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Clips from South Park - Helen Keller! The Musical (S04E04)

"- Yeah, we can't. - All right! All right! Quiet down!"
South Park
"Look, we've still got four days until the Thanksgiving festival."
South Park
"That's plenty of time to revamp our play!"
South Park
"Revamp how? The rules are that the fourth grade class"
South Park
"but how do we make the Helen Keller story more Thanksgivingy?"
South Park
"I know! How about instead of a dog, Helen Keller has a pet turkey?"
South Park
"- Yeah! A turkey that can do tricks! - Yeah!"
South Park
"That's the spirit, gang! All right, Stan and Wendy, you go out"
South Park
"This is gonna be the best version of The Miracle Worker ever!"
South Park
"Oh, that one's a little messed up. Not exactly the pick of the litter."
South Park
"Timmy, if we go back to the other kids with that turkey they're gonna be pissed."
South Park
"I was just about to take it out in the yard and put a bullet in its head."
South Park
"- What? Dude, don't say that! - Timmy! Timmy!"
South Park
"- All right, we'll take him. How much? - Fifty bucks."
South Park
"I've got a one-legged pig if you'd like, too."
South Park
"Guys, I want you all to meet Jeffrey Maynard."
South Park
"- For five weeks! - Wow!"
South Park
"Do you think we can make up a good Thanksgiving play in four days?"
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"I would swear it on my life Your play shall want for nothing"
South Park
"Now, the first thing any good musical needs is a big opening number!"
South Park
"Something that sets up the entire show."
South Park
"All right! Places everybody! Bring in the turkey!"
South Park
"- What the hell is that? - It's a turkey."
South Park
"Gobbles!"
South Park
"Kyle, can I talk to you over here for a second?"
South Park
"Kyle, why do you do these things to me?"
South Park
"I didn't do anything to you! Timmy saw the turkey"
South Park
"You say, "No, Timmy, you can't have that turkey. Bad Timmy!""
South Park
"Look, I know it isn't exactly what we wanted, but maybe we can train it."
South Park
"- Better than the kindergartners'! - Yeah, that turkey sucks."
South Park
"A Thanksgiving turkey is what you require? I know of a turkey"
South Park
"During my years on Broadway I worked with a turkey"
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"that could do all kinds of tricks She even jumped through a hoop of fire"
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"Gobbles!"
South Park
"Gobbles!"
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"Gobbles!"
South Park
"Gobbles!"
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"Gobbles!"
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"for the opening song of our Helen Keller Thanksgiving Spectacular."
South Park
"I have to write these lyrics so the plight of Helen Keller can be realised"
South Park
"- By the common man! - Twenty more minutes, and that's it."
South Park
"Speak to me, Helen. Let me be your voice."
South Park
"'Cause it's sunny and there is no crime"
South Park
"And her parents can't even tell her"
South Park
"Excuse me, I am LaMond, the animal trainer."
South Park
"- Oh, cool He's here! - Awesome!"
South Park
"Do you have a turkey that can do tricks?"
South Park
"Do not call them tricks. She's a very sensitive turkey."
South Park
"She performs feats, not tricks."
South Park
"Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the most beautiful bird in America."
South Park
"Four time prize winner at the National Western Stock Show"
South Park
"- Wow! - Her feathers are beautiful!"
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"- That's the prettiest turkey I ever saw. - Of course she is."
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"Okay! Now we can really get this thing underway!"
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"- Yeah, and it's from Broadway! - Gobbles."
South Park
"Dude, don't forget, Timmy's the only kid who can play Helen Keller."
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"- Don't piss him off. - Yeah, that's right."
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"- Only Timmy knows the part. - Timmy."
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"My turkey does not work with other turkeys."
South Park
"All right, all right. All right, all right."
South Park
"She's not coming out. She's very upset. She's pooped all over the room."
South Park
"I know, I know, but listen, let me try to explain the position I'm in here."
South Park
"The retarded turkey belongs to our friend Timmy,"
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"- Kill the other turkey. - I can't, dude, Timmy has a boner for it."
South Park
"Well, it could meet with an unfortunate accident."
South Park
"Unfortunate accident? You mean like Geena Davis getting her own TV show?"
South Park
"It's very simple. Either that turkey meets with an unfortunate accident"
South Park
"or you don't have a feat-performing turkey"
South Park
"all over the dressing room and come out for rehearsal."
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"Water, Helen! It has a name! Oh, why can't you understand?"
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"Water, Helen! Water!"
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"She's never gonna do it! There's no way she'll ever do it!"
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"Spell it, Helen! Water, Helen!"
South Park
"Okay, I just want to adjust some of the blocking real quick. Let's see."
South Park
"Let's see. Maybe a little bit more up in..."
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"And just a wee bit over... And right about..."
South Park
"Crap, I must have rigged the wrong light."
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"Let him rest in peace"
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"Let him rest Why must he die?"
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"- They've got special effects! - What, Butters?"
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"The kindergartners!"
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"- Why, it's a regular feast for the eyes! - Oh, no!"
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"- We're never gonna outdo them now! - What are we gonna do?"
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"Gobbles! Gobbles!"
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"Yes, Tim."
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"I feel I must speak with you. The others, well, they don't want you"
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"- To Timmy? - I feel I'm the only one"
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"who can be honest with you."
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"The animal shelter is on its way to take your turkey away from you."
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"- Gobbles? - You see, they don't allow children"
South Park
"You can't take him running. You can't take care of him."
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"- They have to take it away. - Gobbles!"
South Park
"They take wild pets away from people like you."
South Park
"And hand them over for experiments."
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"And they're shocked, dissected and flayed while they're still alive."
South Park
"And no matter where you go, the shelter people will find you."
South Park
"The only way for that turkey to avoid years of torture is for you to let him go,"
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"back into the wild. Oh, no! Here they come now!"
South Park
"Quick, go and set your turkey free!"
South Park
"All right. I've got to write the new lyrics. Let's see."
South Park
"No, no! God damn it!"
South Park
"Terrible!"
South Park
"I can't write the lyrics for the third act. Nothing's coming to me!"
South Park
"Well, you know, in theatre sometimes we try different tricks"
South Park
"- To get the creative juices flowing. - Like what?"
South Park
"Hey, that's not a bad idea."
South Park
"Just relax, just try to let your mind wander and let the juices flow"
South Park
"- Oh, that's too bad. - Wait, I've got it! The perfect set-up"
South Park
"The only way for that turkey to avoid years of torture is for you to let him go."
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"Gobbles!"
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"Gobbles. Gobbles!"
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"Daddy, why did Mommy leave and go to heaven?"
South Park
"She didn't want to, Kevin. She had no choice."
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"But I miss her."
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"I've wasted it. I've wasted it."
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"Not ever telling you and Monica that I love you."
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"Because now, every time I look at you, I see her. I have to move on."
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"- Kelly, please, don't do this. I'm sorry! - Then why did you do it?"
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"- Where's your husband? - He's in the back."
South Park
"He set up a video camera so that he could tape the performance."
South Park
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