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Clips from A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Reptile Room: Part One (S01E01)

"And if you look at the labyrinth from the top, it's..."
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"It looks like the tattoo Count Olaf has on his ankle."
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"It's a mark of villainy."
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"Monty cannot be in cahoots with Count Olaf."
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"He seems too nice."
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"Things aren't always as they seem."
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"Something strange is going on here."
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"Mother and Father told us all sorts of stories"
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"It's afternoon. And you're Count Olaf."
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"Perhaps one of you can take my suitcases up to my room."
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"The ride along that smelly road was dull and unpleasant,"
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"and Stephano is very tired."
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"You're Count Olaf,"
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"and if anyone ever deserved to travel along Lousy Lane, it's you."
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"We will not help you with your luggage and we will not let you in this house."
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"from reading too many books."
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"And I can see little Sunny here still has nine toes instead of ten."
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"What are you talking about?"
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"Really? That's odd."
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"I could have sworn that she lost one of her toes in an accident."
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"I seem to recall a man named Stephano"
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"being so confused by being called Count Olaf"
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"and severed one of her toes."
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"Let's not discuss what I would or would not dare do."
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"Instead, let's discuss your poor, unfortunate parents."
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"their days are done, Baudelaires."
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"That is not a photo of our parents."
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"How do you know that?"
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"I took the picture."
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"And now, all that's left of them is their enormous fortune,"
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"Go!"
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"Furnaces of hell!"
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"Baudelaires!"
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"I've brought you a present."
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"It's very sharp."
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"- What do we do? - Open this door!"
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"We can smash a window and make our way into town"
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"And where would we go?"
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"Anywhere but here."
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"If Count Olaf found us here, he could find us wherever we went."
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"Open this door!"
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"He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't hurt us till he gets his hands on our fortune."
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"We should never have let him in the house."
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"- We can't think about that now. - Open the door!"
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"For years afterwards, the Baudelaires wondered"
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"what they might have done differently the day Count Olaf appeared at their door."
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"they could've saved Monty's life."
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"He'll see right through Stephano's disguise... won't he?"
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"My name is Stephano. I have been sent from very far away."
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"Thank you."
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"You are my new assistant, sent to me even though I didn't ask for one,"
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"by the Scientific Society Seeking to Soothe Stress and Suffering."
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"Yes."
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"- SSSSSS. - Mmm..."
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"SSSSSS."
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"No."
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"Listen to... SSSSSS."
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"Ah, yeah, uh... SSSSSS."
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"- Yes. - Ah..."
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"And your name is Stephano?"
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"What? Yes. Yes. Definitely."
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"Ah! And these are your papers."
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"Yes."
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"Stephano... SSSSSS"
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"- Really? - Yes. Welcome."
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"uh..."
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"Uh..."
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"- Stephano! - Stephano!"
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"Well, there's a spare room upstairs."
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"It's small, but like I said, I have three young children living with me,"
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"- so living quarters are quite tight. - Not for long."
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"I mean, I don't mind."
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"Well, why don't you go upstairs and get yourself settled?"
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"And I will go and find the children, who you say have..."
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"hidden themselves in the Reptile Room"
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"because you chased them up and down the staircase with a knife."
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"Are those suitcases alligator skin?"
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"I really love reptiles."
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"Uh, let me just unlock all these important security measures"
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"Retinal scan one."
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"Retinal scan two."
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"I am so sorry, Baudelaires,"
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"that you were frightened by that man who arrived earlier."
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"Um, it makes sense that you were alarmed,"
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"being that he chased you up and down the stairs with a knife."
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"But there's nothing to fear."
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"He is my new assistant, Stephano."
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"I have seen his papers and everything is in order."
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"So, you see, there's nothing to be worried about."
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"Oh, yes... I see now."
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"Precisely, Baudelaires!"
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"Uh, Stephano has explained to me"
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"that he has a very strict fitness regimen,"
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"where he has to run up and down the stairs brandishing a knife"
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"So, that makes perfect sense."
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"Very good, very good."
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"So, now that that is cleared up,"
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"There should even be enough for Stephano."
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"Now, we don't have much time before the movie,"
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"so help me take down this canoe."
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"I'm not some half-witted banker or some member of a High Court,"
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"He can wear as many lab coats as he wants,"
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"and present me with as many ridiculous papers as he wants."
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"He's no more a lab assistant than I'm a three-mouth Brazilian waxed turtle."
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"So what are we gonna do?"
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"that I called the authorities? No."
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"If we call the police or Mr. Poe or the official fire department,"
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"He will join us for dinner"
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"A man that dastardly must be watched like a hawk."
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"For now, Baudelaires,"
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"we'll be watchful and wary,"
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"which is a word that around here means very careful."
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"- We know what wary means. - Good."
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"we can't afford to turn our backs, not even for a second."
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"- Dr. Montgomery. - Monty!"
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"So sorry."
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"I seem to have been very careless with the heavy glass reading lamp"
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"that fell out right when you were walking under it."
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"Uh, yeah. Totally understandable."
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"It... it happens all the time."
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