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Clips from The Office - The Quiz (S01E01)

"Were you one of the two or by yourself? Because.."
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"If there's two of you, it's cheating because one of you is bound..."
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"Did you win anything or...?"
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"- I usually get five, to be honest. - Five Gold Runs?"
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"But you know you have to answer loads of questions before...?"
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"- Yeah, I do. - You'd get them all?"
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"Give me one of the ones you had. Fingers on the buzzers."
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"Right. Which Y was... Which Y had a hit single with "The Only Way Is Up""
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"- Yazz. - Yup."
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"- You said Yazoo. - I know."
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"What's your cut-off point? Yazz. I know."
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"Well but you said Yazoo first. You would have got it wrong on 'Blockbusters'."
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"I'll give you one. A proper one. Um.."
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"- Do you want a hand? - No no."
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"Oo can I have this when you've finished?"
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"- Yeah you can have it. - When will you be finished?"
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"- Ok then. I'll just have it on weekends! - ok."
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"- This is gonna take forever... - No, it was going to be what D,"
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"- I couldn't think of the question. - All right. Ok well um.."
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"What D was a Russian dissident who wrote the novel "Crime and Punishment"?"
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"See you later."
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"You can't come in here. Quiz officials only."
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"- What are you doing? - I'm the quiz master and I'm doing the questions."
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"- Get out now or I'll report you. Simple as that. - Are these the questions?"
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"Do not look at those! Right. Disqualification. You're both disqualified."
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"Um, Gareth, we're having an argument. We need your help."
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"No. I dont want to help. I haven't got time to help. Allright?"
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"- Right. It's about the army. - Go on, then, quick."
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"I was wondering"
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"if a military man like you -"
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"a soldier -"
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"could you give a man a lethal blow?"
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"If I was forced to, I could. If it was absolutely necessary."
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"If he was attacking me."
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"If he was cumming really hard."
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"And do you always imagine doing it face to face with a bloke"
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"- Either way is easy. - Either way."
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"And you could do a man from behind?"
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"- Yeah. - Yeah. Lovely."
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"It's got an error - an offline error 324."
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"And uh.. That comes out."
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"- Hiya. - Hiya."
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"You dont know about these? I'm trying to fix this. It's got an offline 243 error."
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"- No... - But I just.. I don't really know what that is so.."
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"You know we were talking earlier about Dostoyevsky weren't we?"
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"All it is is he was a member of a secret political party,"
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"and they put him in a Siberian labour camp for four years,"
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"so... you know."
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"He wrote "House of the Dead"."
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"Didn't he?"
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"Oh, well."
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"they've discovered your camp,"
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"and you're lying there, they've caught you with your trousers down,"
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"and they've all entered your hole without you knowing."
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"No, because I'd be ready for them."
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"You'd be lying there waiting for it?"
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"Yeah. Well, no. What's more likely is that I wouldn't be there"
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"if I knew they knew where I was."
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"- You'd be using your hole as bait? - Yeah."
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"You're 30, and you're getting off on pretending Gareth's gay."
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"Eh..What?!"
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"I think she's been on the waccy baccy!"
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"Oh... what's that?"
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"It's very complicated. You open that, put that in there,"
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"put that down there, and you..."
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"- Hiya. ...push the green button."
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"Were we talking earlier about Dostoyevsky's "House of the Dead"?"
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"- Yeah. I think we mentioned it. - Which he wrote in 1862."
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"I was just going to say, that of course it wasn't his first major work."
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"Wasn't it?"
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"No. His first major work was "Notes from the Underground,""
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"which he wrote when he got back in St Petersburg in 1959."
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"- Really? - Yup. Definitely."
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"Well, of course, my favourite is "The Raw Youth"."
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"It's basically where Dostoyevsky goes on to explain"
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"how science can't really find answers for the deeper human need."
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"He does."
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"- Heaven forbid. - No."
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"It'll just be a registry office you know. Save money."
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"Then we'll move in with my mum for a few months."
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"- Save on rent. - Yeah."
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"Let Dawn get a few kiddies under her belt."
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"Which'll be nice because then my mum can look after them."
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"Got to dream the dream."
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"What's that?"
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"I was just laughing at what Dawn said."
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"- Coz' you're such a big high flyer. - No I just..."
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"I was laughing at her joke, that's all."
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"When you start getting a life mate, you can take the mickey out of ours all right?"
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"I don't mean to have a go at you. You're fine. You're fine all right? No worries."
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"- We've all had a coffee. - No worries."
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"Is it questions?"
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"Oi! Finchy!"
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"Oh here we go. Fasten your seatbelts."
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"- There's not a seat belt big enough for you, you fat bastard. - All bought and paid for innit."
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"I'm not saying he's fat, but when he jumps in the air, he gets stuck."
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"I'm David Brent. I'm David Brent."
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"Jim Carrey on acid!"
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"You know what they say, there's none so queer as folk."
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"- Or David Brent. - Oh, speak to yourself..."
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"C'mon, spit it out - as your boyfriend said last night!"
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"- I was just going to say it back to you. - Yeah, but I don't have a boyfriend. You do."
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"- Can't get a word in edgeways! - Can't get a what in edgeways?"
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"- Ooh, matron! - You can have that one, lad."
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"Oh, that one always..."
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"Finchy."
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"- Ricky, this is Chris. - Hello, mate."
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"You'll need more than that tonight. I heard about you and Dostoyevsky."
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"I read a book a week, so a question like that surely won't catch me out."
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"Christ. Give me half hour with her, I'll be up to my nuts in guts."
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"Sorry. Exactly which books do you read every week?"
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"Science... Science and nature."
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"Everything on the Trivia board. All those different subjects."
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"This lot sound like they haven't read a book between them sometimes."
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"- College boys. - Bloody students. Waste of space."
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"Yeah. I had a job when I was studying, so..."
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"Professor in charge of watching "Countdown" every day?"
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"That's clever and funny. I bloody hate him now. That's why we get on I think."
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"(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)"
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"Can I have everyone's attention, please?"
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