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Clips from South Park - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe (S01E01)

"...so we had to do the whole thing ourselves."
South Park
"...for long periods of time."
South Park
"That "kick the baby" game looks fun. Have you played it personally?"
South Park
"So sit back, relax and enjoy "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe.""
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"Cartman Gets an Anal Probe"
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"- Cartman doesn't know either. - I know what it is!"
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"- That kicks ass. - Check this one out."
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"- Ready, Ike? Kick the baby. - Don't kick the baby."
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"...when all of a sudden, this bright blue light filled the room."
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"- Those were visitors. - It was just a dream. My mom said so."
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"- They're are real. - They abduct people and mutilate cows."
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"He could be under alien control."
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"- Why you walking so funny? - Shut up!"
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"No, Ike, go home."
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"This is it. This one's for the game. Kick the baby."
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"- Visitors! - Oh, no!"
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"Ike! Stop the bus!"
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"- Then sit down! - But l..."
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"- Are those the same visitors you saw? - Shut up, it's not working."
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"- That fat bitch won't let us. - What did you say?!"
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"What am I gonna do? My brother has been abducted by aliens."
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"That's the third cow this month."
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"This isn't unusual. Cows turn themselves inside out all the time."
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"- What was that? - That was a pigeon."
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"See? There is something funny going on."
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"- Dude! - Is there a problem?"
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"No, that was just a dream."
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"Do you need to sit in the corner until your gas is under control?"
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"Don't try any of that cow hypnosis on me, all right?"
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"Bye, Wendy."
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"Dude, what does the note say?"
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"- Bad. - Why bad?"
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"- What was that? - He is under alien control."
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"Guys, shut up. I'm not under alien control."
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"That hurts, you butt-licker!"
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"Come back here! Come back! Damn it, we were so close!"
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"Wow, poor Kenny."
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"Dude, Kenny is dead. See?"
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"Like Chef says, "I'm getting a piece of loving while the getting's hot.""
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"- How are you doing? - Well, I'm pissed off."
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"- Just a weensy-eensy woo-woo? - No. Leave me alone, Mom."
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"You're right. Come on, Stan. We have to get Cartman."
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"- I have to get home. - Don't be such a fraidy cat."
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"- This sucks! - How come they aren't coming?"
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"There's an 80-foot satellite dish sticking out of your ass!"
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"You guys, I am seriously getting pissed off right now."
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"Oh, goddamn it!"
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"Visitors, you took my brother. He's freckled and looks like a football."
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"You scrawny-assed sh * *! What the f* * * is wrong with you?"
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"Help! Sons of bitches!"
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"- I'm sure glad that's over with. - Boy, am I glad to see you, Ike!"
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"- Hey, look, a French fry. - Cool."
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"Then I went on the ship, and Scott Baio gave me pinkeye."
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"Son of a bitch!"
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"And now, a fireside chat with the creators of South Park:"
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"Matt Stone and Trey Parker."
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"- Hi. I'm Trey Parker. - I'm Matt Stone."
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"- This is Scratch. Say hi, old fella. - We do a show called South Park."
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"Tell us a little about yourselves."
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"I met Matthew at the University of Colorado in film school."
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"I actually met him in beginning filmmaking."
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"I found someone who could make me laugh, even when I felt like crying."
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"Guys, who would you say are your role models?"
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"I'd have to say my biggest role model is Matt."
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"...for his work with the Rough Riders."
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"Tell us about this episode."
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"It's called "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe." It's our favorite."
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"Kyle's brother Ike is abducted by aliens..."
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"...and Cartman has strange things implanted in his ass."
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"The reason this episode is old Scratch's favorite..."
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"...is because it's the only episode we animated all by ourselves."
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"This was the pilot, done before we had a series..."
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"For several months, we were locked into a cold, dark, little room..."
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"Neither of us have children."
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"The only family we have is each other and old Scratch."
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"- We're not married yet. - We can't even get dates."
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"The truth is, until we have children, we won't know whether we'll kick them."
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"You write alien-encounter material with a certain knowledge."
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"Have either of you actually been abducted?"
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"Trey, it's okay. Go ahead and tell them."
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"I grew up near South Park, so I was abducted as a small child."
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"I remember the experience. I remember how horrible it was."
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"I remember too much."
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"Damn it! My little brother's trying to follow me to school again."
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"Ike, you can't come to school with me."
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"- Go home, you little dildo. - Dude, don't call my brother a dildo."
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"- Well, what? - I'm not telling you."
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"Yeah, that's what Kyle's little brother is, all right."
South Park
"Looks like you didn't get much sleep."
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"- I had these bogus nightmares. - Really? What about?"
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"Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed, in the dark..."
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"...I was being dragged through a hallway."
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"- Dude, visitors! - What?"
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"Shut up. You're trying to scare me, and it's not working."
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"- Bean casserole or vegetable medley. - Kick ass."
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"Did any of you see the alien spaceship last night?"
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"Yeah, fat boy saw it."
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"That was just a dream. And I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!"
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"Was it the ones with the big heads and black eyes?"
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"- They took him on their ship. - Did they give you an anal probe?"
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"What's that?"
South Park
"That's when they put a metal hoop up your butt."
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"- They gave you an anal probe, Cartman? - No! I mean, why would they do that?"
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"- Anal probe. - Shut up, dildo!"
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"I gotta get to the cafeteria. Watch that fat boy, now."
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"They were real. Sorry about your ass."
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"Goddamn it, they didn't do anything to my ass! It was just a dream."
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"- Good morning, Mrs. Crabtree. - Sit down, we're late!"
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"- He's still there. - Don't worry."
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"If something happens to him, my parents will blame me."
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"Sit down back there!"
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"- Whatever, you fat bitch. - What did you say?!"
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"I said, I have a bad itch."
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"Oh, my God!"
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"You have to stop this bus!"
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"- Do you want an office referral? - No."
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"- We have to do something. - We can't."
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"- I said that rabbits eat lettuce. - Well, yes, they certainly do."
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"You farted."
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"At this rate, all my cattle will die before the winter's through."
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