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Clips from The Office - The Quiz (S01E01)

"Current champions are this team here - The Dead Parrots."
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"- Fit enough to fly. - He sleeps."
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"If you hadn't nailed him to the perch, he'd be pushing up daisies!"
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"Monty Python."
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"- Question one. All right... - Wait hang on, Gareth."
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"Oh, yeah. Tim's birthday today."
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"He's 30 years young - as I always say."
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"(APPLAUSE)"
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"Speech!"
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"ok. Question one..."
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"the U.S. Army replaced all existing infantry guns"
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"with the M-16 rifle, and which fixed-rate, repeat-fire machine gun?"
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"- You what? - Just write the answer if you know it."
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"Next."
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"We've been quiz champions for six years now."
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"We nearly lost it two years ago, unjustly."
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"Because Gareth was quizmaster then and the question was,"
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"And everyone put Vulcan, which is incorrect."
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"And Gareth went, "Oh, look just everyone gets one point,""
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"I said, "No no, everyone does not get one point."
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""Carpet Munchers don't get a point, Dr Wankenstein doesn't get a point."
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""Steven Hawking's Football Boots don't Get a point. I do.""
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"I had to go home to get a book to prove it."
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"They went, "Oh, yeah, you're right again. Well done. You've won. Sorry"."
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"No apologies necessary. Let's get on with the quiz but.."
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"Remember. Learn."
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"Ok. Question two."
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"In the song "19" by Paul Hardcastle,"
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"he told us that the average age of a soldier in the Vietnam war was 19."
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"Hardcastle also told us the average age of a soldier"
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"in the Second World War. What was it?"
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"No. I got loads of..."
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"I got one on tennis, one on the Suez Canal. Loads."
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"Which canal links the Mediterranean with the Red Sea?"
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"Oh, I don't want to talk about Mr Spock. That was.. that was all sorted out then."
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"Questions were asked. Certain parties weren't happy."
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"The questions were solved. End of discussion."
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"All right? Don't rake up old graves."
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"I don't want to go through all that again about you know,"
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"All I will say is what I said at the time. Ok?"
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"- Nick Kershaw's the little bloke... - Howard Jones was the one with the you know..."
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"That whole round's about old entertainment."
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"Right? That whole round's about old entertainment."
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"It's all about like late..late '60s, early '70s."
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"- Which insect produces gossamer? - Sshh! Come on, man."
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"- Which insect produces gossamer? - What is that?"
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"- I want you to answer, Finchy! - What is it?"
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"It's a spider."
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"A spider is an arachnid. Not an insect. Yeah?"
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"Ha! Eight legs, six legs. Eight legs, six legs."
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"You just need to spend a few a terms at the university of life."
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"(RICK) We'll see, we'll see, we'll see. We'll see when this is over."
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"People go, "Why is it important, a question about Mr Spock?""
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""It's half Alsatian, half labrador"."
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"I go along to Crufts, I go "Can I enter this dog in the labrador section?""
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""Can I enter it in the Alsatian section?" "No." For the same reasons."
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""Now get that dog out of my sight.""
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""Thanks, I will. You've proved my point.""
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"And that's Crufts."
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"Who had a hit single with "Don't Speak"?"
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"No Doubt. Yeah. I thought it might be. I thought it might be No Doubt."
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"Why did you say Four Non Blondes, then?"
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"I got Hooty the Blowfish, so let's move on."
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"East... East Side."
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"Oi."
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"- I didn't know. - You do know."
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"Didn't know."
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"- Missed. - Did I?"
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"Then you're putting this thing in my mind."
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"Poison with your bloody Four Non Blondes."
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"- Eh? - Both good groups."
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"Just don't guess."
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"Think logical. Think."
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"There's no logic to music, it's art."
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"We're not losing. The right questions aren't coming up."
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"Well it's all part of a quiz isn't it? Isn't it supposed to be random?"
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"Yeah well randomly awful."
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"- Choose a topic. - Sport."
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"- What's the capital of Iceland? - Reykjavik."
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"- Is that still a sport? - You. All right. You. Capital of Borneo?"
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"- Don't care. - See? It doesn't have one."
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"You didn't get any of those. (MOBILE RINGS)"
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"He's asking after me?"
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"You don't know who sang "In the Summertime" do you?"
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"Mungo Jerry. Ok. Yup, yup. Cheers."
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"Ha ha! Very funny. Do you want to hear the results or not?"
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"Ok. In position number four, Universally Challenged."
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"Third place goes to..."
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"Malcolm and Dennis!"
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"Er, which means that... Well..."
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"So tie-breaker situation."
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"Could you send one member of each of your teams up for a tie-breaker?"
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"First person to shout out the correct answer wins."
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"All right? So, if you're ready."
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"- "Midsummer Night's Dream." "Hamlet." - You've had your go."
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"You said the first person to shout the answer wins. You didn't say you only had one chance."
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"- "The Tempest." - "The Tempest." He's got it!"
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"There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, the winners."
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"That's Blockbusters!"
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"You didn't say you only had one go."
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"You said the first person to shout out the answer wins. Yeah?"
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"The first person. That's my point. Yeah?"
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"Here he is. Chris Finch. Or is it Hamlet? Is it Macbeth?"
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"- Banter. - No, it's not banter."
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"- It's not banter. Not now. - All right, ok so.. when we had the question,"
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"name the Cuban leaderwho's been in power since the revolution in 1959..."
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"- Fidel Castro. - You know it now yeah. What did you say?"
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"What did you say then? Go on."
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"Who's the Cuban leader?"
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"Fray Bentos."
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"No wonder this place is going down the pan. You're a waste of bloody space."
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"- They beat me? - Yes."
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"- Like what? - Like throwing."
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"Throwing. No. That's good."
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"The landlord of the Lamb pub in Chichester"
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"challenges me to throw one of these little copper kettles over his pub."
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"Obviously. That's actually an official Territorial Army method"
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"if you're in the jungle, except you'd use vines from the trees."
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"- Or do you use a kettle? - No, the equivalent. Coconut."
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"I will throw anything that you choose over this building."
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