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Clips from The Simpsons - Burns' Heir (S05E05)

"[ Mr. Burns ] Next."
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""[ Piano ]"
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"" Ring, ring, ring went the bell ""
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"Thank you! Give the bully an extra point."
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"[ Clears Throat ]"
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"I propose to you that your heir need not be a boy. In this phallocentric society of ours--"
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"So much for Plan B."
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"That's it, boy. You're our last hope."
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"Besides, I started a fire this morning that I really should keep an eye on."
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"Bart, this isn't the kind of thing I normally would think was a good idea..."
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"but you wouldn't have to live with Mr. Burns."
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"You'd just get all of his money someday. This could provide for your entire future."
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"- [ Applause ] - Congratulations."
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"You've just graduated from the most expensive and, therefore, best school there is."
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"And your discovery of the cure for the common cold--"
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"Hello, Marge. I'm Lee Majors. Will you come away with me?"
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"Uh... sure."
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"I've gotta stop fantasizing about Lee Majors."
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"Ah, one more."
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"Okay, boy. I wrote down exactly what to say."
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"Just read it, and you're a shoo-in!"
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"''Hello, Mr.-- Kurns."
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"I bad want... money now. Me sick.''"
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"''So pick, please, me, Mr. Burns.''"
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"- It's Kurns, stupid! - No, it's not."
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"- Disregard. - Oh, he's the worst yet."
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"[ Grunting ]"
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"- Ow! - Excellent."
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"[ Laughing ]"
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"The boot kicked Bart! It kicked him right in the butt!"
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"[ Groans ]"
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"I think Bart and Lisa are feeling a little upset right now."
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"- Isn't there something you'd like to say? - There sure is."
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"Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably."
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"The lesson is, never try."
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"[ Laughing ] Right in the butt."
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"- That was great. - [ Angry Grumbling ]"
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"I guess I'll have to leave all my money to the Egg Advisory Council."
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"Eggs have gotten quite a bad rap lately, you know, Smithers."
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"Oh, look. A bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction."
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"Why, that rapscallion is breaking all my windows."
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"[ Sinister Chuckling ]"
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"- [ Excited Shouting ] - [ Doorbell Ringing ]"
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"He's the perfect one to suckle at my proverbial teat."
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"You there, boy! What day is this?"
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"[ British Accent ] Today, sir? Why, it's Christmas Day."
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"- I was talking to him. You, what day is this? - Huh?"
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"I'll tell you what day it is."
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"Today is the day you become my heir."
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"Just sign here, and your son will stand to inherit my entire estate."
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"Whoo-hoo! We're rich."
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"Bart, get over to the mansion and open up all the windows."
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"We want to get the old people smell out before we move in."
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"- Dad, Mr. Burns hasn't passed away yet. - Huh? Oh, right."
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"So I guess you're in okay shape, huh?"
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"- No heart problems or anything? - Well, I--"
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"- Boo! - [ Groaning ]"
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"[ Groaning Continues ] I'm okay."
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"Now that you've all agreed to reap the windfall of my death..."
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"- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - Yeah."
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"- Let's push him down the steps. - No!"
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"You know, Bart, since he is giving you all of his money..."
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"maybe it would be nice if you spent some time with him."
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"- Well-- - Come on, honey."
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"All right."
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"How come Bart gets to do that..."
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"and I can't spend one night lurking in the bushes outside Chef Boyardee's house?"
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"Bart, I know you children see me as some sort of''booger man''..."
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"but, uh, I'm really not such a bad... dude."
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"- Whoa! [ Muffled Grunting ] - Oh, sorry. Wrong button."
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"Um... I think I'd like to go home."
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"even some sort of gelatin dish."
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"It's made from hooves, you know."
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"Anything, huh?"
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"Okay. I want pizza..."
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"- Hmm. - Hmm."
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"[ Chortling ] All right. Where's my 400 bucks?"
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"Hey, wait. How can you be here when your show's on live?"
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"Ah, I just threw on an old rerun. No one will know the difference."
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"Eh, children, remain calm."
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"The Falkland Islands have just been invaded."
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"I repeat, the Falklands have just been invaded!"
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"The disputed islands lie here, off the coast of Argentina."
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"[ Groans ]"
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"I got the idea from that movie, Sliver. What a delightful romp."
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"" [ Wiggum Humming ]"
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"Are you talking to me? There's no one else here."
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"You must be talking to me."
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"Well, that was an antique. Crap!"
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"Oh, yeah. So good."
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"Oh, that explains his mysterious trip to Holland."
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"And I had the greatest time."
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"Mr. Burns's house has everything--"
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"a hedge maze, a moat, bleached hardwood floors and a bottomless pit."
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"a hedge maze, a moat, bleached hardwood floors and a bottomless pit."
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"Hey! Mom, Bart's throwing peas!"
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"Mr. Burns throws peas at Smithers."
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"Ow! That was a big one!"
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"- Homer, say something. - Okay."
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"Lisa, quit getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas."
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"- [ Groans ] - Oh, yuck. Meat loaf."
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"My most hated of all loafs."
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"[ Gasps ] That was the end piece!"
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"That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing..."
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"but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog!"
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"- Go to your room! - No! This family stinks!"
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"Mr. Burns nurtures my destructive side. I'm suffocating here."
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"- Bart, you listen! - Oh, go eat some flowers!"
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"Smithers, my plan worked perfectly."
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"Bart Simpson will live here as my son..."
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"Bartholomew!"
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"Ugh! Smithers, get it off me!"
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"- Bart, you're coming home. - I want to stay here with Mr. Burns."
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"I suggest you leave immediately."
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"Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees..."
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"or dogs with bees in their mouth, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?"
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"He locked the door! I'll show him!"
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"[ Rings ]"
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"I'm very concerned. Mr. Burns has stolen our son, and he won't give him back."
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"I mean, we can't be ''policing'' the whole city."
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