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Clips from The Simpsons - Warrin' Priests (S31E31)

"we can bring Heaven here while we're still alive."
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"There's a Chinese proverb about Heaven and Hell."
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"They say Hell is a long table like this, full of food,"
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"but everybody's starving because they have these long chopsticks,"
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"This is the worst Year of the Ox ever."
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"But in the proverb, Heaven is the exact same table, same food,"
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"same long chopsticks, but everybody's happy and fat"
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"because they're feeding each other."
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"Did you hear the one about the Greek-Jewish wedding?"
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"They didn't know whether to break the plates"
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"or the glasses!"
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"(congregation booing)"
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"Yes, why don't you take your cultural insensitivity"
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"back to the Spanish Inquisition you came from?"
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"I've lost them."
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"You never had us."
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"Timothy, the church council wants to thank you"
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"for your many years of..."
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"Incompetence!"
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"(gasps)"
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"Knock his frock off."
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"We like the new guy in his tight jeans."
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"Do not resuscitate your career."
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"What are you saying? You're firing me?"
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"We don't want any trouble."
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"Timothy."
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"Now the collar."
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"And any water you turned into holy water"
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"is once again regular water."
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"Nothing but tap."
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"Did you know Bode has 22,000 YouTube subscribers?"
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"Our church could go viral."
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"Ugh. Close window."
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"(chuckles): Now you gave him a thumbs-up."
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"Stop telling me what I just did."
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"You just gave him an eggplant emoji."
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"Well, at least that can't be misconstrued."
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"Wait a minute."
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"The Internet can help me. Help me find something on him."
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"I'll have to try Bing."
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"Sorry, I was asleep."
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"Do you really want to use us?"
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"Yes."
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"Hmm. Nothing."
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"But I'm not licked."
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"Pack your bags, Helen."
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"Reverend? We're here for a little counseling?"
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"Well, I'd be happy to."
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"But you're already with the best counselor there is."
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"-Your partner. -Wait."
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"But Marge always told me"
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"communication is bad for a marriage."
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"You said what was good?"
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"You just have to know what it's like"
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"Literally. Put on each other's shoes."
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"Right now."
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"HOMER: All right. They..."
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"(grunting)"
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"Your shoes are so tight."
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"And you do so much work."
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"You're an angel."
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"And your shoes are so heavy."
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"I never realized you carried around so much."
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"But what about the fact that he sold our house?"
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"-Um, may I interject? -Sure."
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"I've seen your house. It'll never pass inspection."
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"-Are you sure? -Piece of crap."
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"Thank you, Reverend. Mmm, mmm."
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"Lisa. What brings you here?"
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"Sure. Make yourself at om."
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"(laughs): Wow! As meditation jokes go..."
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"That's the only meditation joke I've ever heard."
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"Alexa, play Meditation Jam."
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"(new age music playing)"
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"You know, science calls it consciousness,"
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"(inhales) Breathe, Lisa."
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"Saw the button, huh?"
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"HELEN: Tim,"
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"we could go to Mackinac Island."
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"They have the longest hotel porch in the world."
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"It's always the big verandas with you, isn't it, Helen?"
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"You've done something to this town"
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"I never thought could happen."
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"A full-blown religious revival."
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"Yeah, let these warm your insides"
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"as the words of St. Paul warm your soul, there."
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"(clears throat) Dear Ephesians--"
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"and I'm, of course, paraphrasing here--"
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"I'll frickin' do it."
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"-Amen. -Amen."
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"(chuckles): Hey, I'm-I'm not trying to change any minds."
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"I'm just trying to start a conversation."
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"It doesn't look like much till you shake it up a little."
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"Or else what?"
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"Or Rabbi Mankiewicz will, dude."
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"And I have trouble making that "cch" sound."
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"Okay? Pick one of those."
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"and you'll feed him dirt for a lifetime."
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"Vengeance is mine, sayeth the me."
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"Oh, I hope part two is about my rescue."
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"ANNOUNCER: Next week on "Warrin' Priests Part Two...""
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"on the collar of a man who used to preach here,"
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"Bode Wright."
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"You, sir, have challenged me on scripture."
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"then let us make a joyful noise"
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"-unto the Lord. -Good."
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"Yarr, activism means nothing"
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"ANNOUNCER: Next week on The Simpsons."
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"(jazz music playing)"
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"Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH"
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"ALL: And also with you."
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"-to the church in town. -Church?"
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"You shall bore me no more! (grunts)"
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"I don't think so."
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"Disco S is quite a mess."
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"And those two just came here to make out."
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"Save your voice, Reverend."
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""Amazing Grace"? You all know that one."
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"¶ 'Twas blind, but now I see. ¶"
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"and He made the weeds, too."
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