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Clips from Archer - Deadly Prep (S07E07)

"I don't know, he's crazy!"
Archer
"And then maybe, in his paranoid mind,"
Archer
"he thinks that for the past five years maybe"
Archer
"We maybe just had our anniversary."
Archer
"Hey, congratulations... Oh, thanks, man."
Archer
"On still being a massive dickhole."
Archer
"No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait!"
Archer
"Look, whatever he's paying you,"
Archer
"I will double it!"
Archer
"dammit-- and fifty thousand dollars, so--"
Archer
"Ten thousand, my butt! I knew it!"
Archer
"You lied to me!"
Archer
"Yeah, but you didn't know that."
Archer
"How's it going? Trent Whitney, murder victim."
Archer
"Would-be murder victim!"
Archer
"My partner paid him to kill me."
Archer
"He what? You what? Under false pretenses, Cyril!"
Archer
"Why were you killing anybody?"
Archer
"both of them bullied the absolute shit out of me."
Archer
"What? Seriously, dude?"
Archer
"You were going to murder me 'cause I picked on you a little bit?"
Archer
"Jesus Christ. And if I'm being honest, yeah,"
Archer
"I'm sure the bullying had some influence on my decision,"
Archer
"but I was actually murdering you-- well, Ivy-- for money."
Archer
"And that makes it better?"
Archer
"Money and cancer, then! Jesus!"
Archer
"But don't tell me you never fantasized about killing your bullies, Cyril."
Archer
"Cyril?"
Archer
"What're we doing? Um, I think Whitney"
Archer
"And yes, yes, dude, I will pay you,"
Archer
"It's in Tom's house, and-and Bill's house."
Archer
"Okay, okay, wait, wait!"
Archer
"Anyway, you're both so obviously and profoundly unhappy"
Archer
"in some bizarre murder-suicide,"
Archer
"Yeah. That and $300,000."
Archer
"Huh. Jeezy Petes!"
Archer
"But as much as I'd like to take credit for that..."
Archer
"But either way, when I had cancer,"
Archer
"Yeah, he almost made the Olympics."
Archer
"Gimme, Cyril. Dammit! Get off. Stop it! Archer!"
Archer
"This is Lana Kane. Leave a message."
Archer
"Jeezy Petes! See?"
Archer
"You got a license for that?"
Archer
"Got a license for that?"
Archer
"Well, not, um, you know, technically, but-- No."
Archer
"All you got is baby pictures, a Sub Club card and..."
Archer
"I've been comparison shopping for the best rate plan."
Archer
"Wow. Okay, so if we live through this,"
Archer
"which I wouldn't bet on, I-- Wait, shut up!"
Archer
"No, that!"
Archer
"There's me. I'm gonna draw his fire."
Archer
"I'm gonna make a run for the car. Meanwhile, you clear out the safe!"
Archer
"Okay, but-- Wait, what's to keep you from just leaving me here?"
Archer
"Wha-- The money, you idiot!"
Archer
"Oh right, that makes-- What? One, two, three, go!"
Archer
"Cyril, let's go!"
Archer
"Ah. Ooh."
Archer
"Oh, good. You made it."
Archer
"all this stuff from-- from--"
Archer
"Holy shit! Jeezy Petes!"
Archer
"Files, disks, all kinds of stuff!"
Archer
"And you just left it? You left me!"
Archer
"No, I merely tried to!"
Archer
"Wow, think of how good you'd have to be"
Archer
"Because I find it interesting that you were bullied in school,"
Archer
"I do, Cyril. I really do,"
Archer
"Because Cyril Figgis, man without sense,"
Archer
"And whether it's your personal relationships, or-- Archer?"
Archer
"Take the wheel, dummy! And you!"
Archer
"do the good old "three Mississippi.""
Archer
"But I hope it was great for you, Ivy,"
Archer
"Go ahead, Swirling! Shoot me!"
Archer
"Yes, what? Shut up."
Archer
"that caused you to leave a bunch of clues in the safe!"
Archer
"but I've really given it some serious thought,"
Archer
"I know all kids can be bullies, but at private school"
Archer
"it seems like there's even more, I dunno, elitism or snobbery or whatever."
Archer
"and I think A.J. really is, then it doesn't matter where they go to school."
Archer
"Plus with the restraining order,"
Archer
"you can't go within 500 feet of the school,"
Archer
"Which, ya know, not doing that."
Archer
"Shapiro's at your bail hearing right now,"
Archer
"No, hair joke. Something about braids?"
Archer
"Malory! Mother!"
Archer
"and hope she's taken in by carnies."
Archer
"Wow. Yeah, Mother, good call,"
Archer
"Sterling! Archer?"
Archer
"Oh, you. I'm actually his mother,"
Archer
"Oh, God, no."
Archer
"This is our daughter, A.J."
Archer
"Our? Um..."
Archer
"Good for you. Good for you."
Archer
"Oh, well... Really?"
Archer
"Unfortunately, I don't think"
Archer
"or an astronaut or some other shit!"
Archer
"You played lacs with him, right?"
Archer
"You were center middies. Yep."
Archer
"And didn't you letter all four years?"
Archer
"Right before winter break."
Archer
"in the field house, and you just laid into me,"
Archer
"and the toilet's full of piss. Whitney had pissed in it."
Archer
"I honestly don't even know. I lost consciousness."
Archer
"which I got because, during that swirlie,"
Archer
"but..."
Archer
"a space at Country Day for his..."
Archer
"That's kind of the whole point."
Archer
"My wife will be at a fundraiser."
Archer
"And a letter of recommendation for Abbiejean..."
Archer
"I'm going to go home, kiss my wife goodbye,"
Archer
"I don't want to know!"
Archer
"Get out. Or will it?"
Archer
"32 caliber, hollow point, copper jacketed"
Archer
"Ten grand my butt."
Archer
"So does minding my business."
Archer
"Plus, I didn't give you cancer."
Archer
"Or even if."
Archer
"What the-- Whitney?"
Archer
"Okay, so I promised Ivy I'd kill you."
Archer
"Well he's paying me a hundred--"
Archer
"I'm sorry, what-what's happening?"
Archer
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