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Clips from Seinfeld - The Statue (S02E02)

"I have to tell you that I did get some very exciting news recently."
Seinfeld
"I don't know if I should tell you what it is, because it's not definite yet."
Seinfeld
"Well, I will tell you what I do know so far."
Seinfeld
"According to the information that I have in the envelope that I received..."
Seinfeld
"Well, thank you. Thank you very much."
Seinfeld
"But in all honesty..."
Seinfeld
"...it looks like I am among the top people that they are considering."
Seinfeld
"I'd like once for a sweepstakes company to have some guts."
Seinfeld
"Just tell people the truth one time. Send out envelopes:"
Seinfeld
"You turn it over, giant printing:"
Seinfeld
"Not even close."
Seinfeld
"Even we cannot believe how badly you've done in this contest."
Seinfeld
"To the right."
Seinfeld
"So how long has it been in the basement?"
Seinfeld
"What's in it?"
Seinfeld
"Look at this place. I can't wait to get it cleaned."
Seinfeld
"Students can't clean. It's anathema."
Seinfeld
"They don't like it."
Seinfeld
"And I got to the part about, I'll never have the recipe again..."
Seinfeld
"- I got dibs. - No dibs. I need the statue. Give it!"
Seinfeld
"Why don't you just settle it like mature adults?"
Seinfeld
"He's it. He wins."
Seinfeld
"Come on, Kramer. Now, you got the socks."
Seinfeld
"All right, you can have it."
Seinfeld
"If they don't let you be my editor on this..."
Seinfeld
"Oh, this is so fantastic. I don't know how to thank you."
Seinfeld
"Greetings. Greetings and salutations."
Seinfeld
"I don't feel comfortable with a maid either."
Seinfeld
"He uncoagulated the top of the dishwashing liquid."
Seinfeld
"He cleaned in the little one-inch area..."
Seinfeld
"There's Elastic Man, Plastic Man..."
Seinfeld
"To Rava's. I gotta pick up her manuscript."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, wait, I'll go with you. - Okay."
Seinfeld
"Elaine, he Windexed the little peephole."
Seinfeld
"Hey, Ray, listen."
Seinfeld
"But I didn't just clean your apartment."
Seinfeld
"It was a ritual, a ceremony."
Seinfeld
"A celebration of life."
Seinfeld
"- Water's boiling. Are we having tea? - Yes."
Seinfeld
"That looks like the statue from my house."
Seinfeld
"Those are the pastries. Take care of that."
Seinfeld
"Yes, Jerry Seinfeld."
Seinfeld
"She forgot how to make French toast."
Seinfeld
"Thanks anyway. Bye."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah, right. - We can't let him get away with this."
Seinfeld
"He knew I was gonna know it's missing and that he took it."
Seinfeld
"I already called my parents."
Seinfeld
"George, do you realize..."
Seinfeld
"- Let me just call him. - I'll call him."
Seinfeld
"Listen, you know that statue on your mantel..."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Oh, you don't want to talk about it over the phone."
Seinfeld
"You know the coffee shop near my house, Monk's?"
Seinfeld
"Great. Okay, bye."
Seinfeld
"Relax. He's late. He's always late. It's part of his m. o."
Seinfeld
"You know how much trouble you could've gotten me in?"
Seinfeld
"- Well, I- - Rava was standing right next to me."
Seinfeld
"I never told her where I got the statue."
Seinfeld
"- I'm talking about the statue. - Yeah, me too."
Seinfeld
"You were in my house."
Seinfeld
"What's behind this? It's Rava, isn't it?"
Seinfeld
"She's from Finland, for crying out loud. Finland! Do you understand?"
Seinfeld
"Singapore? Do you hear this?"
Seinfeld
"You stole the statue! You're a thief! You're a liar!"
Seinfeld
"That is because I am registered under my full legal name..."
Seinfeld
"...that was bound to happen."
Seinfeld
"How did you get the goop out of the top of the dishwashing liquid?"
Seinfeld
"It was like a brand-new nozzle."
Seinfeld
"You have to admit, the circumstantial evidence..."
Seinfeld
"I mean, he was in the apartment..."
Seinfeld
"Big coincidence."
Seinfeld
"No, that's a big coincidence."
Seinfeld
"That's what a coincidence is."
Seinfeld
"No. There are degrees of coincidences."
Seinfeld
"Okay, fine."
Seinfeld
"- Can't you talk to your boss? - I did."
Seinfeld
"Police. Open up!"
Seinfeld
"Police?"
Seinfeld
"I said, spread them!"
Seinfeld
"Shut up! Keep them spread."
Seinfeld
"Because I'm gonna let you off with just a warning."
Seinfeld
"Any more of this criminal activity, and you'll be sorry. You got me?"
Seinfeld
"Kramer, I can't believe it."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, you're my hero! - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- Kramer, what did you do? - Well, let's put it this way:"
Seinfeld
"But everybody has their own little personal security things."
Seinfeld
"- Come on! - Come on!"
Seinfeld
"...it seems..."
Seinfeld
"...that I may have already won some very valuable prizes."
Seinfeld
"Well, thank you. It's very nice to hear that."
Seinfeld
"...I have to say, I didn't even know I was in this thing."
Seinfeld
"But according to the readout..."
Seinfeld
"That annoys me about sweepstakes."
Seinfeld
"They tease you with, You may have already won."
Seinfeld
"You have definitely lost."
Seinfeld
"You open it, there's a letter of explanation:"
Seinfeld
"Boy, that took a while."
Seinfeld
"- Don't get up. - I'd like to help, but my neck..."
Seinfeld
"Since my grandfather died."
Seinfeld
"I was supposed to send it to my parents, but they didn't want it."
Seinfeld
"They said get rid of it, but I felt funny."
Seinfeld
"And then I forgot about it. It's been sitting there for three years..."
Seinfeld
"...until he saw it."
Seinfeld
"All right, so just take what you want, and let's get it out of here."
Seinfeld
"Grandpa clothes. I can't wear them."
Seinfeld
"You want these? Knee socks. You don't wear knee socks."
Seinfeld
"No. Go ahead."
Seinfeld
"I know somebody who'll do it."
Seinfeld
"She's good, she's honest..."
Seinfeld
"No, Elaine's got this writer friend from Finland. Rava."
Seinfeld
"Her boyfriend goes to Columbia grad school."
Seinfeld
"And he's supposed to do it."
Seinfeld
"How long you been waiting to squeeze that into a conversation?"
Seinfeld
"Now, this, I like."
Seinfeld
"I can't believe this."
Seinfeld
"- Let me see this. - Wait, wait."
Seinfeld
"- Let me just see it for a second. - No. Come on, come on."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, my God. It's exactly the same. - What?"
Seinfeld
"When I was 10 years old, my parents had this very same statue..."
Seinfeld
"...on the mantel of our apartment. Exactly."
Seinfeld
"And one day I grabbed it, I was using it as a microphone."
Seinfeld
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