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Clips from Scrubs - My Screwup (S03E03)

"Chris from Shipping and Receiving wants to go solo."
Scrubs
"He's the only one with hair. What do you think I should do?"
Scrubs
"I'm not interested unless it involves my loved ones, or possibly my wife."
Scrubs
"Let me powder my head first."
Scrubs
"Mr Taylor, let me worry about that for you."
Scrubs
"Oh, my God! He's gonna die!"
Scrubs
"because Mr Jinky, the Juggler"
Scrubs
"who Jordan just has to have for Jack's birthday party just got a DUI."
Scrubs
"and run every haematological screening test we have."
Scrubs
"And I'm a little worried about Mr Taylor here."
Scrubs
"I can't figure out his irregular heartbeat."
Scrubs
"But I find Jordan is a little bit more along the lines of teeth and tongue..."
Scrubs
"- Will you please stop it? - Fangs."
Scrubs
"This guy is supposed to be a great plastic surgeon."
Scrubs
"OK. So... Who wants what bigger or smaller?"
Scrubs
"No, it wouldn't."
Scrubs
"How long does it take to fill a bottle with pills?"
Scrubs
"I'm sorry, madam. I hope we didn't wake you."
Scrubs
"It's just that I have 50 patients and I..."
Scrubs
"- who work below me. - As do I."
Scrubs
"Ted, even though I never asked you to, that is still just terrific news."
Scrubs
"That hurt here and here."
Scrubs
"Dr Cox?"
Scrubs
"What's the matter? You look like Maybelline just went belly up."
Scrubs
"We tried to resuscitate him, but there was nothing we could do."
Scrubs
"I'm sorry."
Scrubs
"- Wow, man, bummer. - This shouldn't have happened."
Scrubs
"Guilt's a funny thing. It can lead to denial."
Scrubs
"- The kid screwed up. - No, he didn't."
Scrubs
"Turk is doing this sweet thing for me, and..."
Scrubs
"You know what, sweetie? I'm fine with getting rid of this mole"
Scrubs
"That's perfect. Of course I will."
Scrubs
"As a doctor, you're around death so much, you get used to the guilt"
Scrubs
"and you keep it from affecting your personal relationships."
Scrubs
"- I'm taking all your patients. - Wait, you think this was my fault?"
Scrubs
"It was your fault. Now get the hell out."
Scrubs
"I got it."
Scrubs
"- All the best. - Thanks, man."
Scrubs
"Nothing says "good morning" like a drunken human alarm clock."
Scrubs
"You know what I need? I need people to stop telling me what I should do."
Scrubs
"- Why are you here? - Dr Cox. Can I talk to you?"
Scrubs
"Hey, Val, you know what's funny?"
Scrubs
"Ever since I started taking care of your patients, not one of them has died."
Scrubs
"Look, you wanna be mad at me, that's fine. I get it."
Scrubs
"Jordan called. She wants to make sure you show later."
Scrubs
"- I know, but... - Face!"
Scrubs
"- Butt-face. - Listen, my butt is fabulous."
Scrubs
"A slice of that here, that's just me spreading the wealth."
Scrubs
"But my mole is part of me and you need to convince Carla to get me out of this."
Scrubs
"I can't, I got things to do."
Scrubs
"Like what? Dr Cox took all your patients."
Scrubs
"It's my heritage. It's also a candy bar in Ecuador. But mostly it's my heritage."
Scrubs
"But as you've forced me to respond,"
Scrubs
"let me tell you a couple of things that only a few people know."
Scrubs
"I haven't paid my country club dues since '97,"
Scrubs
"but I still tee off every Wednesday at 8:15 and take a bare ass steam"
Scrubs
"when the last putt drops."
Scrubs
"But, more importantly, I really don't care about any of you or your problems,"
Scrubs
"Not true. When you and Jordan first got married,"
Scrubs
"we went to senile Grandpa Morty's 95th birthday party."
Scrubs
"cos she was loyal to the Kaiser."
Scrubs
"I appreciate your concern, but you don't understand."
Scrubs
"See all these people here? This is not a senior citizen slumber party."
Scrubs
"If it was, I'd already put Mr Fordham's hand in a bowl of warm water,"
Scrubs
"My, my point is, that if I'm not here, people die."
Scrubs
""If I'm not here people die.""
Scrubs
"and then you can piss off for the afternoon"
Scrubs
"and can let one of the other 9,000 doctors take care of things."
Scrubs
"You haven't noticed that my supporting cast in this Theatre of Hell"
Scrubs
"So sorry to bother you Dr Cox, but I have searched high and low for Carla"
Scrubs
"Ben, outstanding commitment."
Scrubs
"Thanks. So, can we go now?"
Scrubs
"Provided that gets you off my back."
Scrubs
"One more thing."
Scrubs
"We're not looking for dead Carla."
Scrubs
"Attagirl, you stay optimistic."
Scrubs
"Sorry, sir. It's been an emotional couple of days."
Scrubs
"She's a terrible snorer. She used to keep me up all night."
Scrubs
"Trust me, if I ever met a Japan Air stewardess who snored like Enid,"
Scrubs
"But here's the point. You might find out that thing you hate so much"
Scrubs
"Thank you, sir."
Scrubs
"- The mole's inoperable. - Deal's off."
Scrubs
"Great! An open surgery slot just going to waste."
Scrubs
"Not necessarily."
Scrubs
"Look at this."
Scrubs
"You're right. I was an idiot to buy these shower shorts."
Scrubs
"- I really needed to hear that. - Good."
Scrubs
"- Shower shorts? - For the man who has nothing to hide,"
Scrubs
"Well, it's official, Chris left the band."
Scrubs
"Thank you, sir."
Scrubs
"And if you don't, who cares? You all stink anyway."
Scrubs
"Can you tie my tie, Mrs Espinosa?"
Scrubs
"You can't keep me from getting drunk."
Scrubs
"People singing happy birthday to my son who've never met him before."
Scrubs
"Where do you think we are?"
Scrubs
"is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be..."
Scrubs
"The obvious answer is to draw Sean's face on it"
Scrubs
"- Or it's a simple surgery. - We've decided on "bunion face"."
Scrubs
"Turk? If I keep my last name after we get married, that's no big deal, right?"
Scrubs
"Hi, JD."
Scrubs
"- Can we just go home and have sex? - No! Again, from the top."
Scrubs
"Why's that?"
Scrubs
"- I can't! - That's perfect!"
Scrubs
"- Too weird? - Nah."
Scrubs
"You get leukaemia and disappear for two years. What is that about?"
Scrubs
"you neglected to visit a single doctor,"
Scrubs
"medicine man, or scary shaman with the giant saucers in his ears."
Scrubs
"Oh, God, save me!"
Scrubs
"- I hate your mole. - What?"
Scrubs
"I can't. I'm covering for Doug. He's on a his-and-her spa day with his mom."
Scrubs
"No, it's not. It needs to go away."
Scrubs
"and I avoid getting personal with staff members"
Scrubs
"You've seen it. I mean, you can't avoid it."
Scrubs
"20 minutes after you left, he went into cardiac arrest."
Scrubs
"And there she goes, Mrs Carla Butt-face."
Scrubs
"This is an emotional situation. Go easy on the kid."
Scrubs
"I hate her for doing this to me."
Scrubs
"and you can confirm that with Ted."
Scrubs
"- Can we go now? - No."
Scrubs
"What don't I understand?"
Scrubs
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