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Clips from Scrubs - My Self-Examination (S03E03)

"What's wrong with me?"
Scrubs
"She doesn't have to get up till nine, and she's an incredibly heavy sleeper."
Scrubs
"Not him."
Scrubs
"This is Larry. Larry, this is JD."
Scrubs
"He's not a celebrity."
Scrubs
"Are you the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld?"
Scrubs
"Dammit."
Scrubs
"The difference between special birthday sex and no sex on our wedding night."
Scrubs
"I do like the special birthday sex."
Scrubs
"Baby, I'm joking."
Scrubs
"- Why would I idealise women? - What's your mom like?"
Scrubs
"Just focus on the little things you love about her."
Scrubs
"Like the way she puts out a cigarette,"
Scrubs
"just to check if there's any left."
Scrubs
"It's five to nine? I gotta go."
Scrubs
"He is so the Soup Nazi. Trick him."
Scrubs
"What is it again? "You're out of luck in the soup department?""
Scrubs
"Maybe I don't feel I deserve Elliot because I have low self-esteem."
Scrubs
"So it's not the self-esteem thing."
Scrubs
"Then Elliot and I got to witness an event that many had spoken of"
Scrubs
"The arrival of the janitors."
Scrubs
"Who won?"
Scrubs
"Welcome to work, boys. Be the best janitors you can be today."
Scrubs
"Change is good."
Scrubs
"I didn't notice cos I was up all night with Jack."
Scrubs
"How do you not scare him?"
Scrubs
"I refuse to be judged by a grown man wearing a hockey jersey."
Scrubs
"that you get a crinkle above your nose when you look at me like I'm nuts,"
Scrubs
"and I love that you are..."
Scrubs
"- It was a classic. - Yeah, dude."
Scrubs
"- You told her? - Yes, he did."
Scrubs
"The next person to get in my face will wish they hadn't."
Scrubs
"Sociopath."
Scrubs
"Catch me, stud."
Scrubs
"Most guys would've caught me. I love that you didn't."
Scrubs
"Maybe Elliot's just not the right fit."
Scrubs
"- Or we could shoot rats at the dump. - Dammit. She's perfect on paper."
Scrubs
"What the hell's wrong with me?"
Scrubs
"I just love the way you drift off in your head sometimes."
Scrubs
"I guess the Soup Nazi was right. It is the little things that are important."
Scrubs
"I don't have testicular cancer."
Scrubs
"I don't see anybody else around, soap jockey."
Scrubs
"I need your help, man. It's about Elliot."
Scrubs
"- Did you sleep with her again? - How does everybody know?"
Scrubs
"Now that I'm getting married tomorrow it's about me."
Scrubs
"Still seems like you can take a minute for a friend."
Scrubs
"No. It's cos of this. Boys."
Scrubs
"- You know where to take him. - Who's taking me where?"
Scrubs
"We have to use the same Catholic ones like everyone else."
Scrubs
"Baby, that sucks, cos I was gonna totally blow you away."
Scrubs
"- That's a fantastic idea. Isn't it? - Super."
Scrubs
"Awesome. I'm gonna go work on them some more."
Scrubs
"Unfortunately for me, I wasn't in love with Elliot."
Scrubs
"But even though it was gonna be tough, I knew exactly what I had to do."
Scrubs
"And now we live together."
Scrubs
"Sheila."
Scrubs
"- No, everybody gets the same. - Fine. I'll just take these."
Scrubs
"Damn twisty bottoms."
Scrubs
"You said you didn't care. Why are you fighting?"
Scrubs
"I can't stop."
Scrubs
"Tell her I couldn't come up with anything, so I guess I don't love her."
Scrubs
"- A clicky top. - Does this mean we're amigos?"
Scrubs
"If your life was on the line you couldn't squeeze one eloquent thought"
Scrubs
"God, I can't remember the last time I saw you in this suit and tie."
Scrubs
"Poor Cinnamon."
Scrubs
"and rip each other new ones, make it special."
Scrubs
"- She won't go for that. - You have to do something."
Scrubs
"Not because she was taken too early,"
Scrubs
"I've made mistakes in my life, but you've managed to erase them all,"
Scrubs
"When you realise you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone,"
Scrubs
"- It's for us. You suck at Scrabble. - Do I look mad?"
Scrubs
"You and your mother are basically the same person."
Scrubs
"You don't wanna fight in front of Jack anymore,"
Scrubs
"You are an unpredictable, passionate person"
Scrubs
"Not funny yet."
Scrubs
"If it's OK with you, I'm gonna take my relationship advice"
Scrubs
"Give me some champagne. I need a victory sip."
Scrubs
"Elliot and I are like best friends."
Scrubs
"- No biting. - Just take it, you girl."
Scrubs
"Other times, love's obvious."
Scrubs
"but I promise I will try to show you"
Scrubs
"Aren't they amazing?"
Scrubs
"What?"
Scrubs
"- Please don't cry. - I won't."
Scrubs
"I convinced her to dump her boyfriend, and then realised I don't want her."
Scrubs
"An incredibly heavy sleeper."
Scrubs
"- I'll go put on some underwear. - Please, Larry."
Scrubs
"- What are you doing with that guy? - I thought I'd date a celebrity."
Scrubs
"Wait a second."
Scrubs
"No."
Scrubs
"Say the soup thing."
Scrubs
"We've been here for an hour and you've already said it 13 times."
Scrubs
"- Have you been working on your vows? - Define "work.""
Scrubs
"When I asked you if you wanted to write your vows, you said yes."
Scrubs
"How did it go picking up my brother at the airport?"
Scrubs
"- Sorry, what? - How could you forget him?"
Scrubs
"You have enough trouble getting along."
Scrubs
"Marco. The invite said "No dates.""
Scrubs
"No dates."
Scrubs
"The reason I'm here is, first of all,"
Scrubs
"I chased Elliot for three years. Now I don't want her."
Scrubs
"Maybe you idealise women, and no one lives up to your standards."
Scrubs
"sweetest boy in the whole world, and no matter how hard you look,"
Scrubs
"you will never find a woman who will love you as much as I do."
Scrubs
"- My mom is perfect. - Look, kid, you're just confused."
Scrubs
"or how when she finishes a beer, she looks inside the can,"
Scrubs
"Sweetie, it's five to nine, and my Denver omelette's not gonna make itself."
Scrubs
"- No soup for you. - Rad."
Scrubs
"- What are you doing? - Just lying here watching you sleep."
Scrubs
"I'm not that much of a commit-a-phobe."
Scrubs
"but none had ever seen."
Scrubs
"- No hard feelings, bra? - There's hard feelings."
Scrubs
"All right."
Scrubs
"What the...? It's like a mechanical vice."
Scrubs
"Do you wear a nanny mask or slap on a name tag that says, "I'm your mommy"?"
Scrubs
"Which reminds me, Jimmy's mom called and if you guys win the big game today,"
Scrubs
"One time I saw my mom knock my father unconscious with a frying pan."
Scrubs
"I kept right on going with my birthday party."
Scrubs
"I am not fighting with you anymore, ever."
Scrubs
"that it takes you 90 minutes to order a sandwich,"
Scrubs
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