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Clips from A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Reptile Room: Part One (S01E01)

"Monty, our parents never mentioned you."
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"Really?"
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"Really."
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"Renowned scientist?"
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"Herpetologist?"
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"Follow me. Now, your parents and I practically grew up together."
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"- There's no one in that picture. - We're locked inside the piano."
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"Ah, we were so young."
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"Well, it seems that some proper introductions need to be made."
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"Do you know what herpetology means?"
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"I circle the globe in search of a creature who can encircle a globe."
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"Oh, drat."
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"What?"
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"He was my assistant for many years,"
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"then he left me a quite unexpected letter of resignation just yesterday morning."
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"Quite surprising, really. Well, no matter what."
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"Who needs an assistant when I have three charming Baudelaire bambinis"
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"to help me with my research?"
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"Why, I'm so giddy having you here"
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"Now, Baudelaires,"
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"I am about to show you one of the most important scientific collections"
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"in the history of the world."
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"Spies and rivals in the world of herpetology"
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"would eat nine garter snakes"
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"This door has been installed with top-of-the-line security system."
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"Or, as I share with my most trusted associates..."
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"right here."
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"Feel free to explore."
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"Here is the lizard wing..."
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"Now, see his yellow-striped belly, a sign of camouflage and cowardice."
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"Can it really fly?"
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"He can fly on cue."
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"And here... we have the dissonant tortoises,"
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"soothed only by the music of Alexander Scriabin or early Sonic Youth."
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"This, my dears, is my most recent discovery."
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"The crown jewel of the Montgomery Reptile Collection."
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"I discovered him on a recent journey and I brought him under cover of night"
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"and a very large hat."
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"Because next month, I am going to present him"
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"to the Herpetological Society as my new discovery."
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"I discovered him, so I got to name him."
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"What is it called?"
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"One thing that I have found is that"
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"when it becomes absolutely overwhelming,"
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"it is useful to stop for a moment of contemplation,"
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"absolutely survives this particular incident."
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"It is Dr. Montgomery, however, who ends up dead, although not yet."
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"Anyways, apologies for the interruption."
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"- Sunny! - Get the snake!"
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"But the incredibly deadly viper is one of the friendliest"
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"and least dangerous animals in the entire animal kingdom."
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"Sunny will come to no harm and neither will you."
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"But it's called the incredibly deadly viper."
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"Yes. It's a misnomer. Do you know what that means?"
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"Well, a very fitting definition."
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"Because... I intend to play a little joke"
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"on those stuffed shirts at the Herpetological Society."
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"Payback for years of ridicule."
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"Hello, hello, Montgomery Montgomery."
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"How do you do, how do you do, Montgomery Montgomery?"
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"Well, at our next meeting,"
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"and then pretend it's escaped."
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"Are there any snakes in this room that are dangerous?"
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"I have an entire cabinet full of venom samples"
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"from some of the most venomous snakes known to man."
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"And woman."
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"The deepest secrets of the snake world can be found in these pages."
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"You are not only allowed, you are implored to read these books."
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"You know, I always wanted to have a family of my own."
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"time flies like a winged lizard."
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"I know... that a few dangerous reptiles"
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"can make you skeptical of the entire species."
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"But, if you give them a chance..."
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"and you get to know them well enough to tell the dangerous from the good..."
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"I promise you..."
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"no harm will come to you in the Reptile Room."
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"There is a type of situation which occurs all too often"
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"in the story of the Baudelaire orphans, called dramatic irony."
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"Simply put, dramatic irony is when a person makes a remark,"
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"which makes the remark have a different, usually unpleasant, meaning."
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"Uh, for example, if I were to say, I can't wait to eat this almond cookie,"
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"that would be dramatic irony."
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"I promise you, no harm will come to you in the Reptile Room."
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"Woe is me."
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"Don't be sad. Uncle Monty will be down soon."
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"just happens to sound like depressed human speech."
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"I know. Just like talking to it."
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"I wish he'd go back outside. He's... annoying."
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"- Woe is me. - Woe is you?"
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"and now we're being passed around like hot potatoes."
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"I know that!"
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"Sorry."
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"We're always gonna miss our parents."
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"But... Monty's been a good guardian so far"
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"But that's just it."
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"Our parents never mentioned Dr. Montgomery."
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"Why did we never visit him?"
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"I thought we knew all our parents' friends."
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"I'm sure they had a good reason for not telling us about Monty."
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"Maybe it was the same reason they sent us to Briny Beach that day."
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"Or maybe there was a more sinister reason."
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"Bambini? Baudelaire bambini! There you are."
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"and Klaus clipped the iguana's nails."
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"Ah, thank you. I'm so grateful."
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"- Where are you going? - Well, I'm gonna go into town"
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"and pick up a few things that I like to keep in stock."
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"Wasp repellent, canned peaches, a fireproof canoe."
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"And then, tonight, we'll go and see our first movie."
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"- What movie are we seeing? - Well, we won't know until we get there."
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"I've never heard of a movie theater that doesn't tell you what movie is playing."
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"that you're going to see that you've never heard of before."
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"Come along, Raymond Ditmars."
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"There we go. Come along."
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"Now, there we go."
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"Ta-ta for now. Come along, come along. Yes."
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"Yes. That's right."
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"What did he mean, conundrum of esoterica?"
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"Well, a conundrum is a mystery."
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"And esoterica are obscure objects or documents."
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"Those hedges outside make up a labyrinth."
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