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Clips from Family Guy - Ready, Willing and Disabled (S03E03)

"Don't you understand? I lost the perp."
Family Guy
"I lost the perp!"
Family Guy
"So, um... the 26 dollars would probably be safe in my room."
Family Guy
"Right. Probably get lost among the pin-ups of Justin Timberlake and Tom Cruise and..."
Family Guy
"Blast! Who the devil do the teenagers like? Morgan Freeman."
Family Guy
"We can't keep it in my room cos there's an evil monkey that lives in my closet."
Family Guy
"The sad part is, he wasn't always evil."
Family Guy
"Honey, good news! I made partner!"
Family Guy
"- Why don't you go talk to him? - I don't know. There's a game on."
Family Guy
"Shame on you. You march over there and cheer your old friend up."
Family Guy
"Don't listen to that sissy. Grab a beer and watch the game."
Family Guy
"- Oh, my God! - Get your fat ass over to Joe's."
Family Guy
"All right. Take it easy, man. Everything's cool."
Family Guy
"Come on, Joe. Cheer up. What do you say you and me go roller-ska..."
Family Guy
"Peter, the other day was the first time I've ever lost a perp."
Family Guy
"It was also the first time I've really felt handicapped."
Family Guy
"I've made up my mind about this. I'm quitting the force."
Family Guy
"Come on, Joe. You don't have to quit the force."
Family Guy
"You could get a desk job. Huh?"
Family Guy
"- You could be a desk. - Forget it. I'm washed up."
Family Guy
"In local news, Quahog will soon play proud host to the Special People's Games."
Family Guy
"If you and/or a friend are disabled and would like to challenge yourself, sign up today."
Family Guy
"Joe, that's it! You gotta compete in the Special People's Games."
Family Guy
"Hey, I believed you could be a desk. Come on! I'll even be your coach."
Family Guy
"- Come on. Two more. - Peter, you're pushing me too hard."
Family Guy
"Trust me, Joe. I know physical fitness."
Family Guy
"I was in Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to Books on Tape."
Family Guy
""The Red Sox were in town, but I didn't care,"
Family Guy
"because it was Tuesday and I was on my way to see Maury. ""
Family Guy
""He couldn't go to the bathroom by himself any more, but his indomitable spirit... ""
Family Guy
"Um... I don't quite know how to tell you this, Mr Swanson."
Family Guy
"- You're paralysed from the waist down. - I know."
Family Guy
"Oh, thank God!"
Family Guy
"Whoo, boy! Is that a load off!"
Family Guy
"You got anything to give him a little extra juice?"
Family Guy
"You mean steroids? Peter, haven't you seen what happens to those ladies on ESPN2?"
Family Guy
"They get big hair faces and their breasts become like flapjacks."
Family Guy
"- Where exactly did the angel touch you? - Here."
Family Guy
"- Bye. I'm goin' to the mall. - What for?"
Family Guy
"Don't worry. The $26 is safe."
Family Guy
"Oh, God! I pray this is not my first memory."
Family Guy
"Cool it. I am not gonna put up with this racket for two weeks."
Family Guy
"I'll hold on to the money. I'm a neutral party, so it'll be safe."
Family Guy
"- OK. - I suppose we can trust you."
Family Guy
"- Now, where is it? - What the...?"
Family Guy
"Very clever. Take another reach. You forgot your change."
Family Guy
"I'm Diane Simmons. It's a great day to be alive, Tom, able-bodied or not."
Family Guy
"It sure is. Today we'll see some of our finest athletes struggle valiantly"
Family Guy
"against God's twisted designs. You'll cheer, you'll cry. You might get a cheap laugh."
Family Guy
"I know I will, Tom. In fact, by the end of the day, we may all be going to hell."
Family Guy
"It sounds like the opening ceremonies have begun."
Family Guy
"There are the paraplegics,"
Family Guy
"followed by the blind team."
Family Guy
"- You're gonna be late. - Maybe they're not there."
Family Guy
"And now we turn our attention to the lighting of the flame."
Family Guy
"It's anybody's race now, Tom."
Family Guy
"And it's Odai Mutambo of Kenya!"
Family Guy
"The decathlon. That's quite a mountain to climb, Peter."
Family Guy
"Joe, look at me. Look at me!"
Family Guy
"Great. Thank God!"
Family Guy
"Listen, Joe. You and I both know you have what it takes to win this thing."
Family Guy
"So get out there and do it!"
Family Guy
"That gold medal is mine, pretty boy. You don't have a chance."
Family Guy
"Don't let him push you around. You can do this."
Family Guy
"Yeah. Yeah!"
Family Guy
"You think you're so hot, fella? Well, I can do this."
Family Guy
"where Joe Swanson takes his starting position."
Family Guy
"- Way to go, Joe! - Yeah!"
Family Guy
"Good to see your new fiscal responsibilities haven't interfered with your reading."
Family Guy
"You're not gonna get the $26, and you're despicable for trying."
Family Guy
"I wasn't trying to get the $26."
Family Guy
"I thought we were just having an innocent conversation about literature."
Family Guy
"Oh, you're silly."
Family Guy
"I love that you'd go there. You're silly. Goodbye."
Family Guy
"We'll go to bulimic pie-eating in a moment,"
Family Guy
"- Come on, Joe. Break a wheel! - I'm ready. Let's get it on!"
Family Guy
"That'll knock him out of the lead. Tough break."
Family Guy
"- That's OK, Joe. You can still win this thing. - That was pathetic."
Family Guy
"Boom-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka. Boom-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka. Boom."
Family Guy
"- Peter, it's over. - What are you talkin' about?"
Family Guy
"If I couldn't catch a two-bit criminal, how can I win a race?"
Family Guy
"Hey, what kinda talk is that?"
Family Guy
"It's un-American. Did George W Bush quit even after losing the popular vote? No."
Family Guy
"Did he quit after gettin' arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct at a football game? No."
Family Guy
"I get the message, Peter."
Family Guy
"Gee, Peter, this water tastes kinda funny."
Family Guy
"- Racers, on your mark. - Go get 'em, Joe."
Family Guy
"Get set."
Family Guy
"- You did it, Joe - We did it, Peter."
Family Guy
"- Hey, speedy. - Do I know you?"
Family Guy
"- Jim Kaplan, sports agent. Like my car? - Yeah."
Family Guy
"- You know what a merkin is? - No."
Family Guy
"- Pubic wig. I got one. You want it? - No."
Family Guy
"- Of course you don't. You wanna be rich? - Yes."
Family Guy
"What the hell...?"
Family Guy
"It was one cereal ad, Peter. Besides, he won the medal."
Family Guy
"Coming to ABC, the simple story of a man and his chair:"
Family Guy
"Starring Tony Danza as Joe Swanson."
Family Guy
"Whyyyyyy?"
Family Guy
"- With Valerie Bertinelli as Bonnie. - Joe, you must accept your limitations."
Family Guy
"Why don't you just ask me to lay down and die?"
Family Guy
"I can't live like this any more!"
Family Guy
"You'll never make it, Joe. Why don't you just give up right now?"
Family Guy
"No. I've got to try."
Family Guy
"- Even if it's by myself. - You're a fool, Joe. A fool."
Family Guy
"Friday on ABC, followed by "Dharma and Greg", but you don't have to watch that."
Family Guy
"Joe wouldn't be famous if it wasn't for me. How come he's gettin' all the glory?"
Family Guy
"What the hell is this, Brian?"
Family Guy
"It's my new passport. Why are you opening my mail?"
Family Guy
"You weren't planning on going somewhere with our $26, were you?"
Family Guy
"For God's sake, I just had the damn thing renewed."
Family Guy
"You're obviously taking us for saps, but we're not."
Family Guy
"John, have you met Yoko? Yoko, John."
Family Guy
"You want your money? Fine. I hope you all kill each other."
Family Guy
"All right, I know how to settle this. Whoever wants the money, raise your hand."
Family Guy
"Ho-ho. You're smarter than I thought. Give yourselves a round of applause."
Family Guy
"Honey, I'm gonna be late tonight. I've got a hooker coming over."
Family Guy
"I know it's late notice, but what about the pool guy?"
Family Guy
"- Mr Tucker, Mr Griffin's here to see you. - I gotta go."
Family Guy
"I demand commercial endorsements and a TV movie based on me"
Family Guy
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