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Clips from Parks and Recreation - Ron and Tammy (S02E02)

"To exes. May they always stay that way."
Parks and Recreation
"Tammy is a mean person."
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"Every time she laughs, an angel dies."
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"She works for the library."
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""our hearts, and most importantly, our shoes.""
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"This truly is a day of mixed emotions for me."
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"Well, I've been listening to your boring speeches for the last 50 years,"
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"and I've come to the conclusion that I've completely wasted mine."
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"And just for the record, I never ever liked being called "Old Gus.""
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"I didn't understand it when I was in my 20s, and I sure hate it now."
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"So go to hell, every single one of you."
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"Screw Pawnee, and screw your damn shoes."
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"Oh, God. That's classic."
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"So, I propose that we change our name from"
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"April, stop that. Who are you texting?"
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"She's texting me."
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"I'm sorry you're bored."
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"Uh, hey, everyone. Oh, hey, Ann."
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"Leslie, can I talk to you for a minute?"
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"Absolutely, chief. Okay."
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"Would you rather be able to fly, or speak fluent French?"
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"- Donna, go. - French."
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"but another department filed a planning claim for Lot 48."
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"Damn it. The library?"
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"Yeah, you're right. Thanks for pulling me out of there."
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"I need a good plan though. I don't want to cause a panic."
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"News flash, we're screwed. We got a big problem with the library."
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"Punk-ass book jockeys."
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"Wait. Why do we hate the library?"
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"The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history."
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"They're mean, conniving, rude, and extremely well read,"
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"- What? - Get out of here."
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"- A new branch? - Jerks."
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"- You're kidding. - Oh, I hate them."
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"Okay. We need to make contact with someone there."
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"Does anybody know anybody that works at the library?"
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"Well, we actually kind of do."
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"Ron's ex-wife? That's terrific."
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"Of course. That bitch of an ex-wife is working for the library now."
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"The worst person in the world working at the worst place in the world."
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"I have to go talk to her. And you got to give me something I can use."
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"Does she have any weaknesses?"
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"No."
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"Not machines."
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"I honestly believe that she was programmed by someone from the future"
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"so I was hoping that there was one that you got along with and..."
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"Nope. I hate them both."
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"On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rushed to my side,"
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"And in case something bad goes down, I wore my sharpest rings."
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"This one will tear you up."
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"You have a lot of nerve showing your face here."
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"You have overdue book fees totaling $3, missy."
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"- Leslie, no... - And I'll see you in hell."
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"Leslie, Leslie, Leslie. I'm just kidding."
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"My gosh, I mean, you did have $3 worth of fines, but I cleared them."
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"I know this is a trap. But I don't know how."
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"What do you say, sir? Ma'am? Shoeshine? I won't look up your skirt."
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"Ann. Whoa. Oh, my gosh."
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"Crazy. What are you doing? It's me. It's Andy."
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"Hi, Andy."
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"So, Ann, how you been?"
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"Not a lot of customers, huh?"
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"Whoa, Mark. You want those shoes shined?"
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"I'll give you a discount because you're a friend of Ann's."
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"Well, I'm more than a friend of Ann's."
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"Not for long."
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"Sorry?"
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"I don't know. At least he finally has a real job."
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"When we were dating, the only job he had"
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"I probably wouldn't have gone through such a prolonged mall-slut phase."
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"Listen, you guys got there first."
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"Government gals."
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"So you talked to Tammy?"
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"She's changed, Ron. She's a different person."
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"Look at Mark and me. We slept together."
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"No."
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"Nothing good will come..."
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"She's here, isn't she?"
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"Hi, Ron."
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"Tammy."
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"Good. Good start."
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"Couldn't we go have a cup of coffee?"
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"Let's get this over with."
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"You're a miracle worker."
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"Oh."
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"and open a door to the possibility of friendship."
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"You were not here when Ron and Tammy got divorced. I was."
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"Yeah. And you just opened the gates to Crazytown."
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"Frankly, I think Ron was acting like a baby, a little bit."
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"I mean, what is he afraid of? Tammy's just a woman."
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"A nice woman. You know, she's not a murderer."
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"You son of a bitch."
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"What is your problem? Nothing's changed, has it?"
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"I did. Okay? Is that what you wanna hear?"
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"Fine. Take it easy. Oh, my God."
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"When you meddle in someone's personal life,"
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"it's just so rewarding."
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"Oh, God, yes. Oh, God."
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"- Oh, wow. - Yeah."
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"The usual place."
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"A knight without armor in a savage land"
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"Good morning, Jerry. That is a beautiful sweater vest."
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"Why?"
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"'Cause you're a kid, and kids always need money."
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"I need money."
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"Ha! That's why you're my favorite, Tom."
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"he wears a red shirt and black pants."
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"Good morning, Deputy."
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"Ron wears the same thing after he's had sex."
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"But this stock photo I bought at a framing store isn't real."
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"A naked Tammy made me breakfast this morning."
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"My girlfriend's ex is working 100 feet away from my desk,"
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"and he's been pretty clear about wanting her back."
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"What do I do with that?"
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"You should break up with her, and tell her to go out with me."
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"That's good. Can I ask you another question?"
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"Why did I come to you for advice?"
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"Okay. I think you should play this one cool, man."
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"Be the grown-up. Take the high road."
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"You've just made a surprising amount of sense, Tom. Thank you."
Parks and Recreation
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