Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S03E03)

"How about you, lronside? You rolling dirty?"
Archer (2009)
"Um..."
Archer (2009)
"Possibly. Well, then we're all screwed."
Archer (2009)
"Talking about the drug test, huh? Duh."
Archer (2009)
"Well, what if I told you I had a way to beat any drug test in the world?"
Archer (2009)
"Are you telling us that?"
Archer (2009)
"Yes. Well? What is it?"
Archer (2009)
"...and it's guaranteed to rid your body of all traces of any illicit substance."
Archer (2009)
"...at no small expense to myself."
Archer (2009)
"Ugh! How much? Hundred bucks each."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, come on! That's more than the drugs!"
Archer (2009)
"Or you can save your money and try your luck in the current job market."
Archer (2009)
"Non-sequential bills, please."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Well, then why not just say "kilometer"?"
Archer (2009)
"Cyril. He's actually just a distributor..."
Archer (2009)
"Cyril! Ooh! Hey, what's your problem?"
Archer (2009)
"My problem is I don't want a thousand steel balls to shred my genitals."
Archer (2009)
"...right at dick level. Jeezy Petes."
Archer (2009)
"Or ass level, which in your case would also take off your head."
Archer (2009)
"Organizational charts, inventory and cash-flow analyses, spreadsheets."
Archer (2009)
"You don't need a spreadsheet for that."
Archer (2009)
"And you don't need one to know you'll suck at being a field agent."
Archer (2009)
"So why do you wanna be one?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh. I don't know, I just wanna feel like I'm a part of the team, you know?"
Archer (2009)
"Wow, not afraid to dump out your purse in the jungle, huh?"
Archer (2009)
"In a potentially hostile environment like this, the key is total situational awareness."
Archer (2009)
"...and you remember to check your 6."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God. O'clock, Cyril. it means behind you."
Archer (2009)
"Because the last thing you want is-- Lana, hold up a sec."
Archer (2009)
"Ah. Archer, we don't have--"
Archer (2009)
"Archer! Don't yell at me."
Archer (2009)
"I looked away for literally one second."
Archer (2009)
"You're looking for Predator, aren't you?"
Archer (2009)
"Not totally. He has a telltale shimmer."
Archer (2009)
"Ow! And B, lower your freaking voice."
Archer (2009)
"Is that Cyril?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh. Goddamn it. Well, look on the bright side."
Archer (2009)
"Which is what? What's the bright side?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh. It's a figure of speech."
Archer (2009)
"All I'm saying is there's a million green rectangle-y reasons to complete the mission..."
Archer (2009)
"...and zero reasons not to."
Archer (2009)
"You mean besides Cyril getting captured? Besides that."
Archer (2009)
"And if Calzado's men got Cyril, we'll rescue him when we get Calzado."
Archer (2009)
"Problemo solved-o."
Archer (2009)
"What if it was PARC'? Or the ELN?"
Archer (2009)
"We'll use some of the million-dollar reward to pay his ransom."
Archer (2009)
"So shut up, Cyril's gonna be fine."
Archer (2009)
"Unless a tiger ate him. Tigers don't live in South America."
Archer (2009)
"Well, at least one does, because I just heard its spine-tingling roar."
Archer (2009)
"That was a jaguar, dumb-ass."
Archer (2009)
"Not every time. Like a third of the time."
Archer (2009)
"If this doesn't work, we just paid a hundred bucks for liquid fart."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, well, here's shit in your eye."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, God, it tastes worse than it smells."
Archer (2009)
"Man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a guy say that..."
Archer (2009)
"...I'd have eight nickels."
Archer (2009)
"LANA: Archer, I swear to God, if you don't shut up--"
Archer (2009)
"I'm just saying, if it comes down to that-- And I hope it doesn't."
Archer (2009)
"Our special guests must not be injured in any way."
Archer (2009)
"Uh, does that include rape-related injury?"
Archer (2009)
"Of course. No one is going to rape you. What is wrong with you?"
