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Clips from The Simpsons - Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner? (S11E11)

"- Oh, right. - [ Horn Honks ]"
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"[ Beep ] ambulance!"
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"Think you're so big with your [ Beep Beep ] siren..."
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"and your letters on backwards!"
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"Well, that's great, Dad. Except you were supposed to drive us to the newspaper."
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"[ Bellows ]"
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"The newspaper was founded by Johnny Newspaperseed..."
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"a 14-year-old boy who roamed America founding newspapers."
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"with the Springfield Times, Post, Globe, Herald,Jewish News and Hot Sex Weekly..."
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"to become Springfield's number-one newspaper."
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"funneling scoops from all over the globe."
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"Hi! Are you interested in a subscription to the Shopper?"
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"Low introductory rates!"
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"No, you gotta help ol' Gil. What's it gonna take to keep you on the phone?"
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"[ Chuckling ] All right. I'm dancin'!"
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"?? [ Humming ]"
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"And this is our comic strip department."
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"Who here reads Mary Worth?"
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"Let's move on."
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"This is where we store Ann Landers and Dear Abby for their 23 hours of daily sleep."
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"Check it out, Dad. You can print out the headline from the day you were born."
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"I'd sure hate to be him. [ Laughs, Groans ]"
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"Your old man has an awesome nose."
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"So, Mimi, this little shindig is our way of saying farewell..."
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"to our favorite food critic."
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"and ice cream cake which reminds us..."
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"why make 31 flavors when you can't get vanilla right?"
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"I wouldn't want to be married to her. I mean, again."
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"[ Gulping, Grunting ]"
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"Who are you, and why are you ruining my retirement party?"
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"I'll have you know I wandered off from the tour."
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"I like pizza, I like bagels"
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"I could even eat a baby deer"
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"- ? Who's that baby deer on the lawn there ?? - Enough already!"
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"We're looking for a new food critic..."
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"No, it usually takes a few hours."
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"Uh- Look..."
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"I'd like to give you a tryout."
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"If it passes muster, we'll put you on staff."
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"Thanks for the chance. You won't never regret this, Mr. Editing Guy."
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"We don't need no stinkin' ''E.''"
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"''Eatery Evaluation?'' No."
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"Earl- No! Bill Simpson!"
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"Well? What do you think?"
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"What's wrong with it?"
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"Well, you keep using words like ''pasghetti'' and ''momatoes.''"
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"You make numerous threatening references to the U.N."
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"over and over again."
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"No, no! You're right! It's a joke! [ Chuckles ]"
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"Everyone laugh at the funny joke! Ha-ha!"
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"Still not clean. Stink of failure still on me."
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"[ Knocking ]"
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"[ Lisa ] Dad, I'm sorry the editor didn't like your review."
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"I'll help you write a new review if you'll just let me use the bathroom!"
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"Okay, what restaurant did we review?"
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"Great. Now, let me think. The food was-"
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"- The food is delicious. - [ Gasps ] That's brilliant."
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"Then I had the sweet, sweet chocolate mousse."
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"Really, the only word for it is-"
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"[ Groaning ]"
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"Hmm. What's the English equivalent for [ Groaning ]?"
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"I'd say ''transcendent.''"
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"How about ''groin-grabbingly transcendent''?"
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"- Uh, I don't think so. - We make a good team."
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"A groin-grabbingly good team."
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"- Hmph. - How about ''Screw Flanders''?"
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"Not bad! Not bad at all!"
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"We're gonna run this on page one..."
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"of section H-2."
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"Whoo-hoo! Stop the presses!"
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"- [ Gasps ] - [ Alarms Blaring ]"
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"Okay, start the presses!"
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"That takes four hours."
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"This is so exciting, Homie. Your first restaurant review."
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"It's important that no one knows that I'm a food critic."
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"Homer's a critic. Pass it on."
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"- Did you hear? Homer's a critic. - Quit changing the subject!"
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"Arr! Here you are."
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"that's just freshness."
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"Can you believe it, Marge? This job is the greatest. They're paying me to eat!"
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"If you could just get somebody to pay you for scratching your butt, we'll be on easy street."
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"- Why, you little- - [ Groaning ]"
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"Welcome to Planet Springfield..."
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"Each Planet Springfield is filled with priceless Hollywood gewgaws."
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"[ Gasps ] There's the coffee mug from HeartbeepsI"
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"And there's the cane from Citizen Kane!"
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"And there's that awful script from The Cable Guy."
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"Lemme see. Stupid script!"
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"Nearly wrecked Jim Carrey's career!"
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"And the view is... beautiful..."
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"inspirational..."
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"Yes, Simpson, your love of food is contagious."
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"- Hey, Homer, come here. - [ Gasps ]"
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"Are you gonna fire me for swiping office supplies?"
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"- No. - Whew!"
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"Some of your fellow critics wanted to meet you."
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"This is Garth Tralawney, TV critic."
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"Why, you- You made them cancel Platypus ManI"
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"- Homer, please! - Sorry."
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"Let me tell you something- the days of clubbing them with a baseball bat are overI"
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"For you, perhaps."
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"Everything's a rave. ''Nine thumbs up''? What the hell is that?"
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"It lost some points 'cause it had a Hot Wheel on it."
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"''Surprise, surprise- they're green!"
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"[ Laughing ] Oh, that's classic!"
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"Lord, thy daughters..."
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"Goneril, Regan and Cordelia."
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"What is this, merry old England or Petticoat Junction?"
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"[ Groaning ]"
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"- Lighten up. It's a comedy. - [ Whispers ] No, it's not."
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"You should always give in to peer pressure."
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"Huh? Huh?"
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"Whoa! This material stinks! I'm gonna have to punch it up on the fly."
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"- [ Chuckles, Groans ] Here's another one. - [ Audience Booing ]"
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"''Knock knock.'' ''Who's there?'' ''Juliet.'' ''Juliet who?''"
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"Juliet so much pasta fazool, Romeo doesn't want her anymore!"
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"- [ Laughing ] - [ Booing Continues ]"
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"Whoa, tough crowd. They're booing Shakespeare!"
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"Uh, not bad..."
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"if lasagna is Italian for ''pile of puke''!"
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