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Clips from Archer - Skytanic (S01E01)

"On the rigid airship Excelsior..."
Archer
"... meets the smoothness of modern air travel."
Archer
"Yes, when you fly Excelsior, you're flying in style!"
Archer
"... duty-free shopping, high-stakes baccarat..."
Archer
"... dancing with your lovely wife..."
Archer
"... you'll be enjoying them in style. And safety!"
Archer
"That's what we're hoping ISIS can find out."
Archer
"Were you watching some other commercial just now?"
Archer
"Oh, and how. Sterling, it's totally safe."
Archer
"Well, except for the bomb threat."
Archer
"- Nope! - And I will oversee the operation..."
Archer
"Nope! I need a stateroom to myself..."
Archer
"- Um... Hmm. Ugh."
Archer
"launch, or whatever blimps do."
Archer
"Yeah, what does a blimp do, Pam?"
Archer
"Now come on, we gotta get off this thing before..."
Archer
"- We don't normally drink on the bridge. - Well, I don't normally fly..."
Archer
"Yes, she literally vomited from anger."
Archer
"He and I were both up for command of the Excelsior, but..."
Archer
"Release the mooring cable!"
Archer
"Because I knew you'd be here, because you don't trust Lana with Mr. Archer."
Archer
"Rug-burny events. - Oh, my God!"
Archer
"- I didn't grow up on a cheese farm. - Oh, for the..."
Archer
"Don't be snotty. And Sterling, if there is a bomb..."
Archer
"- This whole thing's a bomb. Jesus! - It's not..."
Archer
"Although this is a non-smoking area, sir."
Archer
"Not after that, I bet. And forget about Krauss. There's your bomber."
Archer
"he just gets a pass?"
Archer
"Relax. What do we have, like, four hours before we get to London?"
Archer
"- Are you joking? What? - Rigid airships..."
Archer
"Stupid naturally safe helium!"
Archer
"My back's all messed up."
Archer
"Can you just get out of the way!"
Archer
"Archer! Cyril, what are you doing here?"
Archer
"I wanted to tell you something very important..."
Archer
"Okay, you know what? We are on a break!"
Archer
"- Well, that's fine by me. - Cyril, wait."
Archer
"No running! Shut up."
Archer
"Well, that seaweed wrap just slurps out the stress."
Archer
"- What happened to that bartender? - Right? Guy sees an empty glass..."
Archer
"Nigel, some chips for mister?"
Archer
"Archer. Ha. Sterling Archer."
Archer
"Well, perhaps we could play for something much more interesting."
Archer
"I shall expect her within the hour."
Archer
"She's not gonna be happy about that. Um..."
Archer
"Well, whose fault is that?"
Archer
"You have no proof Singh's the bomber."
Archer
"while I go find the bomb. - Ugh. Bombs, bombers, vulvas."
Archer
"Well, don't stand here gaping at me!"
Archer
"Go thwart something!"
Archer
"Oh. Kidding, sorry. Hey, have you seen that nerdy fruit-basket steward?"
Archer
"You really need new names on... Hey, what were you doing in there?"
Archer
"So don't go in there. It's verboten!"
Archer
"Ah. Okay. Probably merits a follow-up."
Archer
"What gave it away, my mother's...? Why are you wearing my mother's robe?"
Archer
"- I can explain. - I don't think I want you to."
Archer
"Yeah, and as you're standing here, dick and or balls caressed by my mother's robe, ugh..."
Archer
"Lana is waiting for you. - Really? Where?"
Archer
"I will forgive you. Because that's what love is, Lana."
Archer
"It's forgivey."
Archer
"but so then this one starts freaking out, and long story short..."
Archer
"like you're at a rodeo, then going back to some billionaire's suite?"
Archer
"must be the bad guy. Well, you know how I got this scar?"
Archer
"- Wow. Now I feel like an asshole. - Your words."
Archer
"Okay, got the turtleneck and my wire cutters. Now where are we?"
Archer
"- You think I'd bring a gun on this firetrap? - Then who did it?"
Archer
"- I did! Captain Lammers!"
Archer
""The price can only go up," they said!"
Archer
"- Well, guess what! - Um, it didn't?"
Archer
"Who the hell wants a two-day blimp ride to London?"
Archer
"- See? It's that kinda selfish shit... - Lana, no! You'll kill us all!"
Archer
"For the last time, you idiot! It's not hydrogen..."
Archer
"I mean, a lot of those skills are universal."
Archer
"- Shut up. Agent Gillette, please. - Oh, great."
Archer
"- Hey, Ray. - Ugh."
Archer
"- Wait! Stop! - What?"
Archer
""Okay, now I'm gonna tell you what they are!""
Archer
"- Stop. - On the radio..."
Archer
"when we answer in the affirmative..."
Archer
"M as in Mike, or N as..."
Archer
"Lana, be careful! Jesus, the helium!"
Archer
"Right after he cuts the solid green wire."
Archer
"- The green color is solid, or? Roger."
Archer
"- The timer sped up! - Did you cut the green one?"
Archer
"- As in butt hole. - What do we do here?"
Archer
"- M as in what? - Mancy! What'd you think I said?"
Archer
"- Nancy! You idiot! Oh, yeah!"
Archer
"I can see how... Then I was like "You of all...""
Archer
"- I can not do this alone! - You're not alone!"
Archer
"And let's do that. Right after we shove..."
Archer
"- Ha. Oh, my God! Lana, we made it! - Oh."
Archer
"I told you. Ha-ha."
Archer
"- What did you want to talk about? - Um..."
Archer
"All aboard, for safety and adventure!"
Archer
"... where the pampered luxury of a cruise ship..."
Archer
"- And safety! Safety?"
Archer
"- But isn't hydrogen flammable? - And how, Timmy!"
Archer
"That's why Excelsior is filled with safe..."
Archer
"... natural helium. Why, it's actually flame-retardant!"
Archer
"- Neat! - And safe!"
Archer
"So, whether you're enjoying Excelsior's majestic vistas..."
Archer
"... or even a cigar after a French gourmet dinner..."
Archer
"- All aboard Excelsior! God."
Archer
"No, why bother? Some broad gets on there with a staticky sweater, and boom, it's:"
Archer
""Oh, the humanity!""
Archer
"It's a rigid airship."
Archer
"ISIS won't let terrorists blow up your lovely blimp."
Archer
"- Rigid airship. - My top two agents will be on board."
Archer
"personally from what I assume will be first-class accommodations."
Archer
"Oh, actually we are fully booked."
Archer
"Well, if you think, oh, I don't know..."
Archer
"this "Trudy Beekman" person can thwart a major terror plot."
Archer
"I suppose we could bump Mrs. Beekman."
Archer
"- We'll pose as husband and wife! - Nope!"
Archer
"We'll do the whole Oprah-Gayle thing."
Archer
"in case I have a gentleman caller. - Um..."
Archer
"do not make me do this. - But Lana..."
Archer
"And also the fact that this is a direct order."
Archer
"Lana."
Archer
"Lana!"
Archer
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