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Clips from Silicon Valley - The Patent Troll (S04E04)

"and whatever the fuck Jared is here..."
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"may have blunted my conventional masculinity"
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"a hair, but it's always been there."
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"Uh-huh. Well, try and get a selfie with Steph Curry."
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"I will, assuming she's there."
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"Hey, Jared, um, look at this e-mail here."
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"Uh, "Dear Richard, I recently became aware of your Space Saver app."
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"Sincerely, Stewart Burke.""
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"He's probably just working out of his garage, just like us."
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"you know, coder to coder. I'm sure it'll be fine."
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"Or maybe it just seems big 'cause the rest of him is shrinking."
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"- No. - Are... are you Stewart Burke?"
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"Okay. Is he in? Can I speak with him?"
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"My grandson is the software expert."
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"I couldn't tell a computer from a toaster."
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"I started out in the medical field,"
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"then in the auto industry, and then the music business."
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"Did you represent all these people?"
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"Look, that's me with Stevie Wonder."
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"He never saw it coming."
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"- You get it? - Uh, yes, because he's blind."
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"It's an old mariachi number"
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"that had cost me practically nothing"
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"and put my village idiot grandson through six years of Emerson."
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"Oh. All that from "Cancion De Amores"?"
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"- Was it a popular song? - No. I used the copyright on this song"
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"And when it runs next month"
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"on Mazda's new Super Bowl spot, I print money."
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"But sadly, all the good music copyrights are gone."
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"That is... so sad. And that's why I moved into tech."
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"♪ ♪"
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"from failed startups at auction,"
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"and then threaten litigation against accused infringers,"
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"i.e., you."
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"Well, no. Look, his patent covers..."
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"It's probably not..."
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"For a good litigator, we're talking at least..."
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"Just pay him the 20 grand, Richard."
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"I could get creative and take some money out of the Melcher deal."
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"- There you go. - No, we need that money."
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"- top 500 list, right? - Yeah."
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"and works his way up."
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"The higher you are on the list, the more money he asks for."
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"It's like... it's like limp biscuit."
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"The thing the band is named after."
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"Limp biscuit's an old frat ritual,"
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"where all the brothers race to stroke one out onto a biscuit,"
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"It's embarrassing to pull your pud"
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"in front of the whole pledge class."
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"Just pay the guy."
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"Or..."
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"to not play the game at all in the first place."
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"If only."
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"- You like this? - Look, it has a screen"
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"so you can see all the food that's inside."
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"Mm-hmm. Kind of like that one?"
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"This one has an app,"
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"All it needs to do"
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"is keep my fucking beer cold."
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"Hmm. You're running low on beer."
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"Fuck you."
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"Whoops! Did you forget to scan that bar code?"
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"Does it need fake vocal ticks like, "ah"?"
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"Humans are shit. This thing is addressing problems that don't exist."
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"It's solutionism at its worst."
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"We are dumbing down machines that are inherently superior."
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"You named it Anton."
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"Yeah, but Anton doesn't call me anything."
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"Uh-oh! That yogurt is expired."
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"Now I can give it to Erlich."
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"Hmm. I'm not quite sure what you're doing."
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"Is there something I can help you with?"
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"Aw, is somebody having a rough day?"
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"Did that fucker password-protect the settings?"
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"but it seems that I've committed"
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"the cardinal sin of being early."
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"Wait. When he said, "a spot on the floor,""
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"did he mean... on the floor?"
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"I wasn't a part of the conversation."
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"All right, you guys go shirts."
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"We'll go skins."
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"Will not."
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"Which one of you pussies, uh, put sugar in my gas tank"
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"- What? - Yeah, my car won't start."
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"so I guess I'll have to miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to..."
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"We play every Tuesday."
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"Hey, let me get in. Let me get in. Let me get in."
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"Hey, I squished those front-end bugs."
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"Hmm. I'm sorry. Wrong password."
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"Well, good luck, it's a 10-digit alphanumeric."
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"Ten digit? Fuck."
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"so you know, you should have the answer in..."
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"9,000 years."
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"Well, maybe you should pull out the bug gun..."
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"As in the bug you're supposed to be fixing."
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"If you were programmed to have a good sense of humor, you'd laugh at that."
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"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see any Good Humor ice cream bars."
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"- Shall I add them to your shopping list? - You know what? Yeah."
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"Good Humor ice cream bars"
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"God. You believe this? I'm... I'm still on hold."
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"Yeah, I... I'm trying to negotiate a lower cloud storage rate"
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"That's why small businesses have to lie."
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"so that people would think they were already huge."
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"When I worked at my first startup,"
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"and then I'd just get back on the phone myself."
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"Um, in fact, could I transfer you to my supervisor?"
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"Oh."
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"Oh, no, no, no, I have to take a shit."
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"Um, one moment please."
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"♪ ♪"
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"♪ ♪"
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"Hello, everybody. Thanks again for making it."
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"- No problem. - My name is, uh, Richard Hendricks,"
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"uh, of Pied Piper."
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"You're the guys working for Gavin Belson."
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"But I'll have you all know that without any involvement from Gavin Belson,"
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"that you are all directly above us on the list,"
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"which is why you should know that a patent troll"
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"named Stewart Burke has recently demanded"
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"that I pay a $20,000 licensing fee,"
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