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Clips from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - Doink (S01E01)

"Punching in was just kind of a real"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"with a couple of dozen fat fucking Santas."
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"Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Picture that."
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"Me, and a line of big, fat fucking Santas, and you know,"
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"some of these guys are fucking fat, and..."
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"That's what Mr. Stanyon told me."
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"That-that's actually not Mr. Stanyon's voice,"
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"that's Mrs. O'Toole."
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""Doors are opening.""
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"fun girls at work, too."
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"Uh, Mary, she's sweet."
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"All right. You win."
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"And beautiful, like, God, this woman is beautiful."
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"She's-she's Lena Horne, she helps our Negro customers."
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"What?"
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"It-it's not going anywhere."
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"Doesn't matter."
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"No. And fix the fucking mic, it won't come off the stand."
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"Jesus."
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"He killed. Same audience."
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"No. Uh-uh, no way."
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"- But I'm funny. - Everybody bombs."
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"The guys go on Jack Paar, they never bomb."
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"and honing their act so you don't have to see them bomb."
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"They've bombed, believe me."
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"No, you're gonna bomb again and again and again and again."
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"I've only done this drunk or stoned."
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"- Give me a cigarette. - Next time, prepare a little."
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"Then you're stuck."
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"So we went to this cabdriver, and we said to him,"
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""Where's the action?""
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"This kind of masculine, sort of... -"
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"* Who is similarly inclined *"
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"* Don't be nervous, don't be flustered *"
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"* Don't be scared *"
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"Ah, did he now? - Guys, guys, you're not in your homes."
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"Sorry, Sal."
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"Sally. Sally, Sally."
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"- That's Latin. - Is that so?"
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"to people that don't actually need plastic stuff."
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"- It's kind of our calling. - Two more."
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"- Sally's. - We're not going home."
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"It's not that hard."
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"Yeah."
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"This song isn't bad."
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"She's meeting the parents this week."
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"Oh! Big stuff."
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"Yeah? - Yeah. Buddy, everyone loves Penny."
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"How'd you get tickets?"
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"I got friends in high places."
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"so I don't know, if you and Imogene want to tag along...?"
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"* I wonder why nobody don't like me *"
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"* Or is it the fact that I'm ugly? *"
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"Isn't that fun?"
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"* Bad talk inside the house they bring *"
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"- I joke. - Ah."
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"And you did. Welcome to my office."
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"* Shut your mouth, go away *"
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"Yep? - Verla, how much do you love your Herb?"
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"a stuffed cabbage,"
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"some kasha varnishkes,"
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""He's extremely Jewish.""
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"And extremely hungry."
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"Guilty on all counts."
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"- I told you that, didn't I? - You did. But..."
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"Anyhow, I've helped tons of comics"
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"Wrote an episode of Our Miss Brooks."
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"Eve Arden's a dream."
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"- Mm. - A real dream."
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"I'm getting clammy just thinking about it."
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"for the last five years."
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"The Doyenne of Domesticity."
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"and stop right here,"
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"I'll never be able to recreate this tomorrow."
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"Absolutely."
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"Herb? Phone."
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"- Do they sound angry? - I'm not your fuckin' secretary."
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"And not the IRS? Thank God."
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"The Gaslight? So you know Susie Myerson."
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"They do have a stool."
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"Ah, yes."
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"we start from the top,"
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"So, I saw them unboxing some new dresses"
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"on the seventh floor today."
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"I'm not even supposed to be up there,"
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"Some Chanel came in... to die for."
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"that was just screaming my name."
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"Mama, Ethan and Esther are supposed to be with Mrs. Fulber."
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"Fulber's a drunk."
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"No. He's the storyteller, not me."
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"What did I tell you? Greatest show on earth."
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"- I would love to go on a cruise. - We should take a cruise."
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"Except Joel... he gets tummy sick."
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"It was on the Staten Island Ferry,"
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"- Great story. - And she got to the end"
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"Cutting it close there, gally."
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"Sorry. Subway stopped between stations."
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"Pretty sure some guy groped me."
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"- a minute to calm down. - You're going on,"
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"Sadie Morton."
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"Why not?"
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"Just some notes."
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"All right, next up is a really funny comedian."
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"Hi there, everybody."
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"to hear a woman yapping, I'd have stayed home.""
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"But there is no way your mothers are as funny as me."
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"All right, all right, we're having fun here."
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"of three rambunctious kids."
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"I-I didn't give birth at 13."
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"I would have had to have given birth at 13."
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"- Mm. - Thank you."
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"my family fights so much at the dinner table,"
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"I'm thinking of putting up four ropes and selling tickets."
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"A boxing thing."
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"My husband."
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"It's more of a visual spelling joke, I guess. See..."
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"Wow. How did Bob Hope become Bob Hope?"
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"Thank you, sir."
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"That's literally all it says."
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"- Excuse me? - Bring back the banjo."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
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