Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Archer - Danger Island: Comparative Wickedness of Civilized and Unenlightened Peoples (S09E09)

"Schneider, radio the ship. Tell them we need..."
Archer
"FUCHS: Ja, ja. Schiesse diese Scheiße!"
Archer
"[machineguns firing]"
Archer
"_"
Archer
"[all scream]"
Archer
"[all crying out]"
Archer
"And, look, the natives are rallying."
Archer
"- Here. I think it's broken. - I..."
Archer
"- [chuckling] Okay. - [chuckling] Yeah, right."
Archer
"What?! I was gonna do that."
Archer
"She took out the whole mortar team."
Archer
"_"
Archer
"Nazi sons of bitches."
Archer
"[screaming, groaning]"
Archer
"[machinegun firing]"
Archer
"- Give me that. - Wha...? What are you...?"
Archer
"Son of a... that was my only gourd!"
Archer
"[inhales] You know... [screams nearby]"
Archer
"Hmm. Is it good?"
Archer
"It's a bit like a phlegm sangria. [man groans nearby]"
Archer
"and then spit into these gourds to ferment. [spits]"
Archer
"these people chew into a paste"
Archer
"kind of beer made from some jungle fruit"
Archer
"- Wait, what are you drinking? - Apparently, it's some"
Archer
"Oh, my God. First of all, we..."
Archer
"Yeah, what did happen to thirdsies? Wait, since when was it thirdsies?"
Archer
"What half? What happened to thirdsies?"
Archer
"half of his half, that's his business, but..."
Archer
"- Oh, my God. - Well, if he wants to give you"
Archer
"- I... - He has partners, you know."
Archer
"- Are you...? - For us. Me and you, 50-50."
Archer
"and see if I can't find that pesky idol."
Archer
"so I thought I'd just toodle off"
Archer
"you seem to have this whole thing pretty well in hand,"
Archer
"Well, exactly, and speaking of percentages,"
Archer
"The air's, like, 50% metal."
Archer
"- MALORY: Sterling! - What are you doing, running around?"
Archer
"- That's it? - KRIEGER AND PAM: I mean..."
Archer
"- Mm-kay. - Good luck."
Archer
"[shouts] That's it, I'm going for it."
Archer
"on Swedish bikini models."
Archer
"You're just going to have to start slathering tanning oil"
Archer
"at Uncle Mort's modeling agency. And guess what."
Archer
"and you're gonna take that job at... [grunts]"
Archer
"and you're gonna tell Dad he was right,"
Archer
"Okay, Noah. You're gonna go back to the States,"
Archer
"No. Fire!"
Archer
"_"
Archer
"[inhales, groans] What did you say?"
Archer
"[Pam and Krieger chuckling] What?"
Archer
"- Yeah, but how? - I'm gonna charge it."
Archer
"- Nazi punks, fuck off! - We got to take out that mortar!"
Archer
"Jésus, tu es Le pire putain. [screaming]"
Archer
"Merde! Doudou, devrions-nous courir?"
Archer
"[shell whistling]"
Archer
"So I hope someone brought potatoes. [whoops] Fire!"
Archer
"[inhales, laughs]"
Archer
"You can hear their women scream from here!"
Archer
"[laughs] My God, listen to that."
Archer
"[screaming] [screams]"
Archer
"FUCHS: Fire! [shell whistling]"
Archer
"- What the hell was that?! - Mortar!"
Archer
"[explosion] [screaming]"
Archer
"[chuckles] Oh, please, you were born in the 1800..."
Archer
"- Well, you're probably not, but... - I bet I'm totally delicious."
Archer
"- Why is that okay? - 'Cause birds are delicious."
Archer
"Hey, you know, people eat birds all the time."
Archer
"- PAM: I mean, they were gonna eat us, so... - ARCHER: That's a fair point."
Archer
"What if, what if I get them all killed?"
Archer
"and what if I fail them?"
Archer
"I just... all these people put their trust in me,"
Archer
"What's up your dickhole?"
Archer
"- It's poison. - [scoffs] So's booze."
Archer
"really helping me focus."
Archer
"Whatever's in these crazy bastards is, like..."
Archer
"I don't know, a minute ago."
Archer
"- Made it. - What, when?"
Archer
"And where the hell'd you get that?"
Archer
"- Wh...? I came back. I'm here. - Yeah, nice decision tree, bird."
Archer
"Yeah, right, like you'd come back."
Archer
"I should be in the air, like a reconnaissance plane."
Archer
"- [chuckles] Well, not totally, but... - No, and stop that."
Archer
"- I'm totally wasted here. - Me, too."
Archer
"because I don't have binocular vision."
Archer
"- PAM: Any sign of 'em? - CRACKERS: No,"
Archer
"- What? - Back in a jiff. Toodles."
Archer
"Fetch me some bivalves. Budge up, biggun."
Archer
"- you were hungry for oysters? - [gasps] Yes. Mortal."
Archer
"Your Almightiness, did I hear you say"
Archer
"- Ugh. - Yeah, that's not already old."
Archer
"Who calls upon the almighty Kalua?!"
Archer
"Hey, can you please tell him to move?"
Archer
"Are you...? You are serious."
Archer
"Yeah, well, we'll see about that. Out of the way, Blimpkins."
Archer
"That idol's all mine, Missy."
Archer
"- to New York by now. - [coughs] Oh, no."
Archer
"I could've found that stupid idol and been halfway"
Archer
"[inhales] Hmm, now what have we here?"
Archer
"I don't know, I guess all of it? [liquid splashing]"
Archer
"that lacks a basic knowledge of fermentation?"
Archer
"Or discovering the one culture on Earth"
Archer
"What, being held against our will while we get attacked by Nazis?"
Archer
"CHERYL: Isn't this exciting?"
Archer
"ARCHER: [whispering] That's really good advice."
Archer
"- So... try not to get shot. - That's it? That's your advice?"
Archer
"that modern firearms can do to the human body."
Archer
"they can possibly imagine the unspeakable things"
Archer
"- That's not... - ARCHER: Plus, there is no way"
Archer
"Well, but remember, they're not wearing pants."
Archer
"Nobody else pissed in their pants."
Archer
"- I pissed in my pants, man. - Still well within normal."
Archer
"Trust me, however scared you think you are, it's..."
Archer
"Uh, no, I think I'm scareder than that."
Archer
"Oh. Well, yeah... I mean, that's normal."
Archer
"What, are you kidding? I'm scared."
Archer
"And to... wait, what is wrong with you?"
Archer
"- when they start to get overrun? - Mm-hmm."
Archer
"- Mm-hmm. - And to fall back"
Archer
"to hold their fire until the Krauts are in close, right?"
Archer
"ARCHER: Psst. Noah. You've told them"
Archer
Show more clips