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Clips from Scrubs - My Dirty Secret (S03E03)

"- How are the new happy parents? - I'm living my dream."
Scrubs
"You make me want to kill myself and everybody around me."
Scrubs
"Come, Dixie."
Scrubs
"So, you and Jordan, huh? You wanna talk about it?"
Scrubs
"I do, but not here because I'll probably just cry,"
Scrubs
"I'm crying, it's too late."
Scrubs
"I swore I wouldn't do this."
Scrubs
"Come on, Perry. Get it together."
Scrubs
"You stop it."
Scrubs
"Come on, you idiot."
Scrubs
"- Are you two WASPs? - Episcopalian. Why?"
Scrubs
"You would veto the French Riviera for our honeymoon"
Scrubs
"I have a very sexy surprise for you."
Scrubs
"And I don't like that. There's not enough air."
Scrubs
"I've hallucinated. I spent a day inside that wall thinking I was a mermaid."
Scrubs
"and I won't have to waste a day granting the wishes of imaginary fishermen."
Scrubs
"Dude, I'm not scared of you. Life's too good."
Scrubs
"I'm untouchable."
Scrubs
"That's what I hoped you'd say."
Scrubs
"Dr Murphy, how about you start us off"
Scrubs
"by describing the medical condition of your patient Mr Aronson here?"
Scrubs
"He responded well to antibiotics"
Scrubs
"- Sorry, on his what? - His peepers."
Scrubs
"It's bad enough you run out on a patient in the middle of a pelvic exam,"
Scrubs
"but you are a doctor and you need to be able to say simple clinical words"
Scrubs
"Rats. Excuse my language, dear."
Scrubs
"I can see this conversation being riddled with that kind of talk."
Scrubs
"Perhaps you should wait out in the hallway."
Scrubs
"Sir, I know that it's cancer, but I'm not really worried."
Scrubs
"it hasn't spread to the lymph nodes, so it's still easily operable."
Scrubs
"There's an opening in surgery. I managed to jam you in."
Scrubs
"This is happening fast. You must have a lot of emotions swirling around."
Scrubs
"But if you have any questions at all, I'm here."
Scrubs
"What channel is that Queer Guy show on?"
Scrubs
"- Just great. - Hey, watch it."
Scrubs
"We've known each other for over two years. Let me in, OK?"
Scrubs
"Help me help you."
Scrubs
"Stop it. Fine, Newbie. Let me tell you a little story."
Scrubs
"that I'm considering hiring a stable boy."
Scrubs
"and, gosh, you know me, I'm a giver."
Scrubs
"But my pay is about the same as guys who breaks rocks with other rocks"
Scrubs
"Then I head back home, where I'm greeted by the faint musk of baby vomit"
Scrubs
"in a house that used to smell like, well, nothing."
Scrubs
"It used to smell like nothing at all."
Scrubs
"All I wanna do before I restart this whole glorious cycle is"
Scrubs
"lay on the couch and have a beer, watch some Sports Center,"
Scrubs
"That's easy. Just tell her about it. Tell her everything you feel."
Scrubs
"You don't wanna end up like the Randolphs back there,"
Scrubs
"You wish we were more like the Randolphs, don't you?"
Scrubs
"God save me, I do. I really do."
Scrubs
"So, here's your surprise. We'll be getting married in six months"
Scrubs
"and I just thought it would be so hot"
Scrubs
"if we didn't have sex again until our wedding night."
Scrubs
"Can you imagine how great that night will be?"
Scrubs
"How about you stop having sex but I keep having sex?"
Scrubs
"Turk, how can you not think this idea is so romantic?"
Scrubs
"Maybe you got me confused with that little Amish boy you used to date."
Scrubs
"Untouchable, eh?"
Scrubs
"Dr Kelso, none of my patients have died today."
Scrubs
"Darn it."
Scrubs
"And, Dr Reid, your patient, Mrs Burke, has developed a urinary infection."
Scrubs
"Apparently it hurts when she makes whizzy winkles through her sea biscuit."
Scrubs
"Whose fault is it?"
Scrubs
"Jorge, I need to see you in the potting shed."
Scrubs
"But she never fired him, even after he kidnapped her and took her to Acapulco."
Scrubs
"How am I supposed to reverse 26 years of uptight repression?"
Scrubs
"- Dude, I'm dying here. - It's 18 hours since you had sex."
Scrubs
"- Man, you know I don't do that. - You don't?"
Scrubs
"My little newbie dooby-doo."
Scrubs
"Thank you. I need a place to crash. Where's Naomi's bedroom?"
Scrubs
"We gotta get that lock fixed."
Scrubs
"I thought I was the locksmith."
Scrubs
"Then she cut me off, man. Just like that."
Scrubs
"Prison lock-down. No one gets in or out."
Scrubs
"If you're not using my bed, can I use it?"
Scrubs
"You may not, on account of this whole situation being your fault."
Scrubs
"You told her that spending the day with a baby isn't really a job."
Scrubs
"You told me to tell her how I feel. I did just that."
Scrubs
"You know Dr Cox, I know this is tough on you,"
Scrubs
"But I'm out, OK? It's 3am, and there's nothing in the world"
Scrubs
"that's gonna keep me from going to sleep right now."
Scrubs
"You changed your mind about surgery?"
Scrubs
"Look, I..."
Scrubs
"Go."
Scrubs
"I don't mind that they've shaved me already."
Scrubs
"Proportionately everything seems much grander."
Scrubs
"Let's forget about patients for now and start with this."
Scrubs
"- Is it sad? - Her vagina."
Scrubs
"She has a tattoo on her beautiful vagina."
Scrubs
"This just isn't fair. Not fair at all. It's ridiculous."
Scrubs
"It does look a little sad."
Scrubs
"We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off, the classic anthem to platonic love?"
Scrubs
"Why, does he have a spinkle in his gherkin?"
Scrubs
"You're right. That stuff makes me uncomfortable."
Scrubs
"That would have sent me into a shame spiral,"
Scrubs
"You practically tore him a new bingle-bore."
Scrubs
"Really? You're a know-it-all smarty-pants"
Scrubs
"A little? Girl, please."
Scrubs
"What's he doing here? I don't like these people."
Scrubs
"I brought Dr Turk to help you get over your fear of surgery."
Scrubs
"But when I lay that beautiful woman down onto our bed to make love..."
Scrubs
"Oh, God."
Scrubs
"...the walls come tumbling down."
Scrubs
"It's the one place"
Scrubs
"and how I would be lost without her."
Scrubs
"I know I will probably have to have this surgery eventually,"
Scrubs
"but until then I am not going to risk losing"
Scrubs
"the one thing that keeps me close to her."
Scrubs
"Not until I absolutely have to."
Scrubs
"OK, so there's that. I realised I let you down before."
Scrubs
"The weird thing is, even though it's natural, sex can make us uncomfortable."
Scrubs
"You have a penis and I have a vagina."
Scrubs
"... and realise that sex can actually be a comfort."
Scrubs
"So as far as this no-sex thing goes, I'm with you 100%."
Scrubs
"I don't even remember."
Scrubs
"better than someone who isn't having it."
Scrubs
"You did the "hey, idiot" thing to me, like, six months ago."
Scrubs
"Elliot and her marine biologist boyfriend at it again."
Scrubs
"Why, thank you, young lady."
Scrubs
"Sign here, please."
Scrubs
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