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Clips from Scrubs - My Tormented Mentor (S03E03)

It's true, look.

"It's true, look."

Scrubs

I'll handle this. What Garfunkel here is trying to say

"I'll handle this. What Garfunkel here is trying to say"

Scrubs

and then have a big group un-bunching of your panties.

"and then have a big group un-bunching of your panties."

Scrubs

So, you guys my new residents?

"So, you guys my new residents?"

Scrubs

I hope it doesn't get on my dress.

"I hope it doesn't get on my dress."

Scrubs

I'm Dr Miller. A few things.

"I'm Dr Miller. A few things."

Scrubs

Now, I'd like to take a minute to listen to any questions any of you might have.

"Now, I'd like to take a minute to listen to any questions any of you might have."

Scrubs

Any other allergies? No? Great. You, and uni-brow, go scrub up.

"Any other allergies? No? Great. You, and uni-brow, go scrub up."

Scrubs

Get a new one.

"Get a new one."

Scrubs

Why don't you show the girls around while I'm in my board meeting?

"Why don't you show the girls around while I'm in my board meeting?"

Scrubs

You know Jordan, she's a rock.

"You know Jordan, she's a rock."

Scrubs

How about you? How you holding up?

"How about you? How you holding up?"

Scrubs

Are you gonna talk ever?

"Are you gonna talk ever?"

Scrubs

Hotdog, three o'clock. I mean five o'clock. Over there.

"Hotdog, three o'clock. I mean five o'clock. Over there."

Scrubs

for the fact Mommy did not pay attention to you. And if you don't get help,

"for the fact Mommy did not pay attention to you. And if you don't get help,"

Scrubs

Hot chick, twelve o'clock.

"Hot chick, twelve o'clock."

Scrubs

- Wow. - I know.

"- Wow. - I know."

Scrubs

Ted's sad life aside, you are going to run a sexual harassment seminar.

"Ted's sad life aside, you are going to run a sexual harassment seminar."

Scrubs

Look, Abby, I didn't write you asking for help, so if you continue,

"Look, Abby, I didn't write you asking for help, so if you continue,"

Scrubs

I should probably go to his place.

"I should probably go to his place."

Scrubs

that I think it would better for Dr Cox emotionally if you two would leave. OK?

"that I think it would better for Dr Cox emotionally if you two would leave. OK?"

Scrubs

How dare you tell us to leave because you wanna kiss Perry's ass.

"How dare you tell us to leave because you wanna kiss Perry's ass."

Scrubs

You shall not feast on me!

"You shall not feast on me!"

Scrubs

- What is he doing here? - He told us to leave town.

"- What is he doing here? - He told us to leave town."

Scrubs

Dr Turk, I asked you to apologise.

"Dr Turk, I asked you to apologise."

Scrubs

Dr Miller accused me of being sexist. Me.

"Dr Miller accused me of being sexist. Me."

Scrubs

I'm marrying Carla. Who do you think wears the pants?

"I'm marrying Carla. Who do you think wears the pants?"

Scrubs

May I ask you something, Judy?

"May I ask you something, Judy?"

Scrubs

You received four complaints about calling male residents by girls' names.

"You received four complaints about calling male residents by girls' names."

Scrubs

Give me that.

"Give me that."

Scrubs

Judy...

"Judy..."

Scrubs

and Dr "What's he overcompensating for?" here.

"and Dr "What's he overcompensating for?" here."

Scrubs

Are you asking me out on a date?

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

Scrubs

Please, we just met. Not that it would make a difference if we hadn't...

"Please, we just met. Not that it would make a difference if we hadn't..."

Scrubs

No one likes hysterical women.

"No one likes hysterical women."

Scrubs

I'm glad you're coping with Ben's death so well. I'm struggling.

"I'm glad you're coping with Ben's death so well. I'm struggling."

Scrubs

I won't fight about whether it's harder being black or a woman.

"I won't fight about whether it's harder being black or a woman."

Scrubs

Foxy, Enid.

"Foxy, Enid."

Scrubs

And this one, I can't even imagine what that upbringing must have been like.

"And this one, I can't even imagine what that upbringing must have been like."

Scrubs

Then try stepping into our shoes.

"Then try stepping into our shoes."

Scrubs

So squeeze those oversized feet into the shoes of someone

"So squeeze those oversized feet into the shoes of someone"

Scrubs

Not that you can't move it.

