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Clips from Peep Show - Gym (S04E04)

"It's all arranged, Jeremy, it's an arranged marriage."
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"He sent me a greetings card with a pre-printed message"
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"This is my chance to be a proper human being."
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"'Like that's ever going to happen.'"
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"and then she'll tell Sophie. What am I going to do, Jez?"
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"Maybe I'll tell Nancy Matt's got Aids."
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"Then she'd say, "Sorry," and he'd say, "Why?""
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"It's like a prison yard in here."
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"Sorry."
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"Yeah, get rid of Matt, Fast, before Nancy asks him out."
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"We need a clever plan. What word de Botton do?"
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"Kill him."
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"There's an incinerator round the back of the gym."
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"De Botton wouldn't kill, we're not going to kill him."
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"That's not beyond the realms of possibility."
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"He'd definitely get the sack for that."
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"Yes, could work."
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"Although, I suppose, I mean..."
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"one of us would have to..."
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"No, just lie."
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"Shame in a way, because I've always kind of wanted to poo in a pool."
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"Really? I did not know that about you."
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"I really don't feel comfortable about this, Jez."
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"It'll be fine, just follow my lead."
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"Oh, sorry to keep you, Mr Corrigan."
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"'Well, this is going to be incredibly painful,"
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"'but at least I'm doing the right thing. Sort of.'"
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"'Oh, my God! He actually... He couldn't resist!"
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"Well, I didn't actually see him, but I... I have my suspicions."
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"He did?"
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"Yes, he said he loves to do that."
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"My apologies. But I'm sure we can straighten this out."
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"(Jez) 'Not straighten out. Sack the innocent man.'"
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"There was that other thing."
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"Yes, the other thing."
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"About your knob?"
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"Oh, er... yes, erm..."
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"I didn't want to mention that, but..."
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"Karen, could you ask Matt Townsend to come to my office immediately?"
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"They say I did a poo in the pool?"
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"And I... And I touched him?"
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"Can you describe exactly what happened, Mr Corrigan?"
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"Um, well, he was giving me a massage"
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"and he was going up my legs and my thighs"
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"and then he rubbed my penis quite a bit."
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"And I said stop, but he wouldn't stop."
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"Mark, why are you saying this?"
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"- I don't understand. - Because... Because it's true."
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"Please, don't do this, this is my career."
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"You should have thought about that when you were touching his cock."
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"(Mark) 'Oh, God, this is all so horrible."
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"'Maybe it would have been simpler just to kill him."
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"Oh, Nance, he's a pool pooer. You know what that means?"
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"Right, I'm gonna beat your ass, Corrigan."
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"'Maybe I'll look back and say judo brought us together."
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"'and get married in judo suits and I'll cut the cake with my hand."
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"I thought you weren't working here any more."
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"I can still come to classes. Do you mind if I cut in?"
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"Oh, no, I'm a complete beginner so..."
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"Leave me alone."
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"Mark, just fight him, he's not going to hurt you."
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"He is going to hurt me."
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"You're pathetic, Corrigan. Do you know that?"
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"A pathetic, flabby worm."
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"It's all right, Jez, use your woman as a human shield."
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"Matt, violence never solved anything."
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"Love thy neighbour as thyself."
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"Yeah, exactly. Fuck off."
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"You can't hide there forever."
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"He thinks we can't hide here forever."
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"Everybody's coming to get me"
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"I'm just joining a gym."
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"because I'm going out to collect some dog shit."
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"OK, yeah."
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"Are you not taking a shower?"
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"I got a bit drunk and posted that stuff to Big Suze,"
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"'but I don't want to distract him from this massive dawning realisation.'"
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"Still, if it's unwritten..."
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"Can you give me another guest pass?"
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"'Eugh! It's like he's got one hand on my body and the other in my brain."
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"'I get my brain training from Sudoku and Alain de Botton's weekly podcasts.'"
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"'that would be nice for them.'"
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"- Hi, Nancy. - Jeremy."
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"God, I'd really love to bone him."
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"'Hey, Nancy, I fancy your friend, then, oh shit,"
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"I'm getting a whole new view of life. The other side of the potato."
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"I've been thinking about what we discussed, and..."
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"Why don't we all go to the cinema?"
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"And you are?"
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"Yeah, she says she's seen you looking at her and she thinks you're disgusting."
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"Um, yeah."
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"'Brilliant. She's located my bunker and now she's invading."
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"'and a sincere desire to spend time with me.'"
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"Jeremy. Where's Eva?"
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"SHE GIGGLES"
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"I probably shouldn't tell you."
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"Oh, come on, please."
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"Men do and say horrible things."
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"Going to the pub with Jeremy."
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"You need some options now things are going down the shitter with Sophie."
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"then I can have the one affecting you as dessert."
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"What about all my fuck-monkey stuff?"
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"I'm depressed."
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"And now Matt's going to spill the beans to Sophie or to Nancy"
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"And she'd say, "I thought you had Aids.""
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"An evil Alain de Botton?"
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"Remember? What you told me?"
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"He's here, too."
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"She must come in soon."
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"I can't believe he'd say that."
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"My dad literally congratulated me, Jez."
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"We need to get rid of Matt."
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"No goals really, apart from"
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"'I should do something."
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"Yep, fine. Sure."
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"'It's what I said about her trainers."
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"It's not interesting."
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"MOBILE RINGS"
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"'Physical wellbeing, the perfect alibi.'"
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"Er, it's Matt, isn't it."
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