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Clips from Glee - Puppet Master (S05E05)

"Welcome, teen delinquents, to detention, AKA "The Beck-fast Club,""
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"named after Miss Becky Jackson,"
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"who has been here more than any other student."
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"Yeah, why is that?"
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"Jacob X. Puckerman, you were caught red-handed starting another"
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"exciting yet forbidden fistfight in the William McKinley High School hallways."
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"Why are you such a mysterious musical bad boy?"
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"It is now 4:01."
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"You have exactly eight hours to ponder the horrific"
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"error of your pubescent ways."
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"There will be no talking and no monkeyshines, is that clear?"
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"Crystal."
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"You know, maybe we could use this time"
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"to get to know each other a little better."
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"We could sit in a circle on the floor and tell each other"
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"about our core wounds."
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"Or you shut your hole."
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"I'm going to college soon, I don't have time for your lame-ass bull crap."
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"But that was totally inappropriate."
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"Please come sit with me."
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"Sometimes I fly off the handle."
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"Like yesterday, when I taped Dottie's buns together."
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"I did it for my old man."
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"I wanted him to think I was cool."
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"That's really heavy, Becky. Thanks for sharing."
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"What's going on with you, Blaine?"
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"Well, to tell the truth, guys, I feel really, really guilty about"
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"Why? It's a stupid cover band."
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"And, dude, you go to New York all the time... you were just there last week."
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"True. But Kurt needs me."
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"- We all need you, because you are so awesome. - Yeah,"
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"you're America's gay sweetheart."
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"Thanks, guys."
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"You guys are, like, my only real friends."
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"But we're not real; we're puppets."
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"Maybe that's a bad thing."
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"Maybe the fact that I can only really feel like myself"
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"with friends I can totally control is keeping me"
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"from really feeling like I'm close to anyone."
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"Maybe it's indicative of a deeper intimacy issue."
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"Or maybe everyone should just wise up"
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"and start doing everything you se, because you are so right on all the time."
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"By the way, did you notice you're"
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"now having puppet fantasies outside the choir room?"
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"That's not normal."
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"Seriously, you might want to get a CAT scan."
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"Hello, hello. Wake up. Hey."
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"Will you cover for me, please? I've got to leave early."
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"Uh, y-yeah, sure. Why?"
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"It's not important. Later."
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"Hey, so, are you ready to go?"
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"No need. The crimson tide is rolling again."
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"I got my period."
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"I'm not pregnant."
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"I guess I was just late... this month."
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"Are you serious? That's awesome news."
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"Oh, I am so relieved. You're relieved?"
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"Why? I was the one who had to go to the doctor visit."
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"No, I just mean that I'm relieved that the whole thing"
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"is over, you know, for the both of us."
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"Let me hit you with the blunt instrument of reality, Puckerman."
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"You're still you, a douchey playboy who's gonna spend the rest of his life"
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"dealing with one mess after another as long as he lives."
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"One of these days, you are gonna knock someone up, and I feel bad"
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"for whoever has to have a child that shares your DNA."
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"Hey, I'm gonna make a great father one day."
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"To who?"
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"Your seven kids by seven different women?"
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"Not unless you change."
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"Bree, look, I'm sorry, okay? I know this whole thing was really scary"
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"- and traumatic... - Just do me a favor and stay away from me from now on."
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"You're toxic."
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"Little known fact?"
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"McKinley saved a bundle on new lockers by using recycled metal."
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"These lockers are actually Kalashnikovs"
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"that were melted down during the war in Chechnya."
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"Uh, Principal Sylvester, Yes. I owe you an apology. I..."
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"I get in "business mode," and I may not be that observant, so I... Well, I..."
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"might've overlooked your more... feminine side."
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"Oh. No worries, Superintendant."
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"No worries."
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"Please."
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"And this... is the choir room of McKinley's pride and joy,"
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"our national championship glee club, the New Directions."
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"Attention, McKinley School Board, Sue Sylvester has put our children"
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"in grave danger."
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"There is a gas leak in this room"
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"that is a direct result of Sue Sylvester's failed leadership!"
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"No, there was a gas leak in this room, but I fixed it."
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"I know a gas-induced fantasy dance sequence"
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"when I experience one."
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"Janitor Figgins, I found the problem, I corrected it"
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"and now I'm cutting your pay in half."
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"Principal Sylvester, we've seen enough."
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"Yours is precisely the type of leadership this school needs."
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"The board would like to make you principal on a permanent basis."
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"Oh!"
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"Congratulations, Sue."
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"Oh, thank you so much, Superintendant."
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"How about we go out and celebrate?"
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"Excuse me?"
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"Would you like to go out on a date with me?"
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"Um... no."
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"I don't want to do that."
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"Am I okay?"
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"I mean, is this what it feels like to be losing your mind?"
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"I'm unraveling."
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"I feel like Mel Gibson in The Beaver."
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"More like Mel Gibson in Mad Max,"
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"with your abs and your... leather."
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"Wait, what leather?"
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"The leather I was imagining you in"
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"when I was rubbing vapor cream all over your smooth... hairless... chest."
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"Tina, I'm engaged."
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"- Hey, what's going on? - Uh... nothing. I'm-I'm just, um, cleaning my head out."
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"Just trying to figure some stuff out."
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"Is that supposed to be me?"
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"What?! That's... that-that's crazy."
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"She has Asian eyes and my exact dress."
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"Total coincidence."
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