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Clips from Scrubs - My Day at the Races (S05E05)

"Ocho thirty until upside-down question mark."
Scrubs
"Sombreros at the door."
Scrubs
"[Trills]"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Since there were 12 surgical residents at Sacred Heart fighting"
Scrubs
"Excuse me a second."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Turk thought he was the only one who heard that."
Scrubs
"I got your back, T-Dog."
Scrubs
"[# Carl Douglas: Kung Fu Fighting]"
Scrubs
"[Screams]"
Scrubs
"- Yeah! - Whoa-oh!"
Scrubs
"- Hey, buddy. - Hey!"
Scrubs
"- Oh, my briefcase. - Yeah."
Scrubs
"# I can't do this all on my own"
Scrubs
"# No, I know I'm no Superman"
Scrubs
"Dude, look at you. Thirty years old, all growed up."
Scrubs
"Oh, really, Turk?"
Scrubs
"Because the Sacred Heart sign I vandalized last night begs to differ."
Scrubs
"- Yeah. - Check it!"
Scrubs
""Things to do by 30: Get married, buy a house,"
Scrubs
"learn difference between senator and congressman.""
Scrubs
"- You haven't done any. - I know. But who cares?"
Scrubs
"I got all the time in the world. I mean, I'm only turning 30."
Scrubs
"So you wanted to talk to me about your appendectomy, Mrs..."
Scrubs
"so I'd like to use hypnosis instead of traditional anesthesia."
Scrubs
"but that ain't happening either, you know what I'm sayin'?"
Scrubs
"My appendectomy patient wants me to use hypnosis instead of anesthesia."
Scrubs
"but that ain't gonna happen."
Scrubs
"- Dr. Cox! - Dr. Cox!"
Scrubs
"No! Awful!"
Scrubs
"Hypnosis is a very powerful tool."
Scrubs
"It's helped with depression, weight loss. It helped me quit smoking."
Scrubs
"Now, you go tell your patient to let you do what you do best:"
Scrubs
"Knock her out, start digging around inside"
Scrubs
"- like a blind man looking for a nickel. - You should do it."
Scrubs
"- Dig. Dig. Dig. - Do it. Do it."
Scrubs
"That means you occasionally have to listen to me and believe in my opinion."
Scrubs
"Irrelevant, not having a daughter."
Scrubs
"What if we have a son and he wants to take dance,"
Scrubs
"He can dance if he wants to. He can leave his friends behind."
Scrubs
"# 'Cause his friends don't dance and if they don't dance"
Scrubs
"Then I said, "What if our son wants to take dance class"
Scrubs
"instead of football with his friends?" Turk ran off singing Safety Dance."
Scrubs
"- Yeah. - Someone's leaving!"
Scrubs
"- [Groans] - [Both] We saw it first!"
Scrubs
"into the next five minutes. Now, you just make sure not to engage them."
Scrubs
"I've worked with her before. She has no off button."
Scrubs
"If money is so tight, have Jake move in with you."
Scrubs
"No!"
Scrubs
"He's this guy I've been going out with,"
Scrubs
"but we're not ready to move in. He's a little closed-off."
Scrubs
"Sweetie, are you aware of who I live with?"
Scrubs
"Elliot, maybe you should be the one to open Jake up."
Scrubs
"You know, like Turk can be a little... immature."
Scrubs
"or shut off his iPod during sex. I bet you could do the same thing with Jake."
Scrubs
"Or maybe you could pressure him, get dumped, throw on 50 pounds,"
Scrubs
"You haven't done anything on this list."
Scrubs
"I've had sex while playing Frogger, I'm gonna be a dad."
Scrubs
"- I'm through my list. - I've done nothing."
Scrubs
"I learned another language,"
Scrubs
"but it was that one where you put a "b" in every word."
Scrubs
"- I was never fluent. - That secret language was so lame."
Scrubs
"Nobba with the ladie-bb-ys!"
Scrubs
"There are four spots for next year."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna stick with four."
Scrubs
"See, there are numerous skilled surgeons here at Sacred Fart..."
Scrubs
"Did you see the sign?"
Scrubs
"Though there will be no vandalism here, people!"
Scrubs
"Hell's bells, son, when I say the name Turkelton, people laugh."
Scrubs
"Not yet, Turkelton. Not yet."
Scrubs
"Elliot, I don't think I understand what you want."
Scrubs
"I just want you to open up, you know, emotionally, spiritually."
Scrubs
"well, my favorite sports teams."
Scrubs
"Tenth grade, He made Jennifer Martin sleep with me."
Scrubs
"OK. How about opening up sexually?"
Scrubs
"Yeah, but in there, it's crazy."
Scrubs
"[Growls]"
Scrubs
"You're a Mexican apple thief, I run the cider house."
Scrubs
"Anyway, we're alone, you don't speak a word of English,"
Scrubs
"And our passion is so loud that they can hear it all the way in the distillery."
Scrubs
"Oh! God, I can be such an apple slut."
Scrubs
"When did we lose Mr. Heath?"
Scrubs
"Oh, we didn't. His vitals are fine."
Scrubs
"It's a slow day in my morgue. Nothing's written in stone."
Scrubs
"- You wrote a time of death! - I wrote "one-ish.""
Scrubs
"I have to find one thing on this list I can do by then."
Scrubs
"Swing by our parts department and pick up a pair of testes."
Scrubs
"Haven't you used that a trillion times?"
Scrubs
"I'm OK with it."
Scrubs
""Invent a cereal"? "Complete a triathlon"?"
Scrubs
"There's a triathlon tomorrow."
Scrubs
"Thing One and Thing Two have been training for it."
Scrubs
"We're working on our drafting technique."
Scrubs
"If your goal is to repel all women, it's definitely working."
Scrubs
"You don't know anything about triathlons."
Scrubs
"I didn't know anything about cereal inventing, either."
Scrubs
"- Why is everybody wearing wetsuits? - The water's like 49 degrees."
Scrubs
"So, what's your best time, buster?"
Scrubs
"Honestly, Ted, it doesn't really matter, as long as I finish by 6:41 tonight."
Scrubs
"Whether you're caught in a lie with your wife..."
Scrubs
"I heard you were doing the hypnosis surgery. You actually listened to me!"
Scrubs
"Hell, yeah, I listened to you. Baby, come on!"
Scrubs
"Oh, my God, Jake!"
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"- You wanna talk about it? - Nope!"
Scrubs
"Oh, Jehovah, that's cold!"
Scrubs
"Oh, God, why?"
Scrubs
"There's a little. Here's some more."
Scrubs
"All right, ease it in. Ease it in."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] As I sidestroked through the salty waters of the great Pacific..."
Scrubs
"... I wondered if everyone was doing as well as I was."
Scrubs
"Why are these cameras here?"
Scrubs
"Turkelton, this is quite the event here at Sacred Fart."
Scrubs
"I can't help it, it kills me."
Scrubs
"even that Japanese news anchor who slept with me"
Scrubs
"when I convinced her I was an oil tycoon."
Scrubs
"We're getting a good bit of interest from the seismologists at Caltech,"
Scrubs
"who I understand will be able to chart the magnitude of the scream"
Scrubs
"emanating from your hypnosis patient, as well as, of course,"
Scrubs
"Turk. Turk, where are you going?"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] As I reached the biking stage and finally realized what chafing was,"
Scrubs
"How's it goin'?"
Scrubs
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