhere, I hear."
Family Guy
"Fat man's right... they're making this easy."
Family Guy
"You're the one who made me what I am!"
Family Guy
"Oh, come on, Quagmire, you're a grown man, responsible for his own choices."
Family Guy
"Glenn, we're not going to get anywhere questioning God's wisdom."
Family Guy
"So you can absolve yourself of any responsibility"
Family Guy
"They're having trouble adapting."
Family Guy
"I hear you, Doctor. So..."
Family Guy
"Let me see if I understand you. Even shorter on the sides?"
Family Guy
"Don't you see? This is your chance to open your heart and let God in."
Family Guy
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