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Clips from The Simpsons - The Old Man and the Lisa (S08E08)

"When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to the maternity hospital..."
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"or sitting in some phony-baloney church."
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"Uh, which do you think is more important? Hard work or stick-to-itiveness?"
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"- Are there any real questions? - Yes."
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"Um, does your plant have a recycling program?"
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"Hmm. You never heard of recycling?"
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"It means to reuse things to conserve our natural resources."
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"when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys."
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"Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing."
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"Well, I say hard cheese."
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"- But nature's not our enemy. - Well, surely you agree we can do without her."
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"I'll handle it, Smithers. [Chuckles] Shut up, little girl."
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"If I had spent my life listening to dismal Doras like you..."
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"I wouldn't be worth $200 million today."
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"But according to your most recent biography you only have $100 million today."
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"I, uh- l- [Stutters]"
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"I've called you all here because I need some honest answers."
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"- What is my current financial situation? - [Both] Great."
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"- I hear "great." - All right. Let's have a look at my stock portfolio."
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"Hmm. Confederated Slave Holdings. How's that doing?"
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"It's, uh, uh, steady."
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"- [All] Mm-hmm. - Well, let's get out the old stock ticker and have a look."
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"[Grunts] Here's where I stopped checking it last time."
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"September, 1929."
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"Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no."
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"Smithers, why didn't you tell me about this market crash?"
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"Oh, that's your excuse for everything."
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"Transatlantic Zeppelin, Amalgamated Spats..."
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"and sink the rest into that up-and-coming Baltimore opera hat company."
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"That should set things right again, eh, boys?"
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"A half ton of newspaper, and all we get is 75 cents?"
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"That won't even cover the gas I used to go to the store to buy the twine to tie up the bundles."
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"It sounds like you're working for your car."
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"- Simplify, man. - Oh- [Scoffs]"
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"- [All] Mm-hmm. - But... I made all the right moves, didn't I?"
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"I was making the wrong moves, and you were too gutless to tell me. Isn't that right?"
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"Then I'll fix this myself. Smithers, take out another mortgage on the plant."
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"Well, the bank has already foreclosed on the plant."
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"- A-And your house, sir. - But... what will I do?"
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"And I'm sure a pro wrestler such as yourself will appreciate all the closet space, Hitman."
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"[Sniffs] Ew. This place has got old man stink."
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"And you wouldn't even be the only wrestler in the neighborhood."
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"- The Shrieking Sheik lives just three doors away. - [Man Shrieking]"
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"To remind me of better times."
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"Why would I want a picture of a pitiful pencil-neck geek?"
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"[Sighs] Why indeed."
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"[Burns] Mmm. Excellent."
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"Homer! You didn't tell me Mr. Burns went broke and lost the nuclear power plant!"
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"and I shall tell you a tale."
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"I normally don't laugh at other people's misfortunes..."
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"but on behalf of the recycling community, ha!"
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"They're not going to close the plant, are they?"
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"No. The bank put Lenny in charge."
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"[Clock Ticking]"
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"Uh, attention, everybody."
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"Uh- [Sighs]"
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"Oh-Work harder. Bye."
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"- [Knuckles Crack] - [Sighs]"
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"Well, sir, I have to get to work."
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"Lenny's a real bear on tardiness."
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"Grocery store, please."
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"Oh, my, no. I'm Monty Burns."
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"Hmm. Cer-"
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"Oh, my. I wonder which is the cereal for me."
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"Um- Oh, excuse me. Could you tell me where I might find the Burns O's?"
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"Sorry, pops. They don't put nobodies on cereal boxes."
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"Oh. Thank you, shoppie. l-"
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""Ketchup." "Catsup.""
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""Catsup." K- K-"
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"Oh, I'm in way over my head."
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"- Burns is sure acting nutty. - Maybe going broke and losing his plant destroyed his brain."
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"Could you come along with us, sir?"
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"Are you here to solve my ketchup problem?"
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"Yes. That's right."
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"so we're stuffing you into an old folks' home."
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"- Those, uh, store guys signed the commitment papers. - But I'm shopping."
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"[Homer Glugging]"
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"[Sighs] Here you go, honey."
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"Oh, but Daddy doesn't feel so good."
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"They practically live in their own filth."
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"- Thanks, Dad. - You're welcome, honey."
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"That's the activity room. We're not allowed in there."
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"That's the library. Not allowed in there either."
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"And don't even think about going in the game room."
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"- [Chuckles Nervously] That's the spirit. - ## [Resumes]"
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"If I hadn't surrounded myself with those spineless yes-men."
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"[Lisa] What do you mean you don't have anything to recycle?"
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"You must have some magazines or newspapers."
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"That voice. That shrill, disagreeable voice."
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"It's her!"
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"Sorry. We're not allowed to read newspapers."
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"My name is Lisa, Mr. Burns."
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"What I want to know is will you help me get my money back?"
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"Ha. I'd never help you. You're the worst man in the world."
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"Yes. That's the kind of moxie I'm looking for."
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"I've got an empire to rebuild. And the person who's going to help me is... that girl."
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"- Please. - No."
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"Sir, we've never met before, but my name is Mr. Burns..."
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"and I want your daughter to help make me rich again."
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"You mean Maggie?"
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"Ah. The baby who shot me. No. I was referring to your other daughter."
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"So, uh..."
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"- how's life in the gutter? - You again?"
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"I need someone with your integrity to help me."
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"[Murmurs]"
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"Well, if I did agree to help you..."
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"you could only earn money by doing good, socially responsible things."
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"That's exactly the kind of radical thinking I need. It's a deal."
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"[Whining] I'll do it this afternoon."
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"You mean there are actually people..."
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"a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel-"
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"with enough change left over to ride the trolley..."
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"from Battery Park to the Polo Grounds."
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"There's a can."
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"Ha-ha!"
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"Thanks to you, Lisa- and our hemp-smoking friend."
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"Shine on, you crazy diamond."
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"Oh, I'm not doing this for the money."
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"[Kent Brockman] And from our "it's funny when it happens to them" file..."
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"the man who blocked out our sun, ran over a local boy and stole Christmas from 1981 to 1985?"
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