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Clips from 30 Rock - Mazel Tov, Dummies! (S07E07)

"Jenna's salary and earning potential,"
30 Rock
"Uh, let's say Jenna was worth that in her prime."
30 Rock
"That was ten years ago."
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"She has certainly depreciated since then."
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"Jenna is becoming more unemployable by the moment."
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"And thanks to decades of partying,"
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"Jenna's internal organs will get you nothing"
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"on the black market."
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"Daddy, why are you doing this?"
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"bullet in jaw, fatwa, credit card debt,"
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"$2,000."
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"In Arizona, two grand will buy me a castle"
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"and a pillowcase full of meth."
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"Make it out to "Doomsday Enterprises.""
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"♪ Missed the Saturday dance"
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"♪ heard they crowded the floor ♪"
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"♪ darling, I guess"
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"♪ my mind's more at ease"
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"♪ but nevertheless"
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"♪ why stir up memories?"
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"Goodbye, bitey."
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"Well, I guess I need to read all of these scripts"
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"to determine which one has the greatest probability"
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"of succeeding in this ever changing global marketplace."
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"I used to only say stuff like that"
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"in my white nerd voice."
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"♪ Don't get around much anymore ♪"
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"Oh, I see you over there, you little gumdrop."
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"and magically become amazing parents,"
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"just like the Hiltons."
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"Oh, here he comes. Mm, mm, mm."
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"I'll give you a bath in the sink, like a baby."
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"Excuse me, what number are you guys?"
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"Would you be able to stay and be our witnesses?"
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"We're at City Hall."
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"after you both ran out of clean clothes."
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"No, it's 'cause this is just a piece of paper."
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"You okay?"
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"You know, I always imagined getting married"
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"right when they take your picture"
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"on splash mountain."
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"But weddings are about the bride,"
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"You know, the first wedding I ever went to,"
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"I was a flower girl for my Aunt Linda."
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"I did my first ever eye roll."
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"And today, I honor that little girl's eye roll"
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"with this masterpiece."
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"Great, 'cause I forgot my birth certificate."
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"And even though Shanice said"
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"she'd let it slide if I sat on her hand,"
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"What?"
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"Liz Lemon, I haven't seen anything in the news"
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"about attitudes towards marriage changing forever"
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"because of one brave woman."
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"Is everything okay?"
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"I emailed Tony Bennett,"
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"He's singing at the White House, but will cancel for me."
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"so he might call you "Tina.""
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"Okay, so we'll take another number,"
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"you'll get your birth certificate."
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"I'm no more annoyed right now"
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"Oh, yeah."
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"Jenna, when I said what you were worth,"
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"that was a negotiation tactic."
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"$2,000, Jack?"
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"I've stolen more than that from my cleaning lady's purse."
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"I mean, look at Kenneth."
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"He's worth $5, tops."
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"I'm going to hold you to that, sir."
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"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
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"Everyone around here is human garbage."
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"If you're past your prime, then so am I."
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"I've been divorced twice."
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"I'm at an age where I no longer need erectile softeners."
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"I'm number two at an American television company,"
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"I'll probably die in this job."
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"I've already had one heart attack."
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"I used to be a young man with promise."
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"trying to cheer up a $2,000 actress,"
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"because a janitor said I hurt her feelings, so..."
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"Oh, thank you, Jack."
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"Well, this is what I was wearing"
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"when we met in riverside Park."
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"Great, so now you're more dressed up"
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"than I am at my own wedding,"
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"but whatever. I got witnesses."
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"These guys were in the park,"
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"Okay, well, I thought it might be nice"
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"maybe there's not going to be a wedding."
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"Okay, is this a big deal or not?"
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"I don't know."
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"So you're yelling at me because..."
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"Because I'm Liz Lemon."
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"My parents spent the money they saved up for my wedding"
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"that this was never going to happen,"
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"Ergo, it couldn't matter."
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""Ergo.""
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"Affleck's finally going to get that Oscar."
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"And I'm still 90% right."
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"Guess what?"
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"You wasted a lot of money on that dress."
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"Oh, actually, it was my grandmother's."
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"She made it out of parachute silk"
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"while hiding from the Germans."
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"Shut up."
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"And then you came along,"
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"and now we're doing this,"
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"and a tiny little part of me that I hate"
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"wants to be a princess."
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"Liz, it's okay to be a human woman."
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"because of society."
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"I mean, why do you watch Wedding bitches"
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"in the first place?"
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"I want today to be special."
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""I forgot my birth certificate.""
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"You were playing me."
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""I'll wear my stupid turtleneck.""
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"Wait, you think it's stupid?"
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"but we're going to do it right."
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"We need rings and flowers,"
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