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Clips from Archer - Danger Island: Comparative Wickedness of Civilized and Unenlightened Peoples (S09E09)

"Und also shut up. [chewing]"
Archer
"It's just something we're doing. Mmm, I forget why."
Archer
"_"
Archer
"- Now, any questions? - Uh..."
Archer
"Pass them out. [cheering]"
Archer
"FUCHS: Well, then what are you waiting for?"
Archer
"_"
Archer
"Well, did you bring enough for everyone?"
Archer
"_"
Archer
"__"
Archer
"_"
Archer
"You there! What are you eating?"
Archer
"Men, women, and..."
Archer
"So we are going to destroy their village and everyone in it."
Archer
"probably eaten one of your Kameraden."
Archer
"These savage cannibals have murdered and by now, let's be honest,"
Archer
"FUCHS: Okay! Listen up!"
Archer
"- What mere mortal dare speak to Kalua? - Mm, okay."
Archer
"and be worshipped as a goddess."
Archer
"if you don't get murdered, maybe you can move here"
Archer
"- Aw. - Well, on the bright side,"
Archer
"Bita kuju!"
Archer
"Uh... [sighs] Uzuka, bita kuju."
Archer
"So, can we all please focus? Noah, tell them to focus."
Archer
"is getting slaughtered by a bunch of Nazi storm troopers."
Archer
"I'll tell you what's embarrassing,"
Archer
"- Wow, that is embarrassing! - Oh, shut up."
Archer
"- MALORY: Oh, for the love... - Kalua... Kalua... Kalua..."
Archer
"- They mean her. - Huh? [others exclaim]"
Archer
"No, no, no, no, they-they don't mean you."
Archer
"whosits, their god, um, what's-his-face."
Archer
"but merely a direct descendant of, um,"
Archer
"Tell them I'm not an actual goddess,"
Archer
"[laughing] Wow, okay, that's embarrassing."
Archer
"It means... goddess."
Archer
"- Kalua. - What is kalua?"
Archer
"And what is happening right now?"
Archer
"MUA MUA: [chanting] Kalua... Kalua... Kalua..."
Archer
"- It's a cognate. - Noah?"
Archer
"Storm troopers?"
Archer
"- Wait, what? - Mon Dieu."
Archer
"teamed up to fight some Nazi storm troopers."
Archer
"Oh, no, they're totally cannibals, but we've temporarily"
Archer
"Charmed, I'm sure. So they're not cannibals?"
Archer
"Chief, my lying and scheming mother."
Archer
"Mother, this is the cannibal chief."
Archer
"- Oh, yeah, no. They're cool. - Well..."
Archer
"We came to rescue you from these bloodthirsty cannibals, which..."
Archer
"Oh, please. What do you think we're doing here?"
Archer
"Are you... Mother, is that true? You were just gonna let us die?"
Archer
"- What? - Nuh-uh. - Damn it, bird."
Archer
"and they were gonna leave you in the quicksand while they looked for it."
Archer
"- Oh, you goddamn blabbermouth bird. - They already knew about it,"
Archer
"And who the hell told you about...?"
Archer
"- What is wrong with you? - What's wrong with you?!"
Archer
"- Goddamn it! - [chuckles] We're searching for the sacred idol!"
Archer
"- What? - Nuh-uh."
Archer
"- Well, we came to rescue... - The sacred idol!"
Archer
"Pam, shut up. What are you doing here?"
Archer
"- I-I mean... - Master Coconut!"
Archer
"- Mother?! - What in the hell are you wearing?"
Archer
"- MALORY: Sterling? - Wha...?!"
Archer
"the most important thing to remember is..."
Archer
"Okay, Noah, tell the chief"
Archer
"[cheering, laughter]"
Archer
"Ona lanara!"
Archer
"But, overall, great job, everybody."
Archer
"practicing actual combat and a little less making the Nazi logs."
Archer
"I think we maybe could've spent a little more time"
Archer
"Okay. All right, all right. So, um, criticisms."
Archer
"[chuckles] I wish to amend my previous statement."
Archer
"[croaking distorting]"
Archer
"Huh. [frog croaks]"
Archer
"Aw, come on! This bullshit is boring as balls."
Archer
"Pozo Pamu."
Archer
"and get some more poison darts from Pam."
Archer
"Um... that's okay. Uh, shake it off"
Archer
"[chuckles] Yeah! There they are!"
Archer
"Wait, where's my Chub Club?"
Archer
"ARCHER: Noah, goddamn it, if you don't..."
Archer
"- Let's call it the widow-maker! - NOAH: Well, that's also not gonna translate."
Archer
"what's that big, crazy, man-killing bastard?"
Archer
"And C: shut up and... Oh, my God,"
Archer
"B: they're not gonna get the reference, and..."
Archer
"[chuckles] I mean, A: it's sarcasm,"
Archer
"- Literally another fine mess. - Mm, that's not gonna translate."
Archer
"[grunting] Wow."
Archer
"ARCHER: Uh-oh, what are Nazi Laurel and Hardy up to?"
Archer
"- Thanks, tribal elders! - Ona Zahara!"
Archer
"ARCHER: Oh, man."
Archer
"[grunting]"
Archer
"- Oh, come on. - What? That's what they call it."
Archer
"Poopoo! Poopoo!"
Archer
"those stakes with feces!"
Archer
"- Ona trampak! - Don't forget to smear"
Archer
"ARCHER: Good-looking tiger trap, ladies!"
Archer
"[grunting]"
Archer
"Ona gudari!"
Archer
"ARCHER: Um, okay! Good job, I guess!"
Archer
"Kusta dugu!"
Archer
"Try Eisenstein, you asshole. All right, let's see what we got!"
Archer
"I honestly wouldn't even know where to start."
Archer
"that would've been a montage."
Archer
"and set that to some bouncy music,"
Archer
"and then sort of cut it down to just the good parts"
Archer
"Yeah, so if we had filmed all that training and preparation"
Archer
"9x07 - Comparative Wickedness of Civilized and Unenlightened Peoples"
Archer
"[title music]"
Archer
"Jesus, you are the [bleep] worst."
Archer
"- And whose fault is that, Noah? - Well, I mean..."
Archer
"They-they don't really have a strong filmic tradition."
Archer
"Yeah, I don't think "montage" would translate."
Archer
"Will you tell him what a montage is?"
Archer
"the shit out of this thing."
Archer
"Yeah. So, obviously, we're gonna have to montage"
Archer
"- Just a couple hours. - Seriously?"
Archer
"Um, uh, so they're eager to fight, and how much time do we have?"
Archer
"Boroka dugu. Zenbat ordo?"
Archer
"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Zuri gotiak boroka."
Archer
"I mean everybody, all of them... to fight."
Archer
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