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Clips from Two and a Half Men (2003) - Pilot (S01E01)

"I'm hungry."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"After all, I'm just rattling around in that big house all by myself."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"I am going to have to make an appointment with Judith,"
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"- Alan... - And you were right."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"Maybe because I love me more than anything in the world."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"Alan, the divan is not for sitting."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"Damn telemarketers."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"What does that mean, you know? Has a woman ever said that to you?"
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"- Jake? - My son."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"Tell you what,"
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"so let's just keep this to ourselves."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"No. It's okay."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"- Hey, thanks for cleaning up. - No, it wasn't me. Rose was here."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"I love you, too, Mom."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"- I call. - I call."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"On one side, we'll put gay stuff..."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"I leave you alone with him for a couple of hours..."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"Well, yeah, I know the point of these things is..."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"No."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
"I'll see you"
Two and a Half Men (2003)