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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Rhinitis Revelation (S05E05)

"...is her way of saying "I really love you.""
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"All right. We're going out. You like sushi?"
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"Well, there's actually big news on the Amy front."
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"It's kind of tough. She's in India."
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"And if it was beef."
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"Get them before they get us."
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"Well, I couldn't find you guys so I bought six new friends."
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"We don't say that, either."
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"Woman could hunt geese with a rake."
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"...and two beautiful mixed-race babies."
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"...and your sadness and your slutty shirts."
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"He's not talking about your shirt. Your shirt is fine."
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"Mom, I want to apologize for my behavior last night."
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"Look, he will be stating that the universe is older than 6000 years..."
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"...to spend a day with the world's most wonderful son, believe it, it's true."
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"Sheldon, is it possible that your foul mood or..."
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"Actually, some research indicates that by not overthinking..."
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"...not to coldcock him with my Bible."
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"It's probably a little late to ask you to make me taller."
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"...and the kind of pea that comes along once, maybe twice in a generation."
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"Rain. Another great equalizer."
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"I need a tissue. This one got wet."
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"No, we don't."
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"...which means I'm still basically a toddler."
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"So, what kind of cruise is this you're going on?"
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"It's called the Born Again Boat Ride."
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"Christian Quarterly gave it - Five thorny crowns."
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"I do wish you'd come with me, Sheldon."
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"Oh, well, Mom, if I did, it would be conclusive proof..."
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"...that your God can work miracles."
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"You're missing out. It's gonna be wall-to-wall fun. It's all themed."
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"There's Jonah-and-the-whale watching."
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"All you can eat Last Supper Buffet."
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"And my personal favorite, Gunning with God."
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"What's Gunning with God? I'm afraid to ask, heh."
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"Oh, it is a hoot and a half."
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"You write your sins on a clay pigeon..."
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"...they fire them up in the air, and you pulverize them with a 12-gauge shotgun..."
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"...full of our Lord's forgiveness."
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"Frankly, Mom, I'm encouraged to see how advanced your group has become..."
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"...willing to sail out into the ocean without fear of falling off the edge."
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"For example, if Shelly was aboard, he'd write "smart mouth" on his pigeon."
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"Bam!"
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"The Lord giveth and the Lord bloweth away."
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"Well, Mom, according to my itinerary for our weekend together..."
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"- ...the fun begins with fried chicken. - Sounds delicious."
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"Good, because I got you everything you need to make it."
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"You are in for a treat."
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"My mother's fried chicken is why we had to buy my dad..."
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"...the extra-large coffin."
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"Sheldon, she just got off the plane. She doesn't wanna cook."
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"Of course she does."
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"Making me food is her way of saying "I love you.""
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"Making me food when too tired..."
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"I wouldn't mind going out for a bite, Sheldon."
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"Won't that spoil our appetites for the chicken you're gonna make?"
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"There's a great place down the street."
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"I've never had it, but there's no harm in trying something new."
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"There's a lot of harm in trying something new."
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"That's why we test out drugs and cosmetics on bunny rabbits."
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"Sheldon, you're talking like a crazy person."
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"Doctor says he's fine."
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"- Told you. - I do regret not following up..."
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"...with that specialist in Houston."
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"Stop yelling."
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"I'm not happy about this."
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"What's the last thing you were ever happy about?"
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"The prospect of fried chicken."
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"This is exciting."
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"Back home, the diner on Route 4 serves sushi..."
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"...but it's just cut up fish sticks and a side of Uncle Ben's."
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"They put it on the menu in those kung fu letters, but that don't make it sushi."
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"Uh, "Kung fu letters" might not be politically correct."
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"Oh, I thought the one we couldn't say was "ching chong.""
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"Yeah, yeah, that too."
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"So, Shelly, what's up with you and your friend Amy..."
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"...if you don't mind a mother prying a bit?"
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"She's been studying the neurobiology of addiction in lower animals."
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"She's this close to getting a starfish hooked on cocaine."
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"You have any idea what's going on with those two?"
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"Hmm. It's kind of like the Loch Ness monster."
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"Maybe there's something there, maybe there isn't. We'll never know."
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"But sometimes it's fun to creep yourself out thinking about it."
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"How are you doing on the young lady front?"
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"I hear you're in some sort of a long-distance situation?"
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"Uh. Yeah, it's Raj's sister."
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"Her parents aren't happy she's dating someone white."
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"Oh, that's a funny turn, isn't it?"
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"Because you... You never think about it going the other way."
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"Well, you can't force things."
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"Figure out if you're in a relationship or if you're just calling it one. Like they say:"
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""A cat can have kittens in the oven, but that don't make them biscuits.""
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"That reminds me of another saying:"
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""You can lead a chicken to Crisco, but you can't make your mother fry it.""
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"You pester me one more time about chicken..."
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"...I will put you over my knee right here in this restaurant."
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"Please pester her. Please, for me."
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"Mrs. Cooper, what did you think of the sushi?"
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"Good. The only thing that would have made it better, if it was cooked."
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"Sheldon, when is your landlord gonna fix the elevator?"
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"I don't know."
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"Lately, we've been talking about converting it into a missile silo."
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"Your son seems to think we need to launch a preemptive strike on Burbank."
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"Hey, look who decided to show up."
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"Raj, what are you doing?"
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"Three, sadly, are dead."
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"Mom, you remember Rajesh? Rajesh, my mother."
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"Of course. Mrs. Cooper. So nice to see you again."
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"Well, it's so nice to see you too. Heh."
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"I thought it was our Indians that had the occasional alcohol problem."
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"I'll make you a list."
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"Oh, that would be mighty white of you."
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"So, Raj, what pain are you trying to cover up..."
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"...with alcohol?"
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"- Nothing, I'm fine. - Are you?"
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"No."
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"That's better. Now, tell me what's bothering you."
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"I'm so lonely."
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"Oh, yes, born alone, die alone. It's a tragic human condition."
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"Now, Raj, if you'll excuse my mother..."
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