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Clips from NewsRadio - The Cane (S02E02)

to have a new two-minute feature every hour.

"to have a new two-minute feature every hour."

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Dave? Dig in.

"Dave? Dig in."

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And he comes out swinging.

"And he comes out swinging."

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What did you say?

"What did you say?"

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Oh, you do, do you?

"Oh, you do, do you?"

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You got any ideas of your own?

"You got any ideas of your own?"

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Uh, yes, I do.

"Uh, yes, I do."

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how to produce his own segments.

"how to produce his own segments."

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This was my idea,

"This was my idea,"

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but Lisa really helped me to really flush it out.

"but Lisa really helped me to really flush it out."

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No, they were key points.

"No, they were key points."

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Aww, gee. What the hell kind of fun is this?

"Aww, gee. What the hell kind of fun is this?"

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I'm all geared up for kick boxing,

"I'm all geared up for kick boxing,"

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and you give me synchronized swimming.

"and you give me synchronized swimming."

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that we could get a lot more accomplished

"that we could get a lot more accomplished"

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is that because of your personal relationship,

"is that because of your personal relationship,"

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You see the value in non-competitive cooperation.

"You see the value in non-competitive cooperation."

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but I tell you what. Do me a favor.

"but I tell you what. Do me a favor."

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completely separate.

"completely separate."

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Yeah, and I try to keep my dogs off the sofa,

"Yeah, and I try to keep my dogs off the sofa,"

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but do you know what makes this country great?

"but do you know what makes this country great?"

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If Henry Ford and John Chrysler had been sleeping together,

"If Henry Ford and John Chrysler had been sleeping together,"

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hell, we'd be all traveling around

"hell, we'd be all traveling around"

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in horse buggies.

"in horse buggies."

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I hired you two guys because you are fighters,

"I hired you two guys because you are fighters,"

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not lovers.

"not lovers."

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that Dave is not crazy about.

"that Dave is not crazy about."

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All right. I'll tell you what, kids.

"All right. I'll tell you what, kids."

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I got to get out of here.

"I got to get out of here."

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Where are you going, sir?

"Where are you going, sir?"

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I don't know.

"I don't know."

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Maybe we should go back to your place

"Maybe we should go back to your place"

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Something like that.

"Something like that."

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Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey."

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but I do know

"but I do know"

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we'd still be driving around in a horse and buggy.

"we'd still be driving around in a horse and buggy."

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There's no such person as John Chrysler.

"There's no such person as John Chrysler."

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Oh, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

"Oh, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute."

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Is he, by any chance, related to Jack Chevrolet?

"Is he, by any chance, related to Jack Chevrolet?"

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John Chrysler.

"John Chrysler."

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Come on, we'd better get out of here, dude.

"Come on, we'd better get out of here, dude."

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Oh, Bill. Great.

"Oh, Bill. Great."

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I wanted to apologize

"I wanted to apologize"

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for accusing you of stealing my cane.

"for accusing you of stealing my cane."

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Although we've only

"Although we've only"

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a short amount of time,

"a short amount of time,"

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I've always known you to be fair and honest.

"I've always known you to be fair and honest."

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Now, those are good qualities, Dave,

"Now, those are good qualities, Dave,"

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Bill, it's not under my couch.

"Bill, it's not under my couch."

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Maybe not under the edge of the couch.

"Maybe not under the edge of the couch."

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Okay, Bill. For the last time,

"Okay, Bill. For the last time,"

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I did not take your cane.

"I did not take your cane."

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What's under here? It feels hollow.

"What's under here? It feels hollow."

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that you're making an ass of yourself.

"that you're making an ass of yourself."

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Okay, I'm sorry.

"Okay, I'm sorry."

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I guess my cane is lost,

"I guess my cane is lost,"

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and I'll just have to accept that

"and I'll just have to accept that"

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I did what?

"I did what?"

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you moved in front of the window

"you moved in front of the window"

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as if you were protecting something.

"as if you were protecting something."

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Okay, Bill, I'm asking you to leave.

"Okay, Bill, I'm asking you to leave."

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You taped it to the side of the building

"You taped it to the side of the building"

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or under the windowsill.

"or under the windowsill."

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Okay, Bill,

"Okay, Bill,"

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I'll leave,

"I'll leave,"

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but first, I'm looking out that window.

"but first, I'm looking out that window."

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Bill, you're going to feel pretty stupid

"Bill, you're going to feel pretty stupid"

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It's out there. I know it's out there.

"It's out there. I know it's out there."

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I stole your cane.

"I stole your cane."

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I don't know why I did it,

"I don't know why I did it,"

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and again, I'm sorry, Bill.

"and again, I'm sorry, Bill."

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No, this is.

"No, this is."

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Ah, but you knew I was going to do that.

"Ah, but you knew I was going to do that."

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No, that one caught me by surprise.

"No, that one caught me by surprise."

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Oh. Oh, well, uh...

"Oh. Oh, well, uh..."

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Mm-hmm.

"Mm-hmm."

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You do realize I'm just going to go

"You do realize I'm just going to go"

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Beth?

"Beth?"

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This one you can break later.

"This one you can break later."

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Here's one for the Hamptons.

"Here's one for the Hamptons."

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[♪]

"[♪]"

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Something wrong with your leg?

"Something wrong with your leg?"

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The cane.

"The cane."

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You see.

"You see."

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"everybody loves a clown,"

""everybody loves a clown,""

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with that thing.

"with that thing."

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if you promise to get back to work, okay?

"if you promise to get back to work, okay?"

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Well, work, work, work.

"Well, work, work, work."

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Hey, what's up?

"Hey, what's up?"

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He just needs to back off for a couple of days.

"He just needs to back off for a couple of days."

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Well, I guess Central Park must be just full

"Well, I guess Central Park must be just full"

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That was-- that was a hoot.

"That was-- that was a hoot."

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Why don't you just come up with some stuff on the fly?

"Why don't you just come up with some stuff on the fly?"

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Okay, Carol, bring in some cushions too.

"Okay, Carol, bring in some cushions too."

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Okey-doke, is everybody ready to, uh, do it to it?

"Okey-doke, is everybody ready to, uh, do it to it?"

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In which the listeners of our station

"In which the listeners of our station"

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No one comes, no one goes. You hear me?

"No one comes, no one goes. You hear me?"

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head straight home,

"head straight home,"

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pick something up on the fly.

"pick something up on the fly."

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We both know you took my cane.

"We both know you took my cane."

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What?

"What?"

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Okay. Matthew?

"Okay. Matthew?"

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Um, okay, well, this one is just a quickie,

"Um, okay, well, this one is just a quickie,"

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to be honest, I can't say I love it.

"to be honest, I can't say I love it."

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Well, I just think that subway updates

"Well, I just think that subway updates"

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and I always thought--

"and I always thought--"

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Thank you, Matthew.

"Thank you, Matthew."

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I was just getting in on the fun.

"I was just getting in on the fun."

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Do you have some keys?

"Do you have some keys?"

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Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot. I can't find the can opener.

"Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot. I can't find the can opener."

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Or am I just...

"Or am I just..."

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I had a thought that

"I had a thought that"

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I think it's a terrific idea.

"I think it's a terrific idea."

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Oh, well, okay.

"Oh, well, okay."

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No, I made one or two very minor--

"No, I made one or two very minor--"

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Well, Dave and I decided

"Well, Dave and I decided"

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Well, that may work wonders in the bedroom,

"Well, that may work wonders in the bedroom,"

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Keep that kind of crap out of my office.

"Keep that kind of crap out of my office."

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Uh, well, for the record, sir, we really do try

"Uh, well, for the record, sir, we really do try"

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How angry are those ideas going to make me?

"How angry are those ideas going to make me?"

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