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Clips from Family Guy - Quagmire's Mom (S13E13)

"* But where are those good old-fashioned values *"
Family Guy
"* Laugh and cry *"
Family Guy
"Come save my life and nurse me back to health!"
Family Guy
"Oh, God, why do bad things happen to good people?!"
Family Guy
"Okay, now let me tilt my glasses down and ask the date."
Family Guy
"I've obviously caught you at a bad time."
Family Guy
"That's just a wide pad of Post-its I gave you."
Family Guy
"- That's why. - Lois, I want my own checkbook, and I want it now!"
Family Guy
"Well, do ya, punk?"
Family Guy
"where is the room where I can roll around nude with my money?"
Family Guy
"Okay, "Justin... Peter... Griffin.""
Family Guy
"Huh, I like the sound of that. I'm a Justin!"
Family Guy
"* 37 people killed *"
Family Guy
"Hey, Lois, you seen my hiking boots? I need 'em later for park soccer."
Family Guy
"and we can get some photos of you on Justin's belly?"
Family Guy
"Geez, this "Justin" phase of Dad's is kind of weird."
Family Guy
"Eh, not as weird as his karaoke phase."
Family Guy
"Peter?"
Family Guy
"* Out here in the fields *"
Family Guy
"Dad, what are you doing in here?"
Family Guy
"Big puffy clouds are very sweet."
Family Guy
"Big hamburgers. Small hamburgers, too."
Family Guy
"How we do, Lois. All we do. You ever get in the pocket of a wave?"
Family Guy
"Peter, you know I haven't. And I know for a fact that you haven't, either."
Family Guy
"In the pocket. Some gnarlies out there."
Family Guy
""You're great.""
Family Guy
"Keira! You totally rock for bringing those."
Family Guy
"That "little bastard" knows how to smoke pot out of an apple."
Family Guy
"Wait... what?! You-you drive a school bus?"
Family Guy
"Well, I guess you got me there."
Family Guy
"I don't want to go to jail, but I really want to take credit."
Family Guy
"I took of her last night to all my friends."
Family Guy
"Oh, yeah! Boom!"
Family Guy
"You're disgusting. Take him away."
Family Guy
"Glenn, what the hell's going on?"
Family Guy
"Should have sent her my way. I love that book."
Family Guy
"My only hope for leniency is to bring in character witnesses"
Family Guy
"Yeah, you betcha, Quagmire. I'm very persuasive."
Family Guy
"The General Car Insurance. It'll worry whoever you hit."
Family Guy
"Has the girl had her blood? Answer the question."
Family Guy
"Yes, however, Mr. Quagmire was born on February 29th."
Family Guy
"Now, please tell us what Mr. Quagmire said he did with the girl."
Family Guy
"He, uh, said he gave her a Frosty Jim."
Family Guy
"and then the woman, um, pretends it's a man."
Family Guy
"I'm taking this Bible."
Family Guy
"You want to know what kind of person Glenn Quagmire is?"
Family Guy
"Then put me on the stand."
Family Guy
"Lois, can I play Angry Birds on your phone?"
Family Guy
"My dad was a military man, so he wasn't around much."
Family Guy
"And my mom, well, let's just say, she was a little promiscuous."
Family Guy
"I was born nine times that day. And things never got easier."
Family Guy
"The only way I learned my ABC's was by learning"
Family Guy
"the names of all the guys my mom slept with."
Family Guy
"* There are lots of other guys. *"
Family Guy
"My misguided carnal instincts are the result of being raised by a sexual deviant."
Family Guy
"I have no choice but to sentence you to 20 years in prison."
Family Guy
"Oh, no you don't!"
Family Guy
"- Mom?! - Crystal?"
Family Guy
"Do you know I'm carrying three handguns, and the metal detectors picked up nothing?"
Family Guy
"Well, as the victim's mother, I ask that you go to hell!"
Family Guy
"and have been washed in the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ."
Family Guy
"but instead release him to my custody so that I,"
Family Guy
"with God's guidance, can rehabilitate him."
Family Guy
"All right, guys, let's pay the check and get out of here."
Family Guy
"You guys!"
Family Guy
"* Happy Birthday, dear Peter *"
Family Guy
"* Happy Birthday to you. *"
Family Guy
"Mom, I think something's wrong with Dad."
Family Guy
"It's okay, ma'am. This happens here at Bennigan's all the time."
Family Guy
"Oh, he's gonna be kneeling in front of a lot of guys, but I doubt he'll catch their names."
Family Guy
"- Aren't you an atheist? - Yeah, it's crazy."
Family Guy
"You can think about that while you're in jail."
Family Guy
"and answer everything with empty platitudes."
Family Guy
"Face it, you're a worse parent than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie."
Family Guy
"you're saying we should give them all faux-hawks?"
Family Guy
"I know this jail sentence seems long. But salvation can last all eternity."
Family Guy
"And maybe through our shared relationship with the Lord,"
Family Guy
"I'd rather rot in jail than sit here and listen to all your crap!"
Family Guy
"Oh, yeah!"
Family Guy
"Oh, no, all taken care of. Brought her to the pound this morning. She went peacefully."
Family Guy
"You know, maybe I won't miss you people as much as I thought."
Family Guy
"What? No! Wha-what?! I just found out my cat died!"
Family Guy
"Mr. Quagmire, wait!"
Family Guy
"I wanted to tell you the good news in person."
Family Guy
"Helping my son is the most Christian thing I could do."
Family Guy
"I'd like that. I'd like that very much."
Family Guy
"Hey Lois, can I please have another pancake?"
Family Guy
"What? What's so funny?"
Family Guy
"I don't know. Dog eating pancakes. It's funny."
Family Guy
"Mom, I need a check for the school field trip."
Family Guy
"Geez, Meg, didn't I just take you on a field trip?"
Family Guy
"Meg, I'm still alive, but I'm badly burned!"
Family Guy
"No, no, I got it, Lois. Let me just lick my thumb"
Family Guy
"'cause that's what people do before they write a check."
Family Guy
"Dad, why don't your checks have any writing on them?"
Family Guy
"Why don't your shelves have any trophies on 'em?"
Family Guy
"Lois, why don't my checks have any writing on them?"
Family Guy
"Well, Peter... What?"
Family Guy
"What?! So that million dollar check you gave me yesterday is no good?"
Family Guy
"I quit my job, man!"
Family Guy
"I will not see you Monday!"
Family Guy
"What the hell, Lois? Why don't I have a real checkbook?"
Family Guy
"Peter, where do checks come from?"
Family Guy
"Ooh, I like when Dad talks tough. He sounds like Dirty Harry."
Family Guy
"You got to ask yourself one question. "Do I feel lucky?""
Family Guy
"Oh, Mr. Harry, you're really not gonna like what I have to say."
Family Guy
"- Hi. What can I do for you? - Yes, I was wondering,"
Family Guy
"- I'm sorry? - No, I'm sorry. I thought this was a bank."
Family Guy
"I'll handle this. My husband wants to open a checking account."
Family Guy
"Of course. I keep all my important papers in my bosom."
Family Guy
"It's actually just Peter Griffin."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God! Your first name is Justin?!"
Family Guy
"It is?!"
Family Guy
"Wow, I never noticed that! "Justin Griffin.""
Family Guy
"This is awesome! This changes everything!"
Family Guy
"Peter, it doesn't change a thing. You're still the exact same person."
Family Guy
"I beg to differ."
Family Guy
"And now, international news from Al Jarreau Jazeera."
Family Guy
"* Skididdly boom-bop a Dee, yeah *"
Family Guy
"Peter, why the hell do you look like that?"
Family Guy
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