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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - The Escape (S03E03)

"- NADJA: Hello. - GUIDE: We have a desperate emergency."
What We Do in the Shadows
"- NANDOR: All die. - LASZLO: No, it's a fucking urban myth."
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"- LASZLO: Of course. - NADJA: [humming]"
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"- LASZLO: Yeah. - NADJA: Goodbye, Baron."
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"ARCHER: You're probably wondering what we're doing."
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"Short answer, saving the earth."
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"Again."
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"I'm not leaving without you."
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"I need something soft to land on."
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"[BOTH SCREAMING]"
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"LASZLO: Previously on this filmed documentary program,"
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"or whatever the fuck this is supposed to be."
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"Behind this door is the living quarters of The Sire."
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"The actual Sire?"
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"Do not ever open this door."
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"- Peekaboo. -[growling]"
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"-[coughs] - GUIDE: As I was saying,"
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"- do not ever... - Open the door."
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"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it."
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"As leader of..."
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"Coleader."
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"...of the Vampiric Council, it is one of my..."
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"Our."
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"...our duties to be looking after The Sire."
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"NANDOR: The Sire is the original vampire"
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"from which all other vampires are descended."
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"Over the centuries,"
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"it has devolved into a horrific and fearsome creature."
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"NADJA: He is one very angry, very crispy piece of crust."
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"But its continued health is of extreme importance"
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"for the fate of all vampire-kind."
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"[chuckles]: So, uh, why are we talking to you about The Sire?"
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"- Um... -[inhales sharply]"
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"It is a fucking mess down here."
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"No one is respecting my organizational system."
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"What are you pissing on about?"
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"Look at this."
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"What is the point of having a glowing orb section"
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"if you're gonna put the glowing orb in the monkey paw section?"
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"I've just got to find this stupid magic flute for Laszlo."
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"He wants to use it to seduce some mail woman,"
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"and to be honest, I'm here for it. [chuckles]"
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"Oh, shit."
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"- What is it? - Shit, shit, shit,"
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"-[gasps] The Sire! - shit!"
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"-[Nadja gasps] - He is... Oh..."
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"- Open-open the door, Nandor. - Yes."
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"Got it."
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"- Oh, for fuck's sake. - Oh, damn."
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"- Oh. -[groans]"
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"NADJA: Oh, The Sire."
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"NANDOR: Sire."
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"NADJA: Oh, no."
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"It seems that The Sire was so hungry"
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"that it took the sharpened bones of its victims"
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"and tunneled a hole in the wall."
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"I can't believe it."
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"NANDOR: Little rascal."
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"I can't believe you"
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"managed to mess this up so badly, Nandor."
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"It was your job to feed The Sire."
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"- Me? - Yes, you."
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"What?"
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"NADJA: So, yeah,"
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"turns out I never actually"
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"told Nandor to feed The Sire."
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"[groans, laughs softly]"
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"How is this my fault?"
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"Because I said to you that"
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"you're the one to be responsible for feeding The Sire."
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"What have I done? [crying]"
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"NADJA: I was meaning to."
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"I even wrote it on a sticky note."
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""Ask Nandor Feed Sire.""
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"But I never actually got around to giving him the message."
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"[Nandor wailing]"
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"So, you know, I think it's very difficult to say"
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"who's at fault, really."
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"[Nandor sobbing]"
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"["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing]"
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"♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪"
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"♪ They have no use for your song♪"
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"♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪"
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"♪ You're dead and out of this world♪"
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"♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone♪"
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"♪ You sold out your dream to the world♪"
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"♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead♪"
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"♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪"
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"♪"
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"NADJA: Why are you just fucking sitting there?!"
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"- We're all gonna fucking die! - NANDOR: All die."
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"Oh, my love. Please don't tell me"
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"you believe in this bullshit? - Of course I do."
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"If the vampire that turns you dies, then you die."
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"So, if the original vampire dies, you all die?"
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"Like ghosts or large penises."
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"You don't want to help? Fine."
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"I will fix this."
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"Since this is all my big dumb stupid fault."
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"- GUILLERMO: No, Master. - LASZLO: Yes. -[dog barking]"
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"-[hissing] - Control that hellhound! - NADJA: Nandor, wait!"
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"- Nandor... - People will believe anything these days. [laughs]"
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"Absolutely anything."
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"I tell you, if what they're saying is true,"
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"both my wife and I would be dead by now."
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"- Yeah. - The Baron obviously turned my wife into a vampire"
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"and she turned me into a vampire."
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"You two should be dead because The Baron is definitely dead."
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"- Absolutely. -[chuckles]"
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"The Baron is definitely dead."
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"Yeah, burnt to a crisp and buried in the backyard."
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"In the back garden, as we speak."
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"- Fuck. Get a shovel. - Yeah."
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"LASZLO: Gizmo!"
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"I am not accustomed"
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"to taking responsibility for my missteps."
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"When I was a military general,"
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"if there was a problem in one of my various wars,"
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"I would simply blame another nation"
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"and then we would go to war with them."
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