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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Transporter Malfunction (S05E05)

"Yeah, sure. How are things going?"
The Big Bang Theory
"We hit a couple of bumps."
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"She lives over in Manhattan Beach, so it takes like an hour to get there."
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"And she's a lesbian."
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"What do you mean, a lesbian?"
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"Well, you know whenever you and I would try to hit on women in bars..."
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"...they'd blow us off, then we'd tell each other they were gay?"
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"Except this time, it's true."
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"- Why did she even go out with you? - She was looking for a husband..."
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"...so she can appear to be straight."
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"And, you know, it sounded crazy to me at first..."
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"Okay. Well, so the reason that might sound crazy is because it's crazy!"
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"Look, Howard, you're in a relationship."
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"You know you have to make compromises."
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"...or whose turn it is to do the laundry, Bernadette's or my mom's."
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"It's a great deal. We both get our parents off our backs."
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"I don't have to come home to an empty apartment."
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"Plus, once I'm married, I can finally eat carbs again and let myself go."
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"Why don't you tell your parents you wanna try to find someone else?"
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"You know, one who hasn't slept with more women than you."
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"I might never find another one who does."
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"You're thinking about marrying someone you're never gonna have sex with?"
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"I can't believe your attitude."
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"I thought you were in favor of gay people getting married."
The Big Bang Theory
"Yes, to other gay people."
The Big Bang Theory
"Do you hear how homophobic you sound?"
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"Oh, I don't want a broken toy."
The Big Bang Theory
"Just relax, I'm just looking at the box."
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"You should look with your eyes and not your muscular Nebraska man-hands."
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"What is your problem?"
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"My problem is that I don't want you to break Leonard's toy..."
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"I didn't want it to sit in this box."
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"You know what? You're right."
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"I mean, it's from you. I'm never gonna sell it."
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"- I'm opening it. - Yes."
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"- It's broken. - What?"
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"I didn't break it."
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"I guess Stuart sold it to me like this."
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"Yes. Yes, he did."
The Big Bang Theory
"That is a perfectly satisfying and plausible explana..."
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"Yours was broken in an earthquake and that's a lie."
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"What is the truth?"
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"My Mr. Spock doll came to me in a dream and forced me to open it."
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"And when the toy broke, I switched it for yours."
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"Later, he encouraged me to do the right thing and I defied him."
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"- Okay, that I believe. - Mm."
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"Leonard, Penny, I want you both to know..."
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"...that I regret my actions towards the two of you. That's a lie."
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"So is that one mine?"
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"- Yes. - Well, hand it over so I can open it."
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"And, Leonard, even though I don't have one anymore..."
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"- ...I hope you have fun playing with it. - That's a lie?"
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"- A big, fat whopper. - Yeah."
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"I hope it breaks."
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"This is a treat. What brings you guys by?"
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"Raj, Howie told me what's going on with you and Lakshmi."
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"- You told her? - I told everybody."
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"We believe there's someone out there who'll love you for you."
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"But we both think you shouldn't marry this woman."
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"So while I'm waiting for this mysterious perfect match..."
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"...who may or may not exist, I'm supposed to just be alone?"
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"Not necessarily."
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"I think we found someone for you to cuddle with."
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"Oh, my goodness."
The Big Bang Theory
"Aren't you the cutest little Yorkie ever?"
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"- You got him for me? - Her."
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"We thought you two would hit it off."
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"I think we already have. Thank you guys so much."
The Big Bang Theory
"Let's go see if you fit in my man-purse."
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"Metrosexual, my ass."
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"Come on, who is it?"
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"I'm thinking double wedding."
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"The only logical explanation is that this is a dream."
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"You should be ashamed of yourself."
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"Fine. I will just use the Transporter."
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"...which you probably did by shaking it. She shook it, we all saw her."
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"- Uh, nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too."
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"I'll do it."
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"You have to wake up first."
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"Sheldon, wait."
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"This is wrong, this is wrong. I'm so excited, but this is wrong."
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"Dr. Cooper?"
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"- What? - Nothing. I said nothing."
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"Yes!"
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"And it's been wonderful."
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"Well, I'm not going to dignify that with a response."
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"Because this one wants to marry me."
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"I don't know. I just think it's a waste."
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"Oh, nice job, man-hands."
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"- Well, you should talk to Stuart. - I can't, because that was a lie."
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"You know, let's all be mad at Stuart."
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"And then I was attacked by a Gorn."
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"Okay."
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"I paid a lot for this. Let's take it over there and show him."
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"We told you, you don't. It's mint-in-box."
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"...and it was already broken, so I switched them."
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"- That was weird. - Really? I don't even notice anymore."
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"Absolutely."
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"I opened my own toy..."
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"Ahh, I cannot believe you guys aren't gonna play with these."
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"- Why would you open mine? - I didn't. That was a lie."
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"Wait."
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"...discovered it was broken, and didn't tell you."
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"It was me."
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"I opened your toy..."
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