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Clips from Scrubs - My Big Bird (S05E05)

"- [Cracking] - [Screams then grunts]"
Scrubs
"Ted?"
Scrubs
"who's fine and talking to you one minute..."
Scrubs
"... is dead the next."
Scrubs
"Well, if it isn't the Four Horsewomen of the Apocalypse."
Scrubs
"And here's the exciting news: I'm pretty sure it was one of you."
Scrubs
"[Dramatic classical music ringtone]"
Scrubs
"You really gotta change that cell phone ring."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] With morbidity and mortality conferences,"
Scrubs
"the first question sets the tone for the day."
Scrubs
"- Who the hell ate my scone? - That would be me."
Scrubs
"It was delicious. My compliments to the little lady."
Scrubs
"- I made those. - I know."
Scrubs
"Dorian, you admitted Mr. Foster with coughing and shortness of breath,"
Scrubs
"is that correct?"
Scrubs
"Yes."
Scrubs
"And then what happened?"
Scrubs
"Dorian. I'm ten feet away from you. Talk."
Scrubs
"Mr. Foster had recently flown to India where he had been exposed"
Scrubs
"to an outbreak of pertussis."
Scrubs
"So, Mr. Sutton, when you came in with heartburn,"
Scrubs
"I bet you thought I'd kick your butt out of here."
Scrubs
"because I had a hunch... and no girlfriend."
Scrubs
"But mostly it was the hunch."
Scrubs
"And that hunch paid off because, if I hadn't found that blocked artery,"
Scrubs
"Later, dude."
Scrubs
"OK, Turk, looks like someone's getting crossed off their 2:00 spot"
Scrubs
"and penciled in for never. How does that feel? Does it sting?"
Scrubs
"You guys, what would you do with a hundred million dollars?"
Scrubs
"So earlier that morning..."
Scrubs
"I'm just saying, think of what you could do with that kind of money."
Scrubs
"- I could get a trained shark. - Why?"
Scrubs
"Can opener!"
Scrubs
"- [Static click] - Save me a leg."
Scrubs
"I'm in."
Scrubs
"We could buy a lot more tickets if we collect money from everyone."
Scrubs
"But you see, I already set fire to a big pile of money just this morning."
Scrubs
"We have the same chance of winning as anyone else."
Scrubs
"And the category is... ding!"
Scrubs
"Things that have a better chance of happening than you winning."
Scrubs
"- Go! - Brain transplants,"
Scrubs
"Britney Spears having another hit,"
Scrubs
"the Rolling Stones going on a farewell tour and meaning it,"
Scrubs
"me caring about anything that happens on Wisteria Lane,"
Scrubs
"Jessica Simpson winning an Oscar, Jessica Alba winning,"
Scrubs
"Simpson becoming Alba-Simpson..."
Scrubs
"Anyway, that explains why I went into the room and said..."
Scrubs
"What would you do with a hundred million dollars?"
Scrubs
"- Me? Floating Head Doctor. - Here we go."
Scrubs
"Looking good, Mr. Henderson."
Scrubs
"Looking real good, Nurse Myers."
Scrubs
"- [Machine beeping] - Uh-oh."
Scrubs
"He's flatlining! Body, come!"
Scrubs
"[Bugle plays Reveille]"
Scrubs
"Damn it!"
Scrubs
"Ow!"
Scrubs
"There'd probably be some kinks to work out initially."
Scrubs
"Where is that whore?"
Scrubs
"- Who's a whore? - That'd be me, sir."
Scrubs
"Oh, of course. Would you care to elaborate?"
Scrubs
"See, yesterday, I went shoe shopping..."
Scrubs
"Jordan used to use that one on me all the time. Immune. Watch this."
Scrubs
"Satin panties."
Scrubs
"Mrs. Wilk, I just wanted to explain to you my behavior before."
Scrubs
"It's not like I was making out with some random guy."
Scrubs
"But this is different. Sure, it could get complicated. He has a son..."
Scrubs
"And a wife."
Scrubs
"I've been making out with a married man"
Scrubs
"while his sick child slept a few feet away."
Scrubs
"Oh, my God, I've become my mother."
Scrubs
"Hi. You said your wife was dead."
Scrubs
"Good guys don't lie about being single or about helicopter pilots."
Scrubs
"If you were a good guy, you would get in there and tell her what happened."
Scrubs
"- You're right. - Hell, yeah, I am."
Scrubs
"Wait, what?"
Scrubs
"No!"
Scrubs
"Whore!"
Scrubs
"I have to go to Mr. Sutton's and get the thank-you I deserve."
Scrubs
"You are so obsessing about this."
Scrubs
"Like the time you were convinced the cafeteria"
Scrubs
"They waffle-ironed my foot. This is different."
Scrubs
"- Look, I need a ride. - Pass."
Scrubs
"Oh, pass, huh? Well, this is what happened last time you passed."
Scrubs
"OK, put the foot away. Put the waffle foot away."
Scrubs
"This is where Sutton lives, right? Let's get in there."
Scrubs
"J. D..."
Scrubs
"[Stomach growl]"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] And there it was. Hope."
Scrubs
"Dr. Kelso's inability to deal with hunger was legendary."
Scrubs
"We were as good as home."
Scrubs
"I've heard enough. Let's call it and go to lunch."
Scrubs
"Perry, I'm in charge here."
Scrubs
"Everyone just stay right where you are"
Scrubs
"and we will be back in... two minutes."
Scrubs
"[J. D] One sandwich later, we got back into it."
Scrubs
"Well, sir, fortunately for us, ostriches are flightless birds."
Scrubs
"There goes the sentry."
Scrubs
"Every three minutes, like clockwork."
Scrubs
"Dude, can I admit something to you?"
Scrubs
"I kind of missed not getting my hug today."
Scrubs
"J.D. J.D. Oh, J.D.!"
Scrubs
"Thank God."
Scrubs
"It also says their kick can kill a man."
Scrubs
"[Growls]"
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"- [Thud] - [J.D. Screams]"
Scrubs
"Mr. Sutton, I hope this isn't a bad time."
Scrubs
"Who cares about Mr. Sutton?"
Scrubs
"So, Dr. Reid, you were covering Mr. Foster."
Scrubs
"Actually, sir, I was on my way to cover Mr. Foster,"
Scrubs
"but then I stopped in Mrs. Wilk's room and..."
Scrubs
"- Yeah, I see her. - I made out with her husband."
Scrubs
"That's disgusting."
Scrubs
"OK, just get out of here and do PFTs on Mr. Foster."
Scrubs
"- [Beeping] - [Man] You may kiss the bride."
Scrubs
"Whoa, save it for tonight, big guy."
Scrubs
"Why did I make him Jewish? My parents will kill me."
Scrubs
"Why ostriches?"
Scrubs
"And they're kinda like my children."
Scrubs
"Look, Mr. Sutton, you're wondering why I'm here."
Scrubs
"You OK? Did you try and escape?"
Scrubs
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