"Not that you can't move it."

Scrubs

Scrub up.

"Scrub up."

Scrubs

It's been two weeks since Ben died and even though he was Jordan's brother,

"It's been two weeks since Ben died and even though he was Jordan's brother,"

Scrubs

Dr Cox was having a much harder time with it than she was.

"Dr Cox was having a much harder time with it than she was."

Scrubs

Are you gonna lie around on the couch all day again today?

"Are you gonna lie around on the couch all day again today?"

Scrubs

- What am I supposed to do? - What about cleaning yourself?

"- What am I supposed to do? - What about cleaning yourself?"

Scrubs

I would but I'm afraid to go in our bathroom.

"I would but I'm afraid to go in our bathroom."

Scrubs

Why?

"Why?"

Scrubs

As Perry won't lift the seat on the loo, I've started to use his sink.

"As Perry won't lift the seat on the loo, I've started to use his sink."

Scrubs

Aren't you dolled up for the movies?

"Aren't you dolled up for the movies?"

Scrubs

If she doesn't get "shagged" every two days, she gets the shakes.

"If she doesn't get "shagged" every two days, she gets the shakes."

Scrubs

That could be cos you're sober for a change.

"That could be cos you're sober for a change."

Scrubs

Are you still mad because we tried to fix Jordan up with someone yesterday?

"Are you still mad because we tried to fix Jordan up with someone yesterday?"

Scrubs

- Scary. - Oh, God.

"- Scary. - Oh, God."

Scrubs

Dr Kelso was having female trouble of his own.

"Dr Kelso was having female trouble of his own."

Scrubs

Dr Kelso, the sexual harassment here is out of control.

"Dr Kelso, the sexual harassment here is out of control."

Scrubs

Somebody asked Laverne if her boobs were made for walking.

"Somebody asked Laverne if her boobs were made for walking."

Scrubs

- It's rude and makes no sense. - Paris and Nikki were not amused.

"- It's rude and makes no sense. - Paris and Nikki were not amused."

Scrubs

You named your breasts after the Hiltons?

"You named your breasts after the Hiltons?"

Scrubs

Other way around, sugar.

"Other way around, sugar."

Scrubs

Ladies, this hospital's policy on sexual harassment is well established, plus...

"Ladies, this hospital's policy on sexual harassment is well established, plus..."

Scrubs

is that you should all think about what's really bothering you,

"is that you should all think about what's really bothering you,"

Scrubs

Every time Turk's in a hurry, I'm tempted to jump out and scare him.

"Every time Turk's in a hurry, I'm tempted to jump out and scare him."

Scrubs

Well, today's the day.

"Well, today's the day."

Scrubs

The reason he's in such a rush is because he's starting rotation

"The reason he's in such a rush is because he's starting rotation"

Scrubs

with the hospital's new attending surgeon.

"with the hospital's new attending surgeon."

Scrubs

I could tell what the guys were thinking.

"I could tell what the guys were thinking."

Scrubs

Oh, there's so much blood.

"Oh, there's so much blood."

Scrubs

Don't talk while I'm talking and I don't like the smell of cologne in the OR.

"Don't talk while I'm talking and I don't like the smell of cologne in the OR."

Scrubs

Then after this minute, I never wanna hear from any of you ever again. Anyone?

"Then after this minute, I never wanna hear from any of you ever again. Anyone?"

Scrubs

I'm allergic to shellfish.

"I'm allergic to shellfish."

Scrubs

My waxer's in the Bahamas.

"My waxer's in the Bahamas."

Scrubs

Love to. Newbie, I've a job for you.

"Love to. Newbie, I've a job for you."

Scrubs

No pawning them off on Radar. They want the big-boy tour.

"No pawning them off on Radar. They want the big-boy tour."

Scrubs

I've shared a room with razor knees for two weeks. Do you have a queen bed?

"I've shared a room with razor knees for two weeks. Do you have a queen bed?"

Scrubs

It would be if I took my "quose" off it.

"It would be if I took my "quose" off it."

Scrubs

Quicker.

"Quicker."

Scrubs

- May I be excused? - You move, you die.

"- May I be excused? - You move, you die."

Scrubs

Be nice to my friends.

"Be nice to my friends."

Scrubs

Upstairs is where they die.

"Upstairs is where they die."

Scrubs

In the basement is where we slide their dead bodies into the wall.

"In the basement is where we slide their dead bodies into the wall."

Scrubs

And that's the gift shop.

"And that's the gift shop."

Scrubs

Where can one get a nice gin and tonic?

"Where can one get a nice gin and tonic?"

Scrubs

Down the street, they make an appletini to knock your socks off.

"Down the street, they make an appletini to knock your socks off."

Scrubs

Right! Let's go get drunk before Pilates.

"Right! Let's go get drunk before Pilates."

Scrubs

Jordan seems to be doing pretty well.

"Jordan seems to be doing pretty well."

Scrubs

I know it's been tough with Ben dying.

"I know it's been tough with Ben dying."

Scrubs

Let me go ahead and tee this up for you, Anneka.

"Let me go ahead and tee this up for you, Anneka."

Scrubs

We are all going to die someday. For the lucky few of us it'll be nice and fast.

"We are all going to die someday. For the lucky few of us it'll be nice and fast."

Scrubs

But for most of us it will be as long and painful as a conversation with you.

"But for most of us it will be as long and painful as a conversation with you."

Scrubs

That's a beautiful sentiment.

"That's a beautiful sentiment."

Scrubs

Todd, let's get off on the right foot.

"Todd, let's get off on the right foot."

Scrubs

Hey, it might just be because my expectations are low,

"Hey, it might just be because my expectations are low,"

Scrubs

but you guys did not suck in surgery yesterday.

"but you guys did not suck in surgery yesterday."

Scrubs

As long as your expectations are low, maybe we should have sex.

"As long as your expectations are low, maybe we should have sex."

Scrubs

Perfect.

"Perfect."

Scrubs

I'm concerned. I think you hold women responsible

"I'm concerned. I think you hold women responsible"

Scrubs

you'll start picking up prostitutes and killing them.

"you'll start picking up prostitutes and killing them."

Scrubs

- I've always wanted to say that to him. - Well, now you don't have to.

"- I've always wanted to say that to him. - Well, now you don't have to."

Scrubs

She just talked to me like I'm an idiot.

"She just talked to me like I'm an idiot."

Scrubs

It's been brought to my attention there's been inappropriate behaviour.

"It's been brought to my attention there's been inappropriate behaviour."

Scrubs

I know. I brought it to your attention.

"I know. I brought it to your attention."

Scrubs

It occurred to me that we can't allow this to continue.

"It occurred to me that we can't allow this to continue."

Scrubs

It occurred to you because I researched case studies

"It occurred to you because I researched case studies"

Scrubs

detailing the hospital's liability

"detailing the hospital's liability"

Scrubs

instead of going to single's night at the Korean church by my house.

"instead of going to single's night at the Korean church by my house."

Scrubs

- No one's gonna show up for that. - It isn't optional.

"- No one's gonna show up for that. - It isn't optional."

Scrubs

Anyone gets more than three complaints here in the box and they have to attend.

"Anyone gets more than three complaints here in the box and they have to attend."

Scrubs

- Seriously, how are you? - Oh, my God.

"- Seriously, how are you? - Oh, my God."

Scrubs

you'll end up eating, breathing and relieving yourself

"you'll end up eating, breathing and relieving yourself"

Scrubs

through a tube of some kind, signed, "Dealing with it on his own in Kansas."

"through a tube of some kind, signed, "Dealing with it on his own in Kansas.""

Scrubs

I wrote Dear Abby once in seventh grade cos I didn't have body hair.

"I wrote Dear Abby once in seventh grade cos I didn't have body hair."

Scrubs

By the time her response came out it was like a forest down there.

"By the time her response came out it was like a forest down there."

Scrubs

Looking for streamers and a marching band

"Looking for streamers and a marching band"

Scrubs

I've had to shake off something you've said.

"I've had to shake off something you've said."

Scrubs

Yes, Newbie, I'm having a tough day and I'd love to head home,

"Yes, Newbie, I'm having a tough day and I'd love to head home,"

Scrubs

but Jordan's Satanic brood has taken over my apartment

"but Jordan's Satanic brood has taken over my apartment"

Scrubs

and no man in his right mind would dare enter that place.

"and no man in his right mind would dare enter that place."

Scrubs

- Agility exercises? - I'm air-fondling Dr Miller's boobies.

"- Agility exercises? - I'm air-fondling Dr Miller's boobies."

Scrubs

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