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Clips from The Detour - The Restaurant (S01E01)

"Conquistadors?"
The Detour
"Yay! Yay!"
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"Conquistadors! Conquistadors!"
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"Can't wait to con-quer dinner."
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"I'm gonna pillage the salad bar."
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"I'm gonna rape the sundae station."
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"Oh, aren't you glad you introduced that word"
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"Yeah. Sure. Come on. Let's eat."
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"I don't know what to do."
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"I messed up so bad."
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"It's Vanessa, you dick."
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"- Who's Marco? - He does motocross."
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"He's in your living room fixing his bike."
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"I killed Noonie."
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"Yeah, I was giving her a reiki treatment,"
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"Oh, you're such a shit show."
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"Yeah. Marco was pleasuring me,"
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"I didn't know what to do with her body."
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"So I put her in the freezer."
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"Oh, god. Robin's gonna hate me."
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"Ew! No!"
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"- Okay. - I'll give you a hand job."
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"No! What's the matter with you?"
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"brave, Nobel Christian soldiers"
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"landed on the savage coast of ancient Mexico..."
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"In a city called... "Teno-shit-lan.""
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"in exchange for gold."
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"But sadly, the ungrateful heathens"
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"Wow. It is actually worse than I thought it would be."
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"Hey, um..."
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"she is such a shit show."
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"I know."
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"I can assure you she's in a much better place now."
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"Well, by a better place, you mean the freezer,"
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"then yeah."
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"Revenge! Revenge!"
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"but these small pox-stickers are delicious."
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"And they've got oysters?"
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"Winner, winner, conquer dinner!"
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"Oysters with an "s.""
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"- There's three of us. - Oh, yeah. Of course."
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"- Right. - Sorry about that."
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"Billy, hi, man. Um..."
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"- Listen, I-I... - Nate Parker."
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"Yeah, just give me a second, dude."
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"Just brave bites."
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"Man, so you really got me pumped"
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"I mean, I even bought a book about it,"
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"That's... Terrific, man."
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"Oh, hey. Can you hold on for a sec?"
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"- Did you black out last night? - No."
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"I should've taken the drugs UYB... up your bum."
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"And now it's just gone forever."
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"What happens when we die?"
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"It was..."
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"- It was Noonie. - Noonie. I like that name."
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"- Are there mice up there for her? - Yeah!"
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"Actually, um, sweetie, the reason"
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"all the empirical scientific proof"
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"or... Mostly likely, does not exist."
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"Oh, my god."
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"Jesus loves Noonie."
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"to do to get a normal-sized serving of oysters?"
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"- Well, sir, as a... ow! - Whoa!"
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"Bye-ee."
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"So believe it or not, this story's kinda big."
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"And that is why"
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"I am sending someone to come collect the product."
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"I hear that, dude, and respect, man, respect."
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"But this stuff here is something called "cor-borating" evidence."
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"That's not how you pronounce it."
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"So... Looks like I gotta keep it."
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"Let me know 'cause I'll stop doing it."
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"That's... Very racist."
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"♪ We won ♪"
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"I mean, you said he really wanted it back."
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"Do not put me on hold!"
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"You wanted to come here."
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"♪ Let's enjoy Teno-shit-lan ♪"
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"Nate bone, are you there? Why would you call my boss?"
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"To check my sources."
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"- ♪ LAN... ♪ - Whoo!"
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"Hallelujah! He has spoken. We won!"
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"And, lord Jesus, thank you for this bacon,"
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"which, at times, can be a little salty."
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"Oh, that's nice. Praying for a meal."
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"- How come we never do that? - Well, if you wanna thank somebody,"
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"I make you dinner every night, and I actually exist."
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"I wanna pray for one of your lambs who has gone astray."
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"Stop. Please, don't. Don't pray for me."
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"Oh, no. She knows exactly what she says."
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"- Unlike your long-suffering wife here. - Please, don't listen."
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"- I am not... - Gladys, damn it! Let me finish."
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"Please spare this mouthy femin-atheist"
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"from boiling in the lake of eternal fire. Amen."
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"Praise him. Let's eat."
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"- Come here. Give me your hands. - It's not a game."
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"- The lord took my call first. - She's call number 666."
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"Who dare dunk the conquist-ador?"
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"Puny Aztec, you will never penetrate his armor."
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"- Ha ha ha ha! Again! - Hey, hey, hey, hey."
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"I win this really cool hat."
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"Hey, buddy."
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"- You mean your racist son? - Oh, shit, no."
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"- N-not... - Oh, yeah? Yeah, say it, man."
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"for growing in the shade of the oak tree."
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"There. I just became a minister, too, on my phone."
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"I guess Jesus is gonna take my call now, huh?"
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"It's fine. I won."
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"The racist doesn't fall too far from the racist tree."
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"That's the one time you can use it. It's the expression."
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"You could say, "opening in the armor.""
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"What about "hole"?"
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"A hole. "Hole" is great. "Hole" doesn't involve you..."
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"Oh... Spouting a dictionary-defined racial slur,"
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"which apparently your father hasn't taught you"
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"is what racists do."
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"Yeah, okay, and the first dictionary definition"
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""A narrow opening or crack, as in... in someone's armor.""
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"We don't need people like you. I meant..."
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