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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Subway Wars (S06E06)

"I'll crank up the smooth jazz."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Man] # Our hero's strength was fadin'fast #"
How I Met Your Mother
"# Just as the light #"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Elongated] # Turned #"
How I Met Your Mother
"# Green #"
How I Met Your Mother
"# He'd lost to a machine #"
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"Come on, Playboy Channel."
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"- # The stapler's mighty sting # - Oh!"
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"Come on, Spice Channel."
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"# The cable box's bite again #"
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"[Gasping]"
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"# Getting too tired #"
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"# To sing ##"
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"## [Smooth Jazz Continues]"
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"[Ted Narrating] Kids, that day I had a horrible realization."
How I Met Your Mother
"If you can't spot the crazy person on the bus..."
How I Met Your Mother
"it's you."
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"- Yay! - [All Cheering]"
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"The good news is I was halfway there, and nothing could stop me."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Marshall Screams] - [Lily] Hey, you..."
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"- This is crazy. - I can't believe it."
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"Okay, this is clearly a sign."
How I Met Your Mother
"Let's just call it a tie, forget about the race, head back to the bar."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] Just like that, the race was back on."
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"[Thuds]"
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"[Maury Povich] Idiot!"
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"[Ted Narrating] Meanwhile, one subway car over..."
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"[Chuckles]"
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"[Screaming]"
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"[Bell Dings]"
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"Oh, bite me! [Crying]"
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"[Bell Dings]"
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"Faster! Mush! Mush!"
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"I need this win. I need this win."
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"And firing half my department freed up the money to double my own salary."
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"And this chick from Boston was wicked hot in bed last night."
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"And I've got this amazing poker group."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] Actually, Barney did not need a win."
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"And I smell incredible!"
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"Smell me. Just... Here. Seriously, smell me."
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"[Ted Narrating] He did smell incredible."
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"Stop! Too slow. Switch."
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"[Grunting]"
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"Sweetie? Are you okay?"
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"I just wanna move somewhere new and start over."
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"- [Sighs] - You've had a rough year."
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"But you're tough, and I love you like crazy."
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"If-lf you left, I'd have to follow you."
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"And Marshall would follow me. And Ted would follow him."
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"The only upside is that we might get rid of Barney."
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"[Conductor On P. A: Muffled, Indistinct]"
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"- What did he say? - No clue."
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"- Hey, is that Maury Povich? - Where?"
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"Sorry, sweetie. I swear I'll be a great friend at the finish line."
How I Met Your Mother
"But the conductor just said you're going express to Borough Hall..."
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"which means you're screwed, sweetie!"
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"So long, sucker! Ha, ha, ha!"
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"Bring it in."
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"Damn it!"
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"Hey, it's Lily. Help me!"
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"And not a single passenger would listen to me."
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"I mean, am I a bad teacher?"
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"Do I just put people to sleep?"
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"- [Thudding] - Buddy."
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"Hey, buddy. Need a hand?"
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"[Screams] The machines have won!"
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"- The machines have won! - Dude, mellow!"
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"I can't do it. I can't run that far."
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"I can't outrace anything."
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"I-I can't... I can't get my wife pregnant!"
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"Wait. Is that what this whole stupid running thing has been about?"
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"My body's been letting me down..."
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"and I just wanted to prove that it could still do something, but it can't."
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"Dude, you've been trying for two months, not two years."
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"- That's nothing. - Well, you should talk."
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"You know, you're the one who's freakin' out because you have one mediocre review..."
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"and, like, 50 great ones."
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"Sixty-four, but whatever."
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"Sounds like you guys need to clear everything..."
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"subtract the negativity..."
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"and add some perspective."
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"Hello."
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"[Groaning]"
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"- Where are Marshall and Lily? - Who cares?"
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"[Grunting]"
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"[Gasping] I won? I won!"
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"- How did that even happen? - [Ted Narrating] Here's how it happened."
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"- Okay, he's in. Go. Go. Gun it. - What?"
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"- Ted is in the way. - Run him over."
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"- Running him over. - Lily, what the hell is the matter with you?"
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"Nothing. I just wanna win this really badly."
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"So badly that I just ditched my best friend when she needed me."
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"Oh, baby, you were also gonna run over Ted."
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"[Exhales] Why did I get so crazy about this?"
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"Oh, thank God. I keep thinking there's something wrong with me."
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"- I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. - It's only been two months."
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"- We are crazy! - We're totally crazy."
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"This is the last time it's ever gonna be just the two of us."
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"Shouldn't we be enjoying that?"
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"- We gotta go back to Paris. - And take ballroom dancing."
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"And really learn how to ski. Not just go up and get faced in the lodge."
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"See, we have a whole bucket list of things to do before we start having kids."
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"Ooh. A cradle list."
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"I'm so glad we're trying..."
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"and I'm gonna be really excited for when it happens..."
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"but this isn't a race."
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"This isn't a race."
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"Ranjit, screw Gregor's. Let's go to Coney Island."
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"Screwing Gregor's."
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"[Ted Narrating] As for how Robin beat me and Barney..."
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"- Who cares? - but here's what I saw."
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"I saw Barney notice Robin's face..."
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"and maybe realize something."
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"Barney says he tripped..."
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"but it sure felt like he tackled me on purpose."
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"And when Robin won, I could've sworn I saw him smile."
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"- I won! - No!"
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"So I said the cab, of course, because that makes complete..."
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"- [Max] Sure. - I know what you did back there."
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"Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
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