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Clips from The Goldbergs (2013) - Dinner With The Goldbergs (S05E05)

"no fancy sides,"
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"no out-of-season vegetables,"
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"no market price,"
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"no salad bar,"
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"no items in French,"
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"no dry-aged anything, and, most importantly..."
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"No appetizers of any kind, 'cause that's how they screw ya."
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"Does that include a nice soup?"
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"Are you for real? Is he for real?"
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"You're gonna eat a little meal before you eat a big meal?"
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"- How many meals do you need? - Dad, stop it."
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"If Geoff wants a cup of soup, let him get a cup of soup."
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"I don't need the soup. I'm sorry I even brought it up."
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"You know what? I don't trust anyone. Hand me your spoons."
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"Murray, it's a special night."
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"Let the kids order whatever they want."
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"Yes! I'm gonna get the porterhouse!"
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"Everyone but you."
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"Excuse me, waiter? Yoo-hoo!"
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"Can we have a children's menu for my baby?"
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"Oh, again, I'm not your waiter, but, uh, I'll let him know."
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"Mom, that menu is specifically for kids 8 and under."
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"I'm in high school now. No one's gonna buy this act anymore."
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"Hey, moron, I'm not paying for you to get a steak"
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"- and eat three bites. - Daddy's right."
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"You may be a big boy, but you've still got a little-boy belly."
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"Here you go, buckaroo. And here's a cup with a lid."
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"Thanks. I know it's an octopus,"
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"but I'm gonna connect the dots anyway."
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"- I'm sorry. - Stop apologizing."
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"- We're fine. - Fine?"
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"[Scoffs] We haven't even begun, Geoff."
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"- We haven't? - Not at all."
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"Because after we sit, we order."
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"_"
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"- Waiter, we're ready to order. - Gotcha."
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"I mean... I'm not your waiter, but, uh, I'll just take it."
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"- Great. My husband here will have... -Bap, bap, bap!"
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"What's with you always ordering for me?"
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"- I know what you like. - And I don't?"
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"I'll order my own damn meal, thank you."
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"I'll have the, uh..."
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"Whenever it came time to order, my dad had this crazy glitch"
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"where he would immediately forget what he liked or wanted."
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"Ah, come back to me."
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"My grandfather also had his own way of ordering..."
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"Excuse me."
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"befriending anyone within a 10-table radius."
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"What's that golden hunk of meat you're enjoying there?"
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"- It's a pork chop. - Is it good?"
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"- Very. - I'm not in the mood for trafe."
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"What about your handsome friend?"
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"What are you working with? Is that some kind of pilaf?"
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"- It's wild rice. - You go, Adam."
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"I got a feeling these people have a story to tell."
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"I'll have the Li'l Wrangler dog and applesauce."
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"Sorry, children's menu is 8 and under."
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"- He is 8 and under. - Yes, I'm this much."
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"All right, Wrangler dog it is."
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"- And what can I get you? - And then there was Barry."
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"Without fail, he'd always order the wrong thing."
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"You know what?"
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"I think I'm gonna have a nice piece of fish."
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"No, stop right there."
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"This is Beefsteak Charlie's. Steak is in the name."
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"That means no fish."
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"- How is your steamed trout? - It's not great."
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"Heard ya loud and clear. Trout me."
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"Dude, no. Don't do this."
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"Well, since you've all been such jerks,"
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"I won't be sharing my delicious trout with any of you."
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"And with Barry's stubborn defiance"
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"came my chance to stage my own revolt."
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"Done! I was right."
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"It's an octopus with a lasso, but my childhood ends here."
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"Garcon, bring me the biggest steak you've got."
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"No, Adam, no!"
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"Your tummy can't handle that big-boy food."
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"It'll destroy your insides and tushie."
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"I'm taking a stand. I'm a grown-ass man."
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"And I demand my big, honkin' meats."
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"Fine, but if you don't finish it, so help me God!"
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"- Ready now, sir? - I'll have the "come back to me.""
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"And what can..."
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"Uh, sir? Uh, how about you?"
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"Hold on. I'm talking to Donald and Vicki over here"
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"about their potato."
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"Okay, you know what? I will just go."
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"I will have the rib eye and a side of cornbread."
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"Geoff, order."
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"[Quietly] Um..."
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"Just, um...some soup."
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"- I'm sorry. What's that? - Soup."
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"- I can't make out what you're saying. - Soup?"
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"A-Are you saying "snook"?"
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"Soup. He'll have the soup, French onion,"
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"a bowl, not a cup. Deal with it."
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"Are you trying to ruin the entire night?"
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"And, uh, what else can I get for you?"
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"No, that's it. Just... the soup."
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"Decided yet?"
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"I finally got it."
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"Ah, damn it! Come back to me!"
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"Okay, ma'am?"
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"Okay, write this down very carefully."
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"I would like the sirloin, medium-plus,"
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"with garlic butter sauce on the side."
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"I would like the vegetable medley,"
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"but instead of asparagus,"
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"I would like six pieces of shrimp."
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"We don't substitute shrimp for vegetables."
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"Oh..."
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"That changes everything."
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"[Sighs] My God, here we go."
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"What's wrong now? It takes my mom 10 minutes to order."
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"To her, the menu is just a vague suggestion."
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"I would like the hanger steak, Pittsburgh style,"
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"but instead of Barnaise sauce, I would like crab cakes."
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"We also don't swap out sauces for actual food."
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"Okay, got a whole lot of rules that don't make any sense."
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