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Clips from 30 Rock - The Ones (S03E03)

"Face it, you are the closest thing to a man working here right now."
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"I need your help."
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"My fiancee murdered her ex-husband when he cheated on her."
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"I love her."
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"But the only way I can make sure that I won't stray..."
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"Exactly."
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"We're going out tonight, Jackie D,"
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"and you're gonna be tempted like Jesus in the Wilderness."
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"Jesus is my stereo guy, and the Wilderness is a club I took him to once."
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"Jenna, come quick. Kenneth's passed out again."
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"Kenneth ate strawberries again, and now he's gone into acute strawberry shock."
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"We're gonna have to cut off his hands."
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"He's gonna learn how to urinate with his feet."
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"- How could this have happened again? - It's my fault. I did it."
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"I just wanted that hot EMT to come back. I didn't mean for it to go this far."
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"I'm so sorry... But I am not a monster."
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"so this other boy would go to town on her."
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"I think she's had enough, sirs."
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"What's happening? Is this a trick? I knew it!"
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"Now, quit it with the strawberry stuff."
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"Is that a thing?"
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"- You and your friend wanna party later? - Sure thing, baby."
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"This is decadent."
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"And I once went to Miami with Darryl Strawberry."
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"Tip of the iceberg, Jackie D."
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"You can have all of this whenever you want."
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"Or... you can marry that nice lady that you're in love with."
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"I love Elisa. But you love Angie, right?"
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"Of course I do. Angie's the one."
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"Where did you hear that?"
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"It's a thing I made up after seeing the Matrix."
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"There. I said it."
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"Don't look at me."
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"Really?"
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"I've not heard of that term before."
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"Do you know how to get to Connecticut?"
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"That's an inspiration. I mean, if you can do it..."
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"I mean, if Elisa's only flaw is that she demands I be faithful,"
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"then I'm getting that tattoo!"
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"Grizz, get the car. Dotcom, get the coats."
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"And which one of you ladies wants to pick up the tab?"
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"I put strawberry juice in your chickpeas."
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"And in your water."
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"- And on your harmonica. - My what?"
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"You mean my mouth radio?"
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"I am so sorry."
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"I just want you to know that I would not do this to you for just any guy."
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"He was special."
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"It's horrible to think you might have found your true love, only to lose him."
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"to know that he's out there, and I have no way to find him."
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"I've had a crazy night."
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"- It's wild. - I'm sure it was."
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"How are you so quiet when your parades are so loud?"
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"You were supposed to be thinking about us."
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"was too weird not to be sexual!"
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"Everybody be cool."
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"Exactly."
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"This is troubling."
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"Isn't there a slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?"
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"I love too deeply."
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"And eventually"
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"If you ever find yourself less in love with me, I hope you'll give me a call."
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"But if tonight is what it's going to be like,"
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"obviously, engagement-wise, we are not going to forge ahead."
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"Is it my English, or was that not a great breaking-up speech?"
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"Sure, I was legally dead for 5 minutes, but I did it for true love."
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"But I think I brought something back with me."
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"Did you even go home last night? And where is your shirt?"
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"I might've went out and had a little too much to drink last night,"
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"'Cause I went out and got that tattoo Angie wanted me to get."
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"How you like me now?"
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"- because of staff allergies. - What? No, allergies are psychosomatic."
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"The only reason I'm allergic to dogs"
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"is because one bit me the first time I got my period."
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"and I was residing there."
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"I got something specially for you."
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"I'm afraid he's gonna wanna go through with his proposings of marriage."
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"Because of what you did, we almost lost a monitor."
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"- Glad you didn't get shot in the face. - Thank you."
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"I'm back. Let'get married."
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"I'll call plunder and have them hold a table"
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"- I'm sure there's a way to find out. - I called 911"
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"Oh, boy..."
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"Now it's a Sophie's choice."
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"Elisa Padriera?"
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"And in a rage I took my revenge!"
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"I'm a catholic."
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"I take the bonds of marriage very seriously."
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"Tangiers is in Morocco."
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"So, yeah, I guess I'm an idiot."
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"with Monica Lewinsky... Nobody's perfect."
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"- Jack... - I'm 50."
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"To put it in perspective, that's like 32... for ladies."
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"Are you taking any medication?"
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"He must work the evening shift."
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"She's very passionate, and she doesn't react well to betrayal."
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"Well, dude, I guess you gotta find a comely geologist"
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"Continue."
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"I can't believe this is happening during night shift!"
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"I was just playing along. No seriously, what's happening?"
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"But Tracy, sometimes I think men like us aren't built for marriage."
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"We went out clubbing. His life is like Enron, 1999."
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"And how do you think I feel?"
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"Well, it's kinda none of your business,"
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"And above it, she wants this picture of her face."
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"I can't have this on my chest"
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"I've never cheated on my wife."
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"partying with that black guy!"
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"Synch: So., Collioure Proofreading: Valpi"
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"usually ends up with me watching Solid Gold"
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"Like a show horse."
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"- in "Atraccion fatal". - That has a whole different title here."
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"- When did you get back? - Actually, three weeks ago."
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"The black widow."
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"- Is that a thing? - Just ask this real EMT."
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"That is one gay lion."
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"My real name..."
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"Wait a minute, you're jealous of Lemon? That's insane."
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"I knew your relationship"
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"No, and at large."
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