Archer (2009)
"No, heh-heh, I think not."
Archer (2009)
"I think you are hunting Romén Calzado in the hopes of a million-dollar reward."
Archer (2009)
"Okay, yes, busted again, but I think now we're kind of rethinking that, so--"
Archer (2009)
"So if I give you 2 million, will you go away and say you never found me?"
Archer (2009)
"L-- Oh, my God, totally, yes!"
Archer (2009)
"Uh, Calzado, you've got yourself a deal."
Archer (2009)
"Excellent. But of course I was joking."
Archer (2009)
"No! Yes, you can."
Archer (2009)
"Or choose not to, whatever."
Archer (2009)
"El contador? Doesn't that mean-J? CYRIL: The accountant, sf."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Cyril? Oof! Unh!"
Archer (2009)
"No, he said, uh, "cereal.""
Archer (2009)
"And people in hell want ice water."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God! I'm gonna die in a toilet stall, just like the gypsy said."
Archer (2009)
"Damn that Krieger. Nazi-clone bastard. Ah."
Archer (2009)
"Well, we don't know it was the the-- Aah!"
Archer (2009)
"Who the hell are you?!"
Archer (2009)
"I'm your friend, Pam, I'm-- Pam?"
Archer (2009)
"You're not my friend. You're a Decepticon. CHERYL: Aah!"
Archer (2009)
"How are you both still alive?!"
Archer (2009)
"The floor is lava! The floor is lava!"
Archer (2009)
"Clinical trial 13. Subjects' responses are exceeding expectations."
Archer (2009)
"Pam, you're melting! You're melting!"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, which reminds me: Call Terry."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: The tiger says..."
Archer (2009)
"The tiger also says you owe me $1000, so--"
Archer (2009)
"No, I don't, because I didn't bet."
Archer (2009)
"Bloop! The welsher says-- CYRIL: Psst!"
Archer (2009)
"No, that's a snake."
Archer (2009)
"Cyril, what the hell is going on? Are you a drug dealer now?"
Archer (2009)
"I had, um, gastric distress, or whatever, so I was just gonna duck off the trail."
Archer (2009)
"You remember to check your 6. My six what?"
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: Before I knew what was happening-.."
Archer (2009)
"And I only had a second to answer, so I thought, "What would Lana do?""
Archer (2009)
"Um, not Archer? No, I had to outsmart them."
Archer (2009)
"Archer. And then it came to me."
Archer (2009)
"What's a "La Sombra"?"
Archer (2009)
"No. Yes. But what about the gunshot?"
Archer (2009)
"La Sombra did not say you were coming."
Archer (2009)
"I assume he did not want to give you the time to cook your books."
Archer (2009)
"Well, then you are a fool."
Archer (2009)
"You pay La Sombra 64 cents on every dollar you make, no?"
Archer (2009)
"I can get that down to 30 cents, and he will never even know."
Archer (2009)
"Wait, what's in this for you?"
Archer (2009)
"We split the difference, of course."
Archer (2009)
"But first I need some clean clothes. This is not mud all over my pants."
Archer (2009)
"It's caca."
Archer (2009)
"Holy shit, Cyril. Heh. Literally."
Archer (2009)
"I kind of wish I'd skipped the diarrhea part."
Archer (2009)
"No, forget that, you did great! Really?"
Archer (2009)
"It figuratively kills me to say this, Cyril, but yeah, you did."
Archer (2009)
"So now what? What's the plan?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh. Well, I was hoping you guys could come up with something."
Archer (2009)
"And ideally before tomorrow at dawn."
Archer (2009)
"Ha, ha. Amigo, I was just mocking..."
Archer (2009)
"...this giant Negress and her sissy sidekick."
Archer (2009)
"Heh-heh-heh. Yes, they are ridiculous, no?"
Archer (2009)
"Are the accommodations to your liking? Honestly?"
Archer (2009)
"No. You shouldn't even keep animals in these conditions. Look at them."
Archer (2009)
Show more clips