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Clips from The Office - The Quiz (S01E01)

"(VACUUM CLEANER HUMS)"
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"My mum got me up really early this morning to give me my present."
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"Finchy!"
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"Winnie Mandela? Oh, yeah, that's good."
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"What did she get you?"
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"Hiya. All right?"
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"Ta."
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"Thanks."
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"- It's um.. Tim's birthday. - Oh, yeah?"
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"So, um... I'm more sort of character based, and he's more of a gag man."
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"- Which one is it? - It's 30."
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"I know what you're thinking - "My youth's over.""
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"He was convinced there was a Japanese sniper on the roof of Debenhams."
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"Good spot. That's a good spot. That's where I'd be if I had to take someone out that lived there."
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"- Who was up there? - No one was there."
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"Wotcher."
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"Get him over."
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"- Let's have a look. - Doing, doing!"
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"Ex-sperminate!"
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"I've got one. Thomas the Tank Engine rolled into town!"
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"Don't grab it unless you've got one ready coz it slows it down."
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"And here's one right. Witnesses that I started this one, right."
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""but if he fell in a barrel full of tits,"
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""he'd come up sucking his own thumb.""
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"Suck tits? I thought you sucked knobs."
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"The handicapped..."
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"Not tonight."
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"Drinks at six."
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"It's not the first though."
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"- Yeah. Just one. Just one. - Just one?."
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"Yeah. Two Gold Runs. Camping equipment, Walkman."
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"Um... ok."
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"- and sang with Plastic Population? - Yazoo!"
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"- Are you getting it? - Yeah. It's a tiny bit loud."
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"Sorry."
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"I don't know. Maybe we could share it."
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"and the answer was going to be Dostoyevsky."
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"You don't get prizes for guessing."
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"Unlucky."
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"Yeah. If my life was in danger, yeah."
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"or could you take a man from behind?"
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"So I'm going to have to take the paper out."
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"- Oh, yeah? - Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky."
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"- Born 1821. Died 1881. - That's right."
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"Well, I don't know much about that. I didn't cover it, really."
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"Hang on. I read about it in er..."
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"And.. I think he put all his memoirs in that."
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"Yup."
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"So... you've dug your foxhole,"
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"and you've pitched your tent..."
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"I'd be hiding, watching the hole, using it as a trap."
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"What?"
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"Anyway whatever happens it ain't going to be a flashy wedding."
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"And uh.. well then you'll probably go out and get a part-time cleaning job or something."
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"- I'm not having a go. I'm just, you know. - No, it doesn't matter."
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"Is it an intro? What I'm saying is..."
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"It's the time of month. When's it due?"
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"Oh, God."
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"Come and check out the opposition."
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"Chris Finch. I heard about "Blockbusters"."
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"- While you're down there, love...! - Close, but harmless innit."
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"In books."
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""Oh, I don't do anything all day, but I need more money to do it.""
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"Political."
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"We haven't got..."
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"So what better way to celebrate than a battle of wits? So.."
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"In the mid 1960s,"
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"what type of alien is Mr Spock?"
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"Mr Spock is half Vulcan, half human, ok?"
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"Gareth, are all these going to be about war?"
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"whether he's a Vulcan or a human or vice versa."
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"Look at his ears."
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"How could you confuse Howard Jones with Nick Kershaw? Shame on you."
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"- Ha, yes! - Six legs or eight legs. Yeah?"
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"- Thank you. Am I right? - Two out."
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"Shame on you."
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"I go, "It's like saying, Oh! I've got a new pedigree dog breed."
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""No." "Why?" "Because it's not a labrador." "Correct.""
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"Is this the first time you've lost?"
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"- Tell you what. Next time I'll choose the questions. - Good quizmaster."
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"- And they were random, yeah. - It wasn't really random."
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"(DAVID) Hello, Doctor."
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"No. There's no way I can get away now. I'm snowed under at work."
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"Can't you give him something to help him sleep?"
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"Ok. Yeah."
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"Ok. Thanks. Oh..."
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"It's a dead heat between the Dead Parrots and The Tits."
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"Which Shakespeare play features a character called Caliban?"
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"- "Macbeth." - No. Ricky?"
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"Well maybe I'll write the questions next time and you can have this fat bastard."
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"- It's in that situation... - Tell them. What did you say then?"
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"Oi don't get at him just 'cause they beat you."
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"I could give you a list 50 things I could beat them at."
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"So I go outside, take off my tie, tie it to the handle..."
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"So you choose anything, if he can throw it over, we've won the champagne,"
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"Tickle him! Tickle him! Tickle him!"
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"- Using the tie method? - Oh, no. The shoelaces."
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"Typical. That'll work!"
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"Right. Here we go."
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"Screw "Blockbusters"!"
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"Screw Bob Holness and screw your Gold Run."
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"- I'm a loser. - You're shit, you're shit!"
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"- That's the boss. - Yes, I am the boss."
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"Like Springsteen. Born to run. The Slough branch."
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"Let that be a lesson to you. Respect your elders"
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"Well, we can go out before. When does it start?"
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"- Seven. Always. - ok. Well drinks at six then."
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"- Did you get him a gift? - No. But it starts at seven."
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"I know. Well, ok. Drinks at six."
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"- Shall I get him a card from you? - Whatever."
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"Finch is coming down, so got to be ready to go at seven, ok."
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"But starts at seven."
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"Drinks at six."
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"Studying? Quiz."
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"Are you a team again?"
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"Just three of you, is it?"
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"Yeah."
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"- Are you excited? First big quiz? - Ya. Looking forward to it."
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"I er... was on "Blockbusters"."
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"- What, on the telly? - Yeah."
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