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Clips from The Good Place - The Trolley Problem (S02E02)

"This is why everyone hates moral philosophy professors."
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"I'm on your side here, dude, but he is not wrong."
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"trust me."
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"When it comes to human ethics,"
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"I just know more than you."
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"I've been studying it my whole life."
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"It's just that it's so theoretical, you know?"
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"concrete approach."
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"I made The Trolley Problem real"
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"so we could see how the ethics would actually play out."
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"T-the thing is, I mean, ethically speaking..."
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"if you ascribe to a purely utilitarian worldview..."
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"Okay. So..."
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"Chidi? Talk it out, buddy."
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"What are we thinking?"
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"He thinks he just killed a bunch of people with a trolley."
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"It's just a simulation."
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"I would never make you kill real people."
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"Michael, can we just go back to the classroom?"
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"We never left. Here, I'll show you."
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"Look. See, buddy? None of this was real."
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"Does that make sense?"
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"There have to be stakes, or it's just another thought experiment."
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"This is awful."
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"You specifically asked me"
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"if there was a way I could connect with the material more."
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"Sorry. You're right."
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"Thank you, Chidi."
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"So let's try again, hmm?"
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"No, the whole point is to play out the scenario in real time."
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"Okay. Okay. I can do this."
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"This is the scenario"
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"where you actually know one of the people."
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"Henry, move!"
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"- Oh, nice trolley. - Move out of the way!"
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"Again, just a simulation..."
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"Would someone's foot really fly off their body like that?"
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"That was kind of cool."
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"Tahani's confusing. She's really smart."
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"And she's all soft and smooth like a bunch of water balloons."
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"And how does that make you feel?"
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"that I'm not some sort of scientist"
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"who forecloses on banks."
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"I need another session with Janet."
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"with one Janet, as it were."
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"I'd feel great."
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"Janet, what's happening?"
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"My guess is I'm operating in a way I'm not designed for,"
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""What has one thumb and wants to keep going?""
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"Trolley Problem version number seven."
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"Chidi opted to run over five William Shakespeares"
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"instead of one Santa Claus."
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"Okay, as much as I'm enjoying"
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"watching random people's heads fly off,"
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"- You might be right, Eleanor. - Thank you."
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"Let's try the doctor one."
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"These five people all need organ transplants,"
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"or they will die."
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"Chidi, do you want to slice her open and use her organs"
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"to save the five sick people?"
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"Chidi, Chidi, think about this."
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"I'm your friend."
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"As a doctor, I've taken the Hippocratic Oath to do no harm,"
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"I cannot harm one innocent person"
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"to save them and forsake my oath."
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"- Tell their families. - What?"
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"Doctor Chidi? My daddy needed a heart transplant."
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"Did you save his life?"
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"He was working, then a really bad man"
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"Oh! Come on!"
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"I'm finding this incredibly helpful."
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"I think I'm really starting to get it."
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"Oh, I know. We'll do the one where you're in a boat"
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"next to a volcano, and you can either save 50 people,"
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"- No, no, no, no, no. - Hey."
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"Are you torturing us again?"
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"What?"
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"You don't care about learning ethics lessons."
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"You're just torturing Chidi again, aren't you?"
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"- Busted. - What?"
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"Yeah. I thought that was clear from my laughter."
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"Look, I'm still on your team, okay?"
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"Phew."
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"See? Back home. All good."
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"You keep saying that we need you,"
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"we still end up getting tortured."
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"You are no longer welcome in my class."
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"Get the fork out!"
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"You've been staring at the second page of this book for an hour."
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"concentrating on a table of contents helps me calm down."
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"It's like a menu, but the food is words."
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"he wanted to learn from us."
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"What he really wanted was to torture me,"
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"Woven belts?"
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"I'm sorry about this, Chidi."
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"I made him take the classes, and I feel a little responsible."
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"Yeah, you're right. It isn't. And no take-backs."
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"me trying desperately"
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"to teach him something that he never intended to learn"
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"so I'd end up miserable with my glasses all smudged up"
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"from sweaty-forehead stress grease."
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"Okay. Gross."
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"Oh, no? What possible other reason could he have"
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"Yesterday Tahani gave us her reasons"
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"not to take this relationship public."
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"Tahani, what do you value about Jason?"
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"Well, he's thoughtful..."
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"Often they're ones I've just planted, but..."
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"That's how I know they fresh."
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"He's the least self-aware person I've ever met."
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"Therefore, quite good at sex."
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"Here's the thing."
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"I'm nice to you, and you're mean to me."
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"There's something wrong about that,"
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"Oh, Jason."
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"I genuinely like you,"
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"Okay."
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"if you agree to grab my butt in public once a week."
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"You can say I sat in gum"
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"and that you're trying to scrape it off."
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