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Clips from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace - Scotch Mist (S01E01)

"Why had she opened that tomb?

""Why had she opened that tomb?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

"The sand turned red. This was because she was bleeding on it.

""The sand turned red. This was because she was bleeding on it."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

"And piss and shit.

""And piss and shit."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

"This was the worst day of her life."

""This was the worst day of her life.""

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- the theme's prejudice, by the way - so outre, out there,

"- the theme's prejudice, by the way - so outre, out there,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

that top brass finally pulled the axe on the entire project.

"that top brass finally pulled the axe on the entire project."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

along with interviews from myself, my publisher Dean Learner

"along with interviews from myself, my publisher Dean Learner"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

These mini-seminars will help elucidate and unravel the mysteries of Darkplace -

"These mini-seminars will help elucidate and unravel the mysteries of Darkplace -"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

CHEESY '80S SYNTHESISER MUSIC

"CHEESY '80S SYNTHESISER MUSIC"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

GHOSTLY LAUGHTER

"GHOSTLY LAUGHTER"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Oh, come on! Lt'll be fun!

"Oh, come on! Lt'll be fun!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

GHOSTLY MUTTERING

"GHOSTLY MUTTERING"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Let's get down to it. I'm horny.

"Let's get down to it. I'm horny."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

OK.

"OK."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I write to chill.

"I write to chill."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

One strength of the programme is it bridged that gap

"One strength of the programme is it bridged that gap"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'My name is Dr Rick Dagless MD. It's 3 a.m. and it's misty. Too misty.

"'My name is Dr Rick Dagless MD. It's 3 a.m. and it's misty. Too misty."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

CROW CAWS

"CROW CAWS"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

< Look. Their faces are patterned.

"< Look. Their faces are patterned."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Good work, Liz.

"Good work, Liz."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

It's an evil highland force... the ghosts of Scottish warriors trapped in foggy mist.

"It's an evil highland force... the ghosts of Scottish warriors trapped in foggy mist."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Of all the nerve!

"Of all the nerve!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I don't know. Some people are animals.

"I don't know. Some people are animals."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'We stood for what seemed like forever

"'We stood for what seemed like forever"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

What is that sound?

"What is that sound?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

BAGPIPES ECHO

"BAGPIPES ECHO"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

It's Jim. He's out there.

"It's Jim. He's out there."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

We found out the mist was poisonous

"We found out the mist was poisonous"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

when two techies died, yes.

"when two techies died, yes."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

because another one comes along.

"because another one comes along."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Keep your headbands on so we don't get lost. Use your fans sparingly.

"Keep your headbands on so we don't get lost. Use your fans sparingly."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

FANS WHIRR

"FANS WHIRR"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Thing is, I'd play anything - er, a Nazi, anything at all.

"Thing is, I'd play anything - er, a Nazi, anything at all."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I never... I don't think I'd ever kiss another man...

"I never... I don't think I'd ever kiss another man..."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I was on a budget flight to Norway

"I was on a budget flight to Norway"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

when a storm forced us to ditch in Prestwick.

"when a storm forced us to ditch in Prestwick."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

A 16-year-old mother of three vomiting in a sewer, >

"A 16-year-old mother of three vomiting in a sewer, >"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Well, she's wrong.

"Well, she's wrong."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

GHOSTLY SCOTTISH MUTTERING

"GHOSTLY SCOTTISH MUTTERING"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Bloody things.

"Bloody things."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Look, the mist is retreating.

"Look, the mist is retreating."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

GROWLING

"GROWLING"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

SOBBING

"SOBBING"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

This is not just a horror show -

"This is not just a horror show -"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Not from some bloke with a suitcase.

"Not from some bloke with a suitcase."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

You're paying for reliability.

"You're paying for reliability."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Urgh! Another one. As if I didn't have enough to do, with this mist.

"Urgh! Another one. As if I didn't have enough to do, with this mist."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- What happened? - Shit happened, sweetheart.

"- What happened? - Shit happened, sweetheart."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- Time's running out. - What are you up to?

"- Time's running out. - What are you up to?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

What does it mean?

"What does it mean?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

But why you, Dag?

"But why you, Dag?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Wait, Thornton, that's not all. Instead they put a frozen slab of meat in a deep-fat fryer

"Wait, Thornton, that's not all. Instead they put a frozen slab of meat in a deep-fat fryer"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- I'm coming with you. - No, you're not.

"- I'm coming with you. - No, you're not."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Careful with it - it's my mother's.

"Careful with it - it's my mother's."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

And take this.

"And take this."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

What is it?

"What is it?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- And, Dag? - Yeah?

"- And, Dag? - Yeah?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I know it's me you want.

"I know it's me you want."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

You like Scotch food, Liz? I know a little place we can go.

"You like Scotch food, Liz? I know a little place we can go."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I know a little place you can go. It's called To Blazes.

"I know a little place you can go. It's called To Blazes."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

You guys are so cruel.

"You guys are so cruel."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Hang loose.

"Hang loose."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Or all three?

"Or all three?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

BAGPIPES PLAY

"BAGPIPES PLAY"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'On a nearby roof, a bird took flight

"'On a nearby roof, a bird took flight"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'but not even that could spoil this beautiful moment

"'but not even that could spoil this beautiful moment"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'as rosy-fingered dawn cupped Romford in its hands

"'as rosy-fingered dawn cupped Romford in its hands"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'and thumbed open the new day's crack.'

"'and thumbed open the new day's crack.'"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I love Scotland. I'll take the high road or the low road. Both are valid.

"I love Scotland. I'll take the high road or the low road. Both are valid."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

But they're just not ready.

"But they're just not ready."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

If an Englishman meets a Scotchman, or vice versa,

"If an Englishman meets a Scotchman, or vice versa,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'in association with Dean Learner.'

"'in association with Dean Learner.'"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

"Nina's eyes popped out of what was left of her back.

""Nina's eyes popped out of what was left of her back."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Welcome, friend.

"Welcome, friend."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

A lot of people say "Garth Marenghi? Doesn't he write that horror crap?"

"A lot of people say "Garth Marenghi? Doesn't he write that horror crap?""

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Well, you're an idiot, because my books always say something,

"Well, you're an idiot, because my books always say something,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

even if it's simple, like "Don't breed crabs to be as big as men."

"even if it's simple, like "Don't breed crabs to be as big as men.""

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

There's always a message or a theme.

"There's always a message or a theme."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

When I wrote, directed and starred in Garth Marenghi's Darkplace in the 1980s,

"When I wrote, directed and starred in Garth Marenghi's Darkplace in the 1980s,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

One theme proved so controversial, so dangerous, so radical...

"One theme proved so controversial, so dangerous, so radical..."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Tonight I entrust this episode to you,

"Tonight I entrust this episode to you,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

and the actor Todd Rivers, who hasn't done a decent gig since Boon.

"and the actor Todd Rivers, who hasn't done a decent gig since Boon."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

you have no excuse for not getting it.

"you have no excuse for not getting it."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

unbelievable, unpalatable,

"unbelievable, unpalatable,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

and I sincerely hope you are disturbed.

"and I sincerely hope you are disturbed."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

By the show.

"By the show."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'I'm Garth Marenghi - author, dream weaver, visionary, plus actor.'

"'I'm Garth Marenghi - author, dream weaver, visionary, plus actor.'"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'You are about to enter the world of my imagination.

"'You are about to enter the world of my imagination."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'You are entering my Darkplace.

"'You are entering my Darkplace."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Darkplace, Darkplace

"Darkplace, Darkplace"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Darkplace, Darkplace, Darkplace

"Darkplace, Darkplace, Darkplace"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Darkplacel

"Darkplacel"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

GHOSTLY MUTTERING

"GHOSTLY MUTTERING"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Hey, I've got an idea - let's continue this outside in the bushes.

"Hey, I've got an idea - let's continue this outside in the bushes."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Let's make love on the moor.

"Let's make love on the moor."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Hold on, what's that?

"Hold on, what's that?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Oh, that's just mist or fog. You'll forget it once you're into it.

"Oh, that's just mist or fog. You'll forget it once you're into it."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

BOTH CRY OUT

"BOTH CRY OUT"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

SCREAMS

"SCREAMS"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Jesus Christ! What the hell? No! Arggh!

"Jesus Christ! What the hell? No! Arggh!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

He had an ambitious script.

"He had an ambitious script."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

"for the money we've got -seeing as we've got no money. It's ambitious."

""for the money we've got -seeing as we've got no money. It's ambitious.""

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

We filmed it in my garage. I had a big garage,

"We filmed it in my garage. I had a big garage,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

but still, it was ambitious to film a TV show in a garage.

"but still, it was ambitious to film a TV show in a garage."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Darkplace was a turning point for me as a writer,

"Darkplace was a turning point for me as a writer,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

because until then I'd been writing horror.

"because until then I'd been writing horror."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

between "Aah!" and "Ooh!" quite well.

"between "Aah!" and "Ooh!" quite well."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'Once you added that to the mist already here, that's a mess of mist.

"'Once you added that to the mist already here, that's a mess of mist."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'I'd been called out to Darkplace grounds. It was taking ages because of the mist.

"'I'd been called out to Darkplace grounds. It was taking ages because of the mist."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'There was something about this mist. What? I hadn't the foggiest.'

"'There was something about this mist. What? I hadn't the foggiest.'"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

What do you make of it, Dag?

"What do you make of it, Dag?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I've never seen anything like this. In fact, I haven't got the foggiest idea!

"I've never seen anything like this. In fact, I haven't got the foggiest idea!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Great joke, Dag.

"Great joke, Dag."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

< (Liz) What is it, Rick?

"< (Liz) What is it, Rick?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

FAST TYPING

"FAST TYPING"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Since Dag re-opened the Gates of Hell there's been a glut of terror.

"Since Dag re-opened the Gates of Hell there's been a glut of terror."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Why would dead Scottish warriors come south?

"Why would dead Scottish warriors come south?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

To kill the Queen and then destroy our way of life - what every Scotchman wants.

"To kill the Queen and then destroy our way of life - what every Scotchman wants."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- You can't say that. - Liz, I've met a lot of Scotch people.

"- You can't say that. - Liz, I've met a lot of Scotch people."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Well, you'd better do something, and fast.

"Well, you'd better do something, and fast."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